Ex doesn't pay enough, need to put on CSA, scared he'll keep the kids

[Naomitrus1987]

Hi all.

First post - sorry, a long one.
I've been separated from my partner for nearly 6 years. We have a daughter and a son (11 and 9)
We split as he had an affair with my best friend and now they have 2 children together (1 planned when we were together)

Since then, I've paid the mortgage by myself (He was still on it) and retrained as a teacher, now making a good wage and life for the kids and I.

He has regularly paid £350-400/month for both children. He earns more than I know as we used to have the same role so I know this isn't what he should be paying.
He has been threatening before, threatening to keep the children, and telling me to move back home and be without the children.

They live with me 24/7, he sees them on a sunday and has probably had them overnight 20 times in 6 years.

I told him in febuary I wanted him off the mortgage and was going to try and remove him. He agreed, as he couldn't buy a new house still on it, but I couldn't manage it.
Since then I've sold the house ( it had £100k profit) he said he didn't want anything from it, but we agreed he'd take £20k, and the rest remains with me and the kids - I'd need to pay into my new partners mortgage for financial security.
Since then he has decided he wants £20k, me to put £40k into savings and be released from paying the £400/month. I said no it leaves me worse off (me being the kids) and he effectively gets off scott free.

He decided to make the sale a 50:50 split, so he took £50k, yes legally entitled to it, but morally awful as he only paid the mortgage for less than a year.

I want to put him on CSA as he has really financially abused the situation and effectively stole the security the kids and I have for the future.

I am really scared to put him on CSA in case he decides to 'keep' the children on the days they go with him - would be impossible as we live 45 min drive away so he'd be unable to get them to school etc..

But he underpays every month, and doesn't help out with anything with them at all.
No, I do not need this to live, but I want his contribution to go into a savings account, and this can be used to pay for opportunities for the children.

Am I being unreasonable? Any advice is welcome.

He's had them overnight 20 tomes in 6 years and you are worried he is going to keep them ?🤔

Why are you paying into partner's mortgage? Are you drawing up a legal agreement with him re the house that you are putting money into? Or are you going to end up in another legal mess if you split from him in the future?

I moved into my new partners house - but need to pay into his - yes we'll draw up a legal contract so if we were to split up, we'd have some equity in it.
But basically, I cannot do any of this now as my ex took more than he was entitled to.

Honestly, he's unlikely to keep the kids - if he's got 2 kids with the new partner she's probably not going to want your kids full time! I'd call his bluff and get child support in place.

Your financial split sounds messy. Are you now officially divorced and did you get a financial order? If not, a lot of this is just unfinished business.

you mention your ex took more than he was entitled to. That’s purely a matter of opinion. What did both of your solicitors say? Was it all put in a financial order.

Your ex though should be paying you the appropriate amount of maintenance and I wouldn’t be bullied by threats.

Have you agreed to the 50/50 split? A financial order might take into account the number of years he paid into it.

I know CSA is scary, I feared that if I hounded my ex for it then it would be a monthly reminder of her existence and it would spur him on for more court proceedings/ harassment (my split was due to DV so different reasons to yours and he isn’t allowed to see her court ordered)

you have to assess risk, will he try to take them, will he try for 50/50 access, how will this impact your children? Do you need the money? Is it worth the risk?

in the end I thought the risk outweighed the money, so didn’t pursue. Though I’m not saying your circumstances are similar, you may decide it is.

its so challenging, people aren’t built with a moral code anymore, lack empathy. You and your children have been through such a challenging time why can’t he recognise that and do the decent thing.

he won't keep them lol

Where is a decent family solicitor in all this?? It sounds like you’ve got into a royal mess by trying to do this yourself?

Yeah he won’t keep them. Presumably you weren’t married and owned the house in equal shares? Why did you bow down so easily? You at least should have reduced what he got by the amount of extra mortgage you’ve had to pay.

are you certain about the amount he should be paying though? If he’s got more children then that reduces how much he would be assessed for by quite a bit.