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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Leaving 4 year relationship

15 replies

savannahh · 20/10/2024 19:30

I no longer trust my partner and i haven't been myself around him for a long time. Years ago he had nudes of his ex in his email and I saw them. When I said something to him about it he basically laughed in my face saying "I don't know why you're upset I don't even use this email". I never really got over that. When he saw how upset I was about it he started talking about how much he wanted to marry me. It's been years now and every time I hear him talk about marriage/ring I no longer get excited because I've heard it at least 50 times.

Since being with him I've changed the way I dressed(because he was uncomfortable with the way I dressed), I've changed the way I interact with people, I've stopped doing my makeup, getting dressed up etc. We don't go out on dates unless I ask. I work from home so I'm not out much. I've told him since being in this relationship I feel like an old lady.

He will stay out for hours and I won't hear from him until the next day. In arguments he will bring up how many women hit on him at work. He has given his personal information to a woman at work. The same woman he talks about damn near everyday. When I bring up things that make me uncomfortable he gets upset. Like veryyy upset and I don't understand why, but because of this I longer being up anything anymore.

I've stopped letting him know when I'm uncomfortable and I know it's not healthy but I just get quiet. Our anniversary is in a couple days and I don't even know what to say to him. I want to speak about what's on my mind but I also do not feel like arguing. I'm not sleeping well anymore. I'm always having dreams that he's cheating and the last time I told him about my dreams he asked me"what did you do to make me cheat".

Im only 26 I love him but I don't want to be in a relationship that's makes me this uncomfortable.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 20/10/2024 19:34

You don’t want to be in this relationship because you don’t want to be in a relationship with him.

It’s the idea of a partner you love, not this man.

LostTheMarble · 20/10/2024 19:38

You have so much life to live, so much of your youth left, do you want to waste it on this loser of a man? You know if it was a friend telling you everything you’ve said here, you’d say ‘that’s not love, get out now’. Hope you get away asap and start enjoying your life again.

AlertCat · 20/10/2024 19:40

Leave him. He isn’t nice to you, he doesn’t love or respect you. Be single for a while and enjoy your own space and time. I guarantee you won’t miss this loser.

pilates · 20/10/2024 19:43

It does sound stale - it happens a lot.

You need to address it.

Windywandy · 20/10/2024 19:51

You deserve much better than this OP.

You deserve to be yourself, not someone moulded and changed by your partner. You deserve respect and not to be taunted about other women. He is very probably cheating on you.
You are only young and you deserve to enjoy yourself and live your life how you want to live it.
You will be much better without this man.

Polkad · 20/10/2024 19:54

It sounds like a deeply unhealthy controlling relationship.

Can you move out?
Pack your bags and go.
Why are you wasting your life with this loser?

NeelyOHara1 · 20/10/2024 20:08

You don't love him you love the drama of being in a "relationship" with a "bad boy". Sorry, for being harsh 😘

Newagestage · 20/10/2024 20:23

Please just leave now, your young. Don't wake up in another 5-10 years distraught that you wasted so much time on someone who honestly sounds like a prick...there is so much better out there

ThinWomansBrain · 20/10/2024 20:31

Our anniversary is in a couple days and I don't even know what to say to him.

Option 1 - "I'm leaving"
Option 2 - "you need to move out"

seriously - what's your housing situation - are you renting or buying, if renting can you afford to stay there on your own?
Just start planning the best way to be rid of the twat and leave the relationship - it's not going to get any better.

veganmayo · 20/10/2024 20:39

You could be describing my last relationship. Leaving was hard as it meant leaving a home and friends I loved but it’s been the biggest weight off my shoulders and I’m 100x happier living my life how I want to with no anxieties anymore. You’re 26… this isn’t how you want the rest of your life to be.

Mrsgreen100 · 20/10/2024 20:44

Please get rid
he’s controlling manipulative arsehole get free now while you’re young it’ll only get worse

Sassybooklover · 20/10/2024 21:31

Never change yourself for someone else. If your partner really loved you, he wouldn't be trying to mould you into someone you're not. You clearly aren't the person he wants you to be. You are you, and he should love you flaws and all. If he can't do that, which it's obvious he can't, then he doesn't love or deserve you. I had a boyfriend when I was young, and he tried moulding me into what he considered the 'perfect woman', she was a figment of his imagination and no real woman could ever live up to his expectations. I ended up resenting him, and we split up. You need to leave your partner, find someone else, don't waste your life on him.

Noseybookworm · 20/10/2024 22:53

I'm not surprised you're unhappy in this relationship - he sounds horrible! You're young with your whole life ahead of you, please don't waste any more of your time with this loser. Find yourself someone who's kind to you, spends his time with you and cares about your happiness 😊 you deserve much better than what you put up with now 💐

Needalisteningear · 20/10/2024 23:47

Walk out and never look back.

Bosabosa · 20/10/2024 23:53

I am 20 years older than you and still feel 26 wasn't that long ago...life is short, it passes so fast, don't waste any more time with someone who treats you like this. You don't want to be 46 in this situation (or worse as you have kids with him and/or you have no confidence left PLUS perimenopause)....your future self will thank you, look after her and make the decision for what is best for you. You do not need this situation in your life.

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