Taking a break from a parent

[OneGreyBiscuit]

My mum is a narcissist and has been emotionally and mentally abusive all my life. My brother (who couldn't stand her either) died of cancer in August. I came to stay to look after him as going to bingo was far more important to her and didn't want to leave him on his own. Her behaviour towards my brother was quite vile (saying in front of him how long the doctor thinks he has left amongst other things). I arranged his funeral and picked songs that were relevant to HIM and heard she was badmouthing me around town and saying she's not happy with me as she hasn't heard of these songs. When we moved 25 years ago, the house deeds were put in hers, mine and my brother's names but since his passing I've learnt she's put the deeds back to her name only in 2009. In short, I don't want to see or hear from her for a while and i certainly dont want to entertain her for Xmas. I was thinking of writing a letter but doubt she would take anything on board. I know it's a taboo thing to admit you don't like a parent, but I don't because she's never been one.

I’m sorry for your loss OP, it sounds like you were completely there for your brother when he needed you. You are certainly not being unreasonable here.

Have you seen evidence of the house deeds with your and your brothers names on originally and now currently without? All parties named on the deed need to sign when there is a change in the deed. So I wonder if a) you & your brother were never on it or b) she has potentially forged your signatures.

i would investigate this further whilst you are in some sort of contact. Then I don’t think sending her a letter is a bad idea. Wether she takes it in is her problem, not yours xx

My brother's executor looked through the deeds paperwork and that was when it was discovered it was changed. I was shocked as neither myself or my brother signed anything. The original deeds were still there which had all our signatures on it so I have no idea how she managed to change them without our consent.

The potentially nuclear option is to tell her to get the title back into your joint names or you will report the fraudulent signing of papers in 2009 to the police.

That’s sounds very odd OP. What country are you in?

You need legal advice about the deeds. This is very serious.

As for not seeing her, that's fine. I wouldn't make a grand statement, just say you are busy for a while. There's no need to invite more drama in.

Sorry for your loss

We're in the UK

Well that doesn’t sound right as you & your brother haven’t signed anything. I’d look into this further and go low contact

This is very serious OP, sounds like she’s fraudulently changed the deeds. Definitely seek advice on this as what she has done isn’t legal. Good luck x

Couldn’t agree more with the PP. This is potentially very serious if she has somehow changed ownership of the deeds. Get yourself some good quality legal advice quickly. If the executor of the will also suspects fraud, this will likely delay probate and the settling of your DB’s affairs while it is investigated.

England @OneGreyBiscuit ? Scottish law is different. Either way it’s impossible to do without a massive fraud.

England. I still don't know how it was even legal without everyone's consent. I will have to take all the paperwork into the solicitors who did this and question why was this allowed🤷 if it was just me, I don't think I'd bother but this affects my childrens future as well.

Insist on seeing someone at the firm urgently OP. You know you didn’t sign, so the firm has at best been very lax with their identity checks and your mother has committed fraud.