To not want my smoker DH to sleep with me and baby?

[cosleep]

I of course know that smoking around a baby is terrible and DH would never do that. He smokes in the garage.

But I have been reading that he should not even sleep in the same room as us. Baby is 10 weeks old and sleeps in a next to me at my side of the bed.

I got him to put his clothes in the bathroom last night after I read about nicotine staying in the clothes.

Should he start sleeping in the spare room? How bad is the 3rd hand smoke?

Please don't tear me to shreds. DH had wanted to quit smoking before baby arrived but hasn't. He has cut down a lot though. He normally has 2 from when he get in from to to bed time these days. He smokes at work too, I can smell it.

YABU - DH does not need to sleep in spare room
YANBU - DH should move

Think of it this way - it IS an extra risk, it may be a tiny one but if the worst did happen and he was in the room then you would both blame the smoking and that doesn’t bear thinking about. For the sake of never being put in that position, yup I’d be in the spare room - even more so if I were him rather than you. It’s an extra incentive for him to quit too.

Don't feel bad about "nagging" him, he was supposed to quit and hasn't. These are the consequences.

Even better make him stop.

It soundsl ike he is following good hygiene routines so the risk is very low and minimal. I wouldnt be able to be with a smoker so I dont have any tolerance at all but he is a smoker and he has a child, like many parents who smoke so you just have to work with it.

Also tell him if he wants a proper relationship with his child and be able to snuggle with them too,he needs to stop, there's no trying about it, it needs to happen.

I'd ask him to do the research and make an informed decision. He needs to look at the dangers he needs to consider what he's doing himself. If you tell him not to come to bed etc then you seem like a nag and being too dramatic. (I would be the same btw).

There are also some surprising statistics about children whose parents smoke (even if it's just 2 or 3 a day) being hugely more likely to become smokers themselves. And how it's very unlikely if neither parent smokes that the child will.

Have you read the lullaby information. We can't protect them out and about but in their bedroom of their home from their parents?

I would strongly judge a smoking parents putting their child in known danger. And yes I would put a lifetime of health issues or worse for a baby up against a man sleeping elsewhere for a period of time.

I didn't let my DH sleep in the same room as me and the baby if he'd been smoking. Like yours he said he'd quit and initially did, but then took it back up again later, so he had to sleep in the spare room. I'd been clear about that boundary from early on, so he knew the deal.

Co sleeping is fine but not with a smoker. It stinks and lingers on their clothes for ages.