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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I've done what I can about ds3's trousers

39 replies

elliejjtiny · 21/10/2024 12:57

Ds3 is 13 and according to the charts the last time he was weighed and measured, perfectly average weight for his height. He is 5ft 1in and I'm not sure what he weighs. He is quite slim though. He has adhd and autism.

Anyway, ds3 is ok for most clothes except for trousers. He needs age 10-11 for round the waist and age 12-13 for the length. School trousers are ok because he can wear a belt. He likes to wear jogging bottoms at home. He wears a mixture of different sizes, including slim fit but none of them fit perfectly, they are either too big round the waist or too short. I tried taking them in but ds said it made the trousers feel weird. So I've left it as it is. Ds3 is happy and comfortable.

Mil came round yesterday and sighed at ds3's trousers, which were admittedly more like cropped trousers but he was wearing long socks with them so he was warm enough and he was comfortable. I explained to Mil that ds3 is fine, that there are no trousers that are for children that are longer in the leg and smaller in the waist except maybe if he wore leggings but he wasn't impressed by that idea, understandably. Mil said that I was obviously incapable and told ds3 not to worry, that she would buy him some trousers that fit. Ds3 said he was fine with the trousers he had but now MIL thinks he is suffering in silence out of loyalty to his incompetent mother. And that was as well as her usual moaning about how dh is lazy because I put the bins out and how I'm lazy because dh cooked the dinner. And yes we have reduced contact but unfortunately we still see them sometimes.

OP posts:
Thommasina · 21/10/2024 12:58

Mil said that I was obviously incapable and told ds3 not to worry, that she would buy him some trousers that fit

Great! Ask her when she thinks she'll have them by.

KittyGetSmall · 21/10/2024 13:01

You need to get 12-13 and take them in at the waist (or have someone do it if you cant)

MammaTill2Pojkar · 21/10/2024 13:03

KittyGetSmall · 21/10/2024 13:01

You need to get 12-13 and take them in at the waist (or have someone do it if you cant)

I tried taking them in but ds said it made the trousers feel weird.

She's already tried that...

DelurkingAJ · 21/10/2024 13:05

I sympathise. DS1 had a 24 inch waist at 5’5”. Can I recommend ladies size 4. We had some from Uniqlo. But yes, his trousers remain difficult and frankly, taking in joggers that they’ll grow out of six months later is slightly overkill to my mind (I have a sewing machine and am competent to take in tailored trousers but joggers with making them look like they’re wearing a nappy!).

CrushTheNewsAgenda · 21/10/2024 13:06

M&S do extra long length for tall skinny kids (at least in school trousers, but I think I’ve also got my tall skinny 12 year old in long jeans age 10-11)

Otherwise I find ‘your comments about how we manage our family are unwelcome and I’ll just ignore them’ should do the trick

sparkellie · 21/10/2024 13:06

Next do trousers that are adjustable waist, which have been a life saver for me as I have the same problem with my son. I've nevwr managed to get jogging bottoms that fit though, as the draw strings just don't go tight enough. It's gotten worse over the last year because adult sizes don't seem to come with adjustable waists.

thistimelastweek · 21/10/2024 13:08

I'd let her crack on with the quest for the perfect trousers.
If she sources them she's solved the problem. If she doesn't, you get to say 'told you so'.
Either way is a result for you.

TokyoSushi · 21/10/2024 13:10

Lovely, let her get on with finding some!

Morwenscapacioussleeves · 21/10/2024 13:10

Let her crack on then!

FWIW I have a teen son who is similar - trousers must be soft, a particular colour, pull on, he's all legs & no bum.

I put elastic in the back of all of his trousers (just cut into the waistband & thread through & stitch in place/close up the openings) & that keeps both his ankles & bum covered!

LorettyTen · 21/10/2024 13:11

KittyGetSmall · 21/10/2024 13:01

You need to get 12-13 and take them in at the waist (or have someone do it if you cant)

Didn't you bother reading the whole post? OP already tried this.

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 21/10/2024 13:12

If your MIL is convinced she can find what your son needs Id say "great, thankyou so much. What a help" and let her get on with it.
My concern is that if your ds trouser legs are too short he will be picked on at school. Its hard enough being a 13yo school kid, even harder with autism and adhd. Kids are unkind. Maybe try seeking out advice from a local seamstress? See what they can suggest?

SJM1988 · 21/10/2024 13:15

This the sort of comment my mum and MILL make about my DS (he's only 7 though). We have the same issue. School trousers are fine as you can get adjustable waists. But he loves joggers. I have to buy down a size or two then they are half way up his calf. Can't win either way.

I'd just tell her ok. Let her waste her money trying everything you have already done

ForZingyHazelTraybake · 21/10/2024 13:24

Your MiL is lacking in tact but honestly there are lots of options out there for slim fit joggers with adjustable waists.

LoveSandbanks · 21/10/2024 13:28

Your mil is a cow but next will
gave what you need. I had 2 like this, the youngest is now 16 and still has 25” waist
at 5ft 11. He loves joggers and is at college so now I make them for him.

Smileatthesmallthings · 21/10/2024 13:31

SJM1988 · 21/10/2024 13:15

This the sort of comment my mum and MILL make about my DS (he's only 7 though). We have the same issue. School trousers are fine as you can get adjustable waists. But he loves joggers. I have to buy down a size or two then they are half way up his calf. Can't win either way.

I'd just tell her ok. Let her waste her money trying everything you have already done

We've found H&M skinny joggers best for my skinny 7yo fyi

SJM1988 · 21/10/2024 13:33

Smileatthesmallthings · 21/10/2024 13:31

We've found H&M skinny joggers best for my skinny 7yo fyi

oo thanks. I don't usually go to H&M so not tried theirs.

Potentiallyplausible · 21/10/2024 13:37

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 21/10/2024 13:12

If your MIL is convinced she can find what your son needs Id say "great, thankyou so much. What a help" and let her get on with it.
My concern is that if your ds trouser legs are too short he will be picked on at school. Its hard enough being a 13yo school kid, even harder with autism and adhd. Kids are unkind. Maybe try seeking out advice from a local seamstress? See what they can suggest?

Why would he be picked on? His school trousers are fine.

TumbledTussocks · 21/10/2024 13:38

Right well her attitude is horrid but just le ther crack on.

Either she'll solve the problem or, if not, hopefully return with a tad more empathy that she started with.

Maybe she will find something and your son can wear trousers that fit him.

Bubblybits · 21/10/2024 13:39

Your MIL sounds like a knob, but there are definitely options out there, as a mum to a long string bean.

These Lindex joggers have invisible buttons on the inside to adjust the waist. H&M and Polarn have the same thing.

Fridgetapas · 21/10/2024 13:41

Try European brands they often are more narrow and long. My slim and tall DS basically only has Zara jeans/joggers as they are the only things that stay up!

Borninabarn32 · 21/10/2024 13:46

Have you tried buying from the girls section? They're usually slimmer fit.

But YANBU she's been a dick to judge and speak to you like that.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/10/2024 13:51

Your MIL should butt out! It’s not like she has to wear said trousers.

PaperRemote · 21/10/2024 13:56

"That would be great if you would find such trousers."

She won't. Then you can enjoy the failure in peace.

Maray1967 · 21/10/2024 13:57

I’m used to this - two DSs who are very slim. You need adjustable waist jeans from Next. They pull in quite a lot. School trousers were M & S - again, adjustable waist.

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