Three sofas in one week... an adulting fail!

[WiddlinDiddlin]

Please cheer me up by telling me your 'adulting fails', we could do with a giggle at Widdlin'Towers here, where it's all gone distinctly tits up on the sofa front.

If you're sitting comfortable (hopefully, because I certainly am not!) I'll begin!

Comfy places to sit are really important for me as I use a wheelchair with specialist seating, and the sofa is the only other place I can sit in the day. The bed is comfy, but its upstairs which is a hassle and I can only lie in it, not sit. I can only lie for about 6 hours, max. So having somewhere downstairs other than my own wheelchair to sit is really really important or I start to get pressure sores, trapped nerves, all sorts of woes and grief.

We had a second hand sofa, big hefty leather bastard bought for about £30 around 10 years ago.

DP had broken his side (webbing gone) with his backside and his insistance on flinging himself into it, and then sitting sprawled out shoving the leather (fixed) around - but he insisted it was still comfy, leave it be.

My side was fine, I sit with my legs out straight in front of me on a footstool, with an inflatable ROHO cushion under me due to card carrying wobbly cripple status, so despite being baby elephant level overweight, it was fine...

Until last Monday when, as I scooched forward to get off it, I heard a crack.

I dispatched DP to the second hand furniture shops forthwith, for an interim sofa, and set about looking for a Proper, Expensive, New... fantasy sofa of my dreams. I have saved for this moment... I knew exactly what I really wanted... but.. could I really... dare I?

I did dare. The company were happy to reinforce it for my extra-hefty derriere and DP's sofa wrecking bum of doom, so I ordered it, and DP found what he PROMISED was a comfy 'interim sofa' for the 4 to 6 week wait.

This arrived on the Wednesday and beloved knackered, comfy but threatening to die sofa was ejected from the house (in pieces, an angle grinder was used, RIP Sofa). Enter temporary sofa.

Guess what?

It isn't comfy. In fact it is made for midgets with arses of steel, it's one of the modern style chesterfield, exposed wood frame at the front, one piece leather pad with the seats defined by rods and foam... It is like sitting on a lump of concrete that shoves you (well, me, and himself anyway) into entirely the wrong position if you do not fit into the individual seat divisions accurately.

It is fucking agony.

So theres £100 down the pan and I sent him off on Saturday to find a better one, one he tested thoroughly with his backside (I can't go, none of these second hand shops are bloody well wheelchair accessible!)...

He found one, its vile, its brown, its fabric, but apparently it is comfy so I turn a blind eye to the fact this threadbare monstrosity is £125... and agree. Oh... but the shop can't even start sorting delivery on a Saturday, we have to call on Monday for that...

Monday morning, he finally gets through to the warehouse/delivery department.

For 18 stores through the local area, this charity shop have ONE VAN. ONE. JUST ONE FUCKING VAN.

It will be THURSDAY before we get the second temporary sofa. I may actually die. There is no possibility I am being even a tiny bit over dramatic here... none.

If I could hibernate til Thursday in my bed, I would... I can't believe that I have spent money on THREE sofas in a week and so far still have nothing comfortable to sit on!! I should have continued with the old comfy knackered bugger, carefully, until we found a suitable temporary one, I should have ordered a new one long before the old one broke... I am an absolute fucking idiot! (Mind you, so is he as he swore blind the first temp sofa was fine and didn't confess he hadn't actually sat in it until it arrived here!!)...

So please please tell me I am not the only person to have ballsed up the orchestration of household purchases like sofas, or other 'in theory' simple tasks?!

(NEW new sofa of wonder is an S W James Dudley, which I have sat on at a clients house and was wonderful... so fingers x they suddenly have a slack week and make it faster than the predicted time frame, which is already more than reasonable!).

And now the people bringing the 'new' (temp) sofa do not want the old (temp) sofa, apparently it is 'too old looking'.. and yet it looks a damn sight newer than the threadbare brown fabric thing we've bought off them (for twice the price of the leather one!)...

Honestly. Hibernating. Or having a sofa bonfire.

Or indeed (thanks to MNHQ for moving this as I posted it in the wrong place, probably due to my sofa related stress)... AIBU to hate this fucking sofa and the people that invented it, made it, marketed it, sold it, bought it, sent it to the second hand shop... and anyone who ever thought it a good idea?

Oh your poor bum.

Love how you described your dance of the sofas.

We're also waiting on new sofas to be delivered and only hope they are more comfy than this new (rock hard) mattress that is nothing like the store demo.

I'd have given up and got yourself a chair or 1 seater something. You and your husband obviously have different views in comfort as he's thought they've all been fine but you haven't

Why put yourself through it again

Also, where's the 3rd sofa? I only read he's bought 2 (are you counting the old one?)

Third sofa is ordered and we await delivery 4 to 6 weeks hence... I realised after that part is a bit misleading but I have paid for all three sofas in the last 7 days... so I have bought three, I just haven't had all three.

Did contemplate a chair from upstairs (but theres the getting it down the stairs and himself now has a knackered back, and the other normal moving person still recovering from heart surgery and can't lift anything) and scrounging another from elsewhere, but it's a bit of an organisation nightmare.. as apparently is anything to do with sofas.

We only have room for one big sofa, no arm chairs, its a long narrow room, and I have to be able to navigate it with baby-elephant proportioned wheelchair.

DP does not think the current and soon to be ex temporary sofa is 'fine'.. he also hates it. He just wasn't allowed to sit on it to test it and omitted this detail prior to paying and arranging delivery. Because he is a twit. A now very sorry twit with a sore bum and hurty back.

Temporary sofa 2 HAS been sat on (I have the photographic and video evidence, he sat on it, lay on it, splooted on it, sprawled on it, until the shop staff refused to take any more pics of him on it in case he was some sort of mad sofa fetishist!)...

The latest is hopefully I shall foist uncomfy temp sofa 1 onto some poor hard up bugger possessing of a smaller backside than either of ours (free, I have no desire to fleece any unsuspecting sod for it!) as soon as temp sofa 2 arrives. I highly doubt that will go according to plan of course. Why would it.

I may retire from organising any large household purchases in future. I've just been reminded that I fucked up buying the wrong dishwasher in January (built in vs freestanding), and had to get that removed at the same time as the new one was delivered as there was no room in the house due to wheelchairs, dogs and builders and quite a lot of kitchen parts, some of which weren't even for my kitchen!

I'd like to return in the next life as a snail or a tortoise, carrying my home with me, not needing furniture or appliances of any kind!

Could you post on the sofa making company social media site and see if you can get a sympathy vote to put your sofa allocation to the top of the queue ? Obviously not using your wheel chair user status as the sympathy vote reason but the large derrière?

You have my sympathies - I am long term crutch user and hobble from bed to chair so I hope the sofa company find your post as funny as I did and use your massive discomfort or derrière as a marketing tool.

Just one question as I can't sleep with my leg- has DH measured to check that the second temporary sofa will fit in the front door?!

Aside from sofa failure I love your storytelling style. Fingers crossed for your bum.

Sorry OP but you have made me laugh a bit with your tale of sofagate...
I get it.. I really do.. I was ashamed of my 30 yr old knackered sofa but couldn't afford/choose/be bothered to replace it because of the comfort/room space issues.
I had broken my cocyx years ago and find sitting upright very uncomfortable but am very tall so need a sofa I can actually fit/sprawl on.
I invested way too much time/energy/angst into choosing one over the years..(finally finding one last January)
I feel for you and am praying that you will be finally comfortable soon...

I dunno about playing on their sympathies... I've already had to get them to reinforce it for my derriere proportions! I feel bad enough about that, so much so I don't even think I mentioned the wheelchair at all (and I normally would as it explains why I'd likely be sat in it longer than many and will struggle to shuffle around/get off it).

I feel real stupidity and genuine sorrow for heaving out the old sofa at the first hint of a 'crack' sound. I bet I could have continued to sit on it for aaaaaaaaages yet...but I panicked. Like the fool I am!

Yes - measurements of doors and so on have been taken... we do have the option of front door (and all the internal doors are wider than standard anyway) or the rear patio doors.

I was super keen on these measurements being accurate as a previous fuck up (moving a free sofa out some years ago) via the front door, resulting in someone ripping the radiator off the wall... This was of course a/exactly what I'd said would happen if someone took that route and not the longer but safer rear exit and b/ the middle of fucking winter and required an emergency plumber. One was not amused!

I strive, if not to stop fucking up entirely, to at least not make the same fuck ups twice. Possibly not even achieving that at the moment though!!

I am off to bed...blessed be your bums!

I have the photographic and video evidence, he sat on it, lay on it, splooted on it, sprawled on it, until the shop staff refused to take any more pics of him on it in case he was some sort of mad sofa fetishist

Awww nah op you've just absolutely creased me I wasn't expecting that

Don't be hard on yourself, I'm currently dealing with two big fuck ups from buying 2nd hand. I have a couch (not sofa, sofas are comfy) that looks beautiful but made for someone with short legs (not me).
And a double bed frame with a king size mattress which overhangs (hence the reason I've been up since 3 - back in agony!!)
In my defence, the seller of the bed frame told me it was a king size and you can't tell when it's collected in pieces....

Hope couch 3 works out for you!!

Your writing style is brilliant. Forget the sofas for a moment, are you in a writers group. If not, off that sofa and get to one..if possible. You can write. Or join one on line as long as you are sitting comfortably!!

I think sofas are a particularly tricky part of adulting so YANBU. I didn't like my last one, but small space so limited choice. I was excited for a bigger one when I moved but now it's here it's...meh.

Above reminded me of the lamp. I bought a lovely wooden lamp stand from Habitat. My son helped me open the box by cutting though all the tough packaging cables.
He cut through the lamp wire! It was firmly threaded though the wooden base and attached to a switch so not an easy fix.
I ordered another one (£135) and put the old one in its box out in the car port. I did try and offer it on free cycle for anyone who wanted to try and fix it. Put the address and said it was in the car port.
New one got delivered and yes you’ve guessed it. Someone kindly collected it from the car port! (Old one went too). I ordered another one.
So I bought three £135 lamp stands. At least I do have one though. Hope yours arrives soon OP. My DH is a wheelchair user and a suitable seat is non negotiable.

This 100%!😁

I feel you
we have a custom made sofa to fit a weird corner. it's very pretty as well.
'do you want memory foam or normal foam' they ask. 'memory foam lasts longer'.
so we go with memory foam. feels good on our arses the few min you sit on it in the show room. thing is, it turns to concrete after about 15 minutes.
we have a secons sofa. not as pretty. but 'normal' foam and very comfy. we have an elbows out fight every time we all want to sit down...

Ouch I feel your pain. I am so heavily invested in the sofa. I can’t sit properly, I need a recliner.

I also love the style of sofa two and feel the unfairness of how spectacularly uncomfortable that style actually is. It’s a con. Totally unsuitable for purpose 🤣.

I’m upset for you that there is no capacity for armchairs. I’m seriously considering moving to armchairs after current sofa dies.

Thankyou for nice comments about my writing - something amusing coming out of the chaotic shit-show that is my life has to be a positive!

@Farmgoose Oh no! Oh I can't imagine the horror at discovering the new lamp had gone!!

@SensibleSigma we'd quite like armchairs buuuuuuut... HeftyHound and StickDog are really suffering from lack of sofa cuddles as there just isn't room with the current horrible temp sofa! So much dramatic sighing and extra bedtime cuddles required... I can't do it to them!

Could you not get a man and van to fetch the sofa so you have it sooner? although I agree with the PP who said to get yourself a nice armchair instead and not let DH on it!

@WiddlinDiddlin we bought a (very pretty) sofa bed online. I was so excited to get it as we hadn’t bought a new one in about 20 years. It arrived while I was at work, hubby(WFH)called and said it had arrived but wasn’t as comfortable as he’d hoped. I thought, ‘well, he’s quite fussy about things, I’ll judge for myself!’
I couldn’t believe my eyes when I got home—it was the most beautiful item of furniture I’d ever owned. Finally, I could be proud of my lounge!
Then I sat on it. DH was there to watch me do it. He wanted the full effect. It was ROCK HARD. I’ve never laughed so much in my life (DH was crying with laughter too) at the stupidity of a couple who spent over £1000 on a sofa that they hadn’t even tested out by sitting on it first.
I learnt from that one.

We have 2 sofas, one leather purchased second hand from the British heart foundation and a fabric one bought from someone on Facebook. Both look like shit but are comfy. We also have dogs so I’m not prepared to pay bucks for a new sofa until we don’t have dogs as they are wankers and will either piss on it or dig it up!

The dogs are currently only three years old so we are unlikely to be dog free for at least 10 years 🙄

We did try for a man with a van but seemingly none to be had this week, the best was wednesday and £50 and he wouldn't bring it in, whereas charity shop are only charging a tenner and will.

@Thefirstdance Oh no! Did you soften it up with use or acclimatise your bums, or get rid?

@LoveSandbanks this is what we've always done for exactly the same reasons, there's always been some wanker-dog here who would piss up it, dig it or chew it (or all three, one after the other).

The much missed Comfy Sofa had holes in it from StickDog who as a baby ate some of it, mostly silently whilst we were in the fucking room, and damage from StickDogs late older 'brother' who was unfortunately an inveterate house-pisser, he just couldn't contain himself at the sight of anything new!

These days it has been an exceedingly long time since StickDog has chewed anything other than toys, HeftyHound has never chewed furniture for he is a hefty saint (he does pong, he's got a degree in ponging!)... and the Ancient Wobbly One (16 years in a couple of weeks) is so old no one can remember if he ever chewed anything... his only crime is the odd sleep-widdle but this is mitigated by waterproof throws.

So I thiiiiiiiiiiiink now is as good a time as any for a properly new 'sofa of dreams'! All resident hounds have been informed that any damage to the new sofa will be repaired using their OWN HIDES and then I shall sell the rest of them on eBay for spares/parts!

We may run a book on how long it is before someone pisses on, chews, vomits or in AncientDogs case, expires on, the new sofa as I suspect I am being wildly optimistic!

@WiddlinDiddlin we got used to the rock-hardness(think we built up some callouses) but it still didn’t last long—something started eating the velvet so it had to be binned!
2 new rules—

1. Always sit on a sofa before buying
2. Never buy velvet furniture (we knew this even before the critter invasion. On the 2nd day, DD dropped a raspberry on it and permanently stained it)

Bum-callouses!!!!! Oh dear!

DP has (in a rare moment of wisdom) pointed out that in 44 n' a bit years, I have actually only paid for 5 sofas including this weeks three. Which is pretty bloody good going and I ought to be grateful for that!

So i shall be and shall grit me teefs when I have to sit on IT again... only 2 more sits!

Second 'new' (second hand) sofa is here, hurrah, hurray, whoop-de-whoop.. it is comfortable. Very very comfortable though my comfort-detector (arse) is somewhat traumatised by the previous thing so could be giving false readings.

It is a 70s shade of orange brown, threadbare, a smidgen grubby and made of some sort of hellish cross between velvet and short pile nylon carpet...

I couldn't give a flying fuck, it is comfortable and it comes with a perfectly sized footstool too. The horrible texture is also perfectly velcro-ish and grabs throws brilliantly so they don't slide off.

Dogs 1 and 3 think it is excellent. Dog 2 (Saluki) is giving it the side eye suspicious Saluki evils as it is clearly a trap or dastardly trick of some sort, out to get her.

Meanwhile, horrible interim sofa 1 is living on the pavement outside my house (it's not blocking anyone from accessing anything), because out of the 9 billionty people on a local FB group who said 'Oooh yes please' when I said 'available thursday from 11am, inbox me for address'... have a guess how many people have responded?!

Not hard... zero. 0. None. Fuckity fuck all. Tumbleweeds.

Annoying, as if no one had said 'ooh yes please' when I posted it, I'd have rung the council and spaffed £34 on removal (because at this point what the fuck even is money eh, I'll just work til the end of time to pay for all this I don't need sleep or anything)... but nooooo, they all had to say they wanted the horrible red leather monstrosity.

So lets see if it vanishes, it has a 'free, please take me the fuck away' sticker, or if someone moans to the council before I can organise them to remove it.

Secret option C is I find the correct spell to open a Portal back to the Hell-Realm it came from, and banish it successfully!

In the meantime, there it sits, giving my house the extra 'Daisy and Onslow's house' vibe it never needed! I might co-erce the scruffy dog to sit on it and shout at passers by if I get terribly bored.

I did not have to open a Portal to the Hell-Dimension... a nice chap came and took it away yesterday!

Fingers x the making and delivery of Lovely New Sofa goes smoothly, I'll update in 4 to 6 weeks!