Instagram user names and photo

[alwayschasinghappyendings]

Disclaimer: Please be kind. Yes I'm insecure due to how things have been with hubbie - see background below and gut instinct. I'm feeling pretty vulnerable right now.

My AIBU is - am I being unreasonable to assume that a profile on Instagram which has a female profile photo and has a female name is a female? The same profile with very similar like initials name is used on discord. There is banty/flirty chat with him on group discord there between this user and hubbie. This user also has a pink banner on discord. I don't know much about discord. Husband said it could be his daughter in the profile picture or his wife? Would you use your wife's name/photo or daughters for your social media account? Seriously? AIBU?

This is insane. If this is the point you’ve got to the relationship is well dead.

The Insta profile is following my husband so not random connection. He is not following back - he is strict on who he follows.

Well, yes. I am sure most people would assume that a picture of a female and with a female’s name would be an actual female.
Do you have any more context? So you’ve read some questionable messages and your DH is trying to say that this is a guy he is chatting with?? That sounds like a pretty weak defence if I am honest

MHusband's away with work. Things not great before he went. How he speaks to me etc. He's been very distant for years, protective over phone, very repetitive phone call numbers (6 missed calls in one day for example) that don't make sense from Germany etc. Kicked off big style (see thread on routers I commented on) about me asking for router password before he went due to me getting emails to say my Google has been accessed by a phone that's not my mobile phone etc. Don't know what to think.... When I bought it up and asked was this person going to the event he said he was a man. He apparently dropped by to see him yesterday at the event . Hubbie said he was going to tell the funny story but 'I was going on' so not going to. He did then say it was a massive hairy German man.

This would be mildly amusing if it was not my life. He's so guarded about everything, he spends 24/7 in his office, on his business/hobby along side day job.

Yes I am intelligent, but I've been worn down.

It's a weak argument and surely still flirting whether a man or a woman. On s side note, it seems strange to be stict on who you follow but allow anyone access to your pictures.

Before he left I asked for a quiet word. The two guys (customers/friends off the internet) he was going with on the trip for his business were waiting on the doorstep. You could hear on ring doorbell after. When the door to the kitchen shut, one guy turned to whisper 'they're marriage is in turmoil, he's pushing himself too much, I've told him, he's living...' it then cuts out. Husband claims even though they are standing on our doorbell and looking down the hall they are talking about someone else's marriage???

I’m not saying you’re not intelligent. It’s extremely common when you are in the thick of something to believe people’s lies because you want to believe them. But everything you have described here doesn’t sound healthy.

@Errors I didn't mean you said sorry! 😔 I meant I know I'm intelligent but I am still questioning stuff that if it was anyone else I would be like wake up and smell the coffee if that makes sense...

It's his insta for his own business

It sounds as though your DH is cheating on you and his work colleagues know about it.
He is treating you like a fool with his implausible explanations.

He gets really angry with me. Like he resents me. These are all red flags aren't they?

Yes, definitely. He should be listening to your concerns and reassuring you. Not getting angry with you. I recently binned someone off for this behaviour. It was really wearing me down being around someone who shows you nothing but resentment. You deserve better than this

I've been with him 20 years. I got made redundant just before major surgery and am under drug trials and not well enough to work. My phone and laptop is through his business. We share his lease act. I've been a fool. I have two brilliant teens at least...

He comes back with the guys he went with tonight and they will need to unload the van etc. I don't actually want to be in the house I don't know how to handle any of this...

Do you have anyone you can speak to IRL OP? Any chance of getting some distance from him to gather your thoughts?

I've good friends on hand. But I was thinking more of just taking myself off to a hotel for a few days. To give me some breathing space I feel suffocated. The kids are amazing and aware how he speaks to me. Problem is I can't take the car and live rurally. I don't want to leave the teens If I go he'll say I was going to talk to you but you weren't here or something like that... also people. People say don't leave your house it's half and half. I feel so paralysed.

Also is it normal to never bring your phone upstairs at night? I have mine in the bedroom for emergencies. He charges his somewhere think office but not visible. If he sleeps downstairs I think he has in lounge. So difference...

Go and talk to a solicitor.

You need to learn your rights.

The background was actually in another post forgot to link. Regarding routers. I have no idea how to link. Sorry it doesn't read the whole picture.