Double-Barrelling

[Bondii]

My partner and I are not married and have a child due soon. We'd like to double-barrell the surname, however, the surnames do not flow together. How on earth do we fix this? I have a child from a previous relationship so it's essential my surname is in there for the two siblings to have that in common. Any.advice is welcome.

Just give the child your name. You’re carrying it and giving birth.

Then just yours?

We are in the same boat ttc (we are married but I kept my name). Our surnames start with the same letter and are two syllables and both are verbs- so together sound like a shop 🤣

My husband doesn’t have a great relationship with his parents and my name is the more unusual surname. I’m (jokingly/ not jokingly) trying to get him to change his surname to mine! Fuck the patriarchy and all that 😂

I’m watching this thread with internet to see if there are any clever solutions!!!

I used my surname as a second middle name for both my boys, I didn't expect them to use the full name but because I never changed my name when I married my now grown up boys weirdly like to put their whole name of things when needed

Either use yours or just double barrel without it flowing. My DC’s name is double barrelled and it doesn’t flow but you just get used to it.

I’m (jokingly/ not jokingly) trying to get him to change his surname to mine! Fuck the patriarchy and all that 😂

Some husbands do this. I wonder if there are any statistics on how common it is?

Are the names actually unpronounceable together? Otherwise, I suspect the lack of “flow” at this stage is more that it’s unfamiliar and strange for you to hear both the names together. Anyone meeting your child isn’t going to have that, the name will just be a name.

If you really don’t like the double-barrel then I’d just stick with your surname - which is the tradition where parents aren’t married, anyway.

His as a middle name, yours the surname then your children are the same.

Just give the kid your name. If your partner’s mithered he can change his. Or put his surname as the middle name.

Give your name.
DD has a double barreled name - she hates it, it's too long and a pain, she has largely dropped her dad's name at the end and just uses mine for unofficial things, She has a good relationship with her dad so it's not because of that, she just finds it impractical.

Give the child your name. If he wants, he can change his to become the family name.

We're not married but have been together a very long time. Child has my name (I wouldn't have changed my name on marriage anyway so no difference). Partner kept his name as he was already known professionally. Both our surnames are long and difficult to spell, there's no way we could have double-barrelled.

Does your partner also have children from a previous relationship with his surname? If not, I'd just go with your name. It's perfectly acceptable for children to have a different surname from one of their parents. DP and I have 3 children and they all have just his surname. It was fine by me as I didn't want to change my name, and it's never been an issue for them.

You don’t have to ‘fix’ it. It’s not an aesthetic decision. Your child gets both parents’ surnames. My surname and DH’s don’t ‘flow’ at all. DS still got both names.

This.

Wish we hadn't double barrelled or that we at least hadn't cared about the flow. We ended up with the first surname constantly being mistaken for a middle name, so I always have to say (when I'm collecting a prescription or whatever) that the two names are surnames as opposed to a middle and surname. It's a right pain in the arse. DS1 is 16 now and I imagine he will drop one of the names eventually, which is fair enough!

Just use your name - if you end up getting married he can take your name then you're all the same.

Why are people suggesting that the OP uses her name when she clearly wants to use both names? I don’t understand that at all.

It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t flow, it’s just a name. If you want them to have both as a surname then double barrel it, who will really care. No one that will speak to your DC on a daily basis anyway as it’s only your first name that people really remember

My DS and his wife both kept their own names after their marriage. They are both long multi- syllable names and would have been cumbersome as a double barrelled name. So they have combined the key bit of both their names into a totally new surname for their DC. It makes a unique but not weird name.

My children have mine and ex-partners double-barrelled. They don’t flow amazingly together.
Eldest only uses mine, youngest uses mostly both but increasingly just mine. Regardless of my relationship with their dad, and their relationship with him, I’m glad they have the choice to use either or both as they get older.
This is the norm in a lot of countries. I wish it was here, rather than being seen as either pretentious or woke.

Use your surname, or make up a new surname for the whole family to use, single or double-barrelled?