To wonder what else I can do regarding child hitting another child at school

[BeCalmFox]

Hello

My just turned 5 year old started school in August this year (we’re in Scotland). After a few weeks I had a call from school to say that he had hit a girl on the face after an argument about sharing toys. I was mortified and I reprimanded him and explained why that behaviour was unacceptable. He was very upset and clearly mortified himself to the point that I’m as certain as I can be that it won’t happen again. Nothing like this has happened before and I can only assume it’s a result of starting school teething problems. I apologised to child’s parent profusely on 2 separate occasions. My son also apologised to the girl directly. This was around 5 weeks ago but the other parent is still very frosty with me - fair enough, I’m not particularly bothered by this. However, another parent had told me that the girl’s mum is still going round telling any other parent who will listen what happened and no doubt embellishing it. I’m really not sure what else I can do, my child has been reprimanded, both myself and my child have apologised unreservedly. I don’t think it’s fair to go to such lengths to ruin the reputation of a 5 year old based on a one-off incident that he was very sorry for and had learned from. AIBU to think that she needs to move on?

There are probably quite a few stories of misbehaving going on. Couple of kids in my Dd’s year have a “rep”, but thats for repeated behaviour. Sensible parents just shrug it off knowing that our own children can be little sods at times in different ways. I haven’t treated a child or parents any differently because of it, just sincerely hope for their sake they grow out of it (which most do). I’ve known otherwise calm children to lash out once, it happens.

Your kid messed up one time and tried to put it right, I have a lot of time for parents and children who do that. To me it would say you are a sensible and responsible parent and I would expect your son to grow into a nice young man. I would have really appreciated the effort you made to try to repair the damage, the card was a really nice idea. You can’t do much about it but I wouldn’t worry too much about it, most parents will be more measured.

Thank you for your reply. It’s very reassuring.

I think it’s fair to warn other parents that there is a potential hitter in the class.

Unpleasant for you, but people want to safeguard their children (which is a good thing).

This.

Also, there’s no need for another parent to ‘safeguard’ other kids from a child who hit one child, once at age 5. Cool your jets @TheLightSideOfTheMoon

It's a reception age class - the whole class are potential hitters!

And I say that as a parent of a child who never hit anyone but could equally have done so. And I never blamed a parent of a 4/5yo so hit once or even a few times.

It's the learning and changing the behaviour that counts.

OP all I can say is she will regret it the day her princess does something unkind. Because of course she'll accept that ALL the parents keep harping on about it. Which they should!!!!!

Thank you. I’m confident that he’s not a “hitter” having never done so during 4 years at nursery and being generally a very sociable child. Also confident that there are no safeguarding issues. I do believe that she knows this too but simply can’t resist the chance for some attention and sympathy from other parents.

Hitting is not nice, nor should it be accepted as normal. May be she wants to kind of vaccinate the class and the parents and children through that gossip against anyone who will ever dare do that ever again

Vaccinate the class?! Wtf are you on about?

Ah I feel bad for you and your son. Obviously it's not nice when your child gets hit but so far it's a one off and you and he have apologised. What more does she want! These things happen.
I know it's hard but try not to dwell on it.

I'd confront her and tell her to stop gossiping about my child but that's just me.

Silly girl has way too much time on her hands.
He is 5. He did wrong, he was told off and has apologised, and not done it since. She needs to get a life and move on (and I would be telling her so)

It's a reception age class - the whole class are potential hitters!

Eh? Its not common for kids to still be hitting others in reception.

Yup mines never hit but I know one or two kids who have and they are actually really good kids who just had a really bad day. There are some who are persistently badly behaved but I would assume they will grow out if it. 4 and 5 yr olds aren’t renowned for being in control of themselves. I would never judge a parent or a child on one incident. They are small, they are still learning how to behave.

Especially when a parent has clearly tried to get their kid to apologise and show contrition, taking the time to make an apology card, giving a present and a parent apologising twice in person indicates to me that a) parents are solid b)their kid will most likely grow up to be a good and decent person. I would absolutely empathise with a parent of a hit child, I’d be upset if mine was hit but it would be excessive to still be frosty to someone after quite a big apology. I’d be happier if I knew their parent took it seriously.

Sometimes Op I think some people see a weakness in decent behaviour and feel that it gives them one up on others and an opportunity to basically slag someone off and damage their reputation as a tool to enhance their own. If I found out that a mum was complaining about a child being a hitter to me and then heard about your response I’d think the mum was a drama llama. I’d also want to be your friend because you sound nice.

Do I say common?

No!

I said potential hitters.

30 years working in education and I can assure you most kids act out of character at some point in their school life. More likely at infant age and most likely at reception age.

They are kids. They are still learning.

Don't worry, other parents will soon get the measure of parents like that. There was one on DS' class, her DS was very much a can do no wrong, golden child and any child that dare cross him was a DEMON. Ofcourse her DS has become a manipulative bully and parents are backing away. Hitting as a one off in reception is normal.

Wow that's quite dramatic. My 4 year old has just started school and has already been hit by another kid. I literally didn't even flinch when I was told. Certainly would not think bad of the parent/kid at this age!

My kid was the persistent hitter, it was after she came out of a long stay in hospital. We dealt with it and looking back the other parents were really nice as were the teachers, which made it easier. As I appreciate it was not nice for the kids and their parents and they could have given me a hard time.

Thanks everyone. I appreciate that it’s not nice for your child to be hit and I would be upset too if it were my child. However, I do think she’s milking the situation as I don’t believe she genuinely thinks this was anything more than an isolated incident and she knows we’ve taken it seriously. I do feel that she’s detecting weakness in the contrition shown and is trying to exploit it which is a shame.

Ds was famous as the kid who shoved a girl of the top of the slide in week one of Reception for a bit but then another child bit someone and drew blood so it blew over pretty quickly