Usual to wait until a deadline to accept a party invite?

[HartandRoll]

i wonder if I can leverage the opinion of this wealth of wonderful mums to give me a guide on what the school party RSVP etiquette is - and whether I need to feel nervous?!

DD started reception 5 weeks ago, and to help nurture early friendships I’ve booked her 5th birthday party in early December and invited her whole new class of 30.

I sent the invite on the group chat 2 days ago … and only 3 acceptances so far. I did put RSVP please by 3 weeks time … but I feel a bit disheartened for so few replies yet (and a bit nervous about having an empty birthday hall!)

This is all new to me - so was wondering if people do tend to wait until the deadline to accept/ decline? I sort of expected with 2 months notice you’d know if you were free or not and so rsvp straight away? They’ve all read the message.

YABU - it’s normal to wait until the deadline to accept / decline
YANBU - it’s normal to rsvp within a couple of days of seeing the message

I think it being in December may be a factor as people may be waiting to check it doesn’t clash with Christmas events as there’s always so much going on.

That’s pretty far away to expect confirmation already. In a week or so, I’d follow it up and say sorry to chase but I need to confirm the hall.

I also think December is the factor and the fact it’s quite a while a way.

To be honest I'd think you were a little crazy for sending out an invite for a party in December! How on earth would you know if you're going to be free? The normal time frame around here would be to invite around 2-3 weeks before the party

A December party? I wouldn't want to commit to something yet incase it clashes with other Christmas things.

Also a general invite on a Group Chat with a group I've only known for a little while would have my anxiety wondering if the invite actually included my child.

Also a general unnamed invitation would mean I wouldn't feel as bad not responding.

The fact that it's December is tricky.

I'm usually the type who gets an invitations, RSVPs right away and then that is the priority for that day, even if we're invited to something else.

But December is tricky. Even if I didn't have anything planned, I'd wait until nearer the time to see if something was getting arranged with friends/family who we traditionally see in the run up to Christmas.

Unless it's YOUR 5 year old, a five year old's birthday party is not a top priority. Even if their diary is empty now, they may not want to commit to a birthday party two months in advance, bur rather wait until they are reasonably sure nothing more significant isn't going to come up and clash.

Waiting until the last minute to commit is rude, but I think it's reasonable at this point for people to say they aren't yet sure what their December availability is (work shifts only announced so many weeks ahead, family plans need to be discussed, etc etc) and will get back to you nearer the time.

It probably was a bit early to send out the invitations and as people say, December is a busy month. However, if I received your invitation and I had nothing planned, I would RSVP quickly, as I always do and stick it in the calendar.

Its good you put an RSVP date. I would leave it until that date and then see how you get on. Prompt the parents after this date. Good luck, I know its stressful but you'll have a great time!

DD mid December. I find afternoon parties for DD better as the parents can go shopping.

Parents with older children may well be waiting for confirmation of sporting/musical/drama/scouting commitments. These things tend to ramp up on December, and you don't want to let the team down.

Completely disagree with this. You'd know if you were free because if you wanted to go you'd say yes and anything else comes up you're now already busy. 2 weeks is short notice. Somewhere in the middle might have been ideal, like 4/5 weeks ahead.

Thank you for responses! Ok so it seems it may be a bit of a December issue that I’ve underestimated. I sort of thought well that’s why I’ll give 2 months notice would help … but totally appreciate people will have higher priority things at that time of year to juggle too. She had a birthday party at pre school last year .,, same date and I gave same notice and I got like 95% acceptance in the first few days. This school class is behaving very differently … so I didn’t know if school is just a whole different kettle of fish. but perhaps as some here are saying, the kids aren’t friends yet at school (like the pre school lot were) so they’re not going to commit as readily as pre school did. The hall holds 40 so hope we get more than 3!

You'd know if you were free because if you wanted to go you'd say yes and anything else comes up you're now already busy

Totally disagree with this.

Class parties are nice and I've always taken dc to them when possible. BUT they're pretty low on my priority list. If a friend or relative wanted to arrange something for that date or ds's rugby club announced a tournament on that day or lots of other things...they would absolutely take priority. The class party would be politely declined and I wouldn't even tell ds about it. He'd not remember or even be aware he was missing it.

Any rsvp I gave more than 2 weeks in advance would be unreliable because more important things may well come up...so I wouldn't give it.

I almost always say yes or no immediately because I'm such a planner but even I would hold off around Christmas. Like a PP said...commitments for band, brownies, beavers etc. take priority so as to not let the side down.
Sorry though OP, I know you probably want to be organised and reception class parties are a big deal.
Some parents are just crap.

And I completely disagree with this. My kids always had a great time at their friends parties so if I'd already committed to a party because I knew they'd love it then I wouldn't just ditch THEIR plans because I got a better offer. Its not about me.

It'll be a mixture of factors but bear with; send a reminder out towards the end of half term especially if you didn't include a RSVP date.

Unfortunately there will of course be some parents who just won't bothered replying.

We'd be waiting to see about older siblings sporting/music etc which aren't confirmed for December yet. And also waiting for a chance to confirm with husband who is doing what.

It may be that this class has lots of older siblings which just makes life more complicated

December is difficult, you did the right thing sending the invites out early. Next time put a shorter RSVP so you can plan. Whatever you do, don't panic, the birthday child will be happy with their party! I always ask some family friends with kids to come or at age 5, some friends from nursery because you know their parents better. You don't need a lot of kids to have a great party and you were being very generous and kind to invite the whole class.

I was quite strict with the class group chat when my RSVP date was reached, I just said 'I haven't heard from x, y and z. Please let me know today as I'm planning food and party bags, if I don't hear I'll presume no'. It was only 2 people.

You'll have a great time!

Those who have RSVP’d, was it via the group chat? If so I’d reply with something like ‘That’s great news, DD will be excited to see Bob, Jane and Fred’. Hopefully that spur others into action.

I always reply straight away and put it in the diary. Unless I need to sort childcare for my younger DC in which case I’ll usually send a holding reply and say I’ll be in touch in a few days. I’m intrigued to know what exciting plans other people are always on the cusp of arranging which means they can’t say whether their DC can go to a classmates party or not. I expect the Venn diagram of those who don’t RSVP and those who don’t host class parties will be a near perfect circle.

And weirdly a three week away deadline is tricky. I would probably look at the invite, think oh I need to make sure I reply, and need to check whatever else is doing etc, etc and then would think I've got ages to reply.

if I'd already committed to a party because I knew they'd love it then I wouldn't just ditch THEIR plans because I got a better offer. Its not about me

Many of the reasons that might come up for decline would be for dc, not me. Like I said, announcement of a rugby tournament being one...that would take priority and they're often announced a couple of weeks in advance only.

However, yes there are some family activities (and i daresay some for just dh and/or me) that would also be higher in our priorities. Christ, we've been invited to Christenings with less than two months notice. And no, we're not declining that because six weeks ago we said ds could go and bounce on a bouncy castle for an hour on the same date 😂

Expecting parents to give a definite yes to a class party two months in advance and then to decline everything else after that, regardless of how important - well imo that's ridiculous. But it's also never going to happen. People just won't be pinned down that far in advance, as op has found.

Thanks again for all replies - all so helpful. It’s that balance of enough notice vs. Too much … and I’ve probably gone for too much. Then them still having 3 weeks until rsvp deadline … is also a long time. I was trying to help the busy December issue (the timeslot I’ve got for birthday is the only one the leisure centre had free 2 months out) but potentially I’m just stressing myself out with the limited replies I’m getting this early on! I’ll try and not think about it too much now, but this group has reassured me that actually maybe nearer the time we’ll get a flurry of acceptance as people will be clearer on what they’re doing by then.