To think this is rude

[Moominmama0]

I always thought it was rude if someone gave you a gift and you told the person that gave you a gift that you already have it or don't like the gift it and return it back to them.

My husband doesn't see the problem with it, he says he would rather tell them so the giver can get the money back for it and not waste their money.

I see his point of view, but I can't help think someone has gone and thought hard about what to give as a present. For someone to tell them they already have it or they don't like and to return it to the person seems so rude and ungrateful to me. I would prefer they said thank you, and then secretly regift or donate it to someone else if they wish. Also it's not always possible to return items.

I have been on both sides, someone has given me a duplicate gift and I just said thank you I am very grateful and not told them. I have also had someone return a gift to me I gave them because they already had it.

We had a discussion on it and I would like to know other people's thoughts.

So am I being unreasonable for thinking it's rude?

I would never tell someone that I didn't like their gift and would like to return. in my opinion, that is in bad taste. If it were a duplicate, I might say something depending on my relationship with the person.

Giving and receiving gifts can be a minefield. I'm starting to dread Christmas, as it seems like such a big faff of gift giving and running out of ideas for people.

It’s horrendously rude.

The giver must feel like shit.

I was given a gift recently - a cat-shaped metal door stop - that I already had. I said I already had one, but laughing, because I'd never expected to see a duplicate. The second one is now decorating a bookshelf. I was surprised (I barely knew the person who gave it) and happy to have it, though I don't like being getting gifts in general, and it being a duplicate made it more memorable in a way. It was such an unlikely thing to happen.

I've told someone we already had one because I can't stand lying and thought they might clock it in my house! You don't need to be rude about it though. If you are close I'd say thanks so much but be honest.
If not close I'd probably not tell them if they weren't going to find out.

I'd never say I didn't like something though, unless there were specific reasons.

I got a duplicate pair of boots last Xmas... Took a pair back and swapped them. The buyer has no idea but has seen me wearing the boots. Everyone is a winner... Keep quiet..

I'd rather be pleasantly and kindly honest than have to throw or give it away, especially if they can return it, or make good use of it elsewhere. No need to be coy.

My dad used to do that. If you asked him if he liked your present he would tell you exactly why he didn't. I bought him opera tickets once for the opening night of one of his favourite operas and we were in the stalls. He complained that the sound wasn't very good.

It's really rude and hurtful.

It is rude.

But the fact that it is rude sometimes makes me want to give hideous gifts that need to be displayed to people I don't like.

Don't like the gift - politely say "thank you" and pass on to a charity shop.
Already got the gift - not necessarily rude if it's something easily exchangeable. For example they gifted you Book 2 in a series but actually you have Book 2 but would like to read Book 3.
That to me would be ok to ask if it can be exchanged.
Same with clothes the wrong size - it's fine to ask if it can be exchanged for the correct one.
IMHO

It is absolutely rude, no matter what way you dress it up. It makes the giver feel like shit.

In an ideal world I’d tell the gift giver that I already had the item, but I know in RL I’d just say thank you so much I love it, it’s amazing.

Your DH is extremely rude and unpleasant.
Tbh I would not be buying him any gifts because someone who doesn't appreciate the effort , time and money people put into buying gifts doesn't deserve to receive anything.

My teenage daughter bought her dad a jumper and he gave it back and told her to give it to one of her brothers. They’re estranged now. Not just over that incident, that's just one of many- just a selfish, nasty man. So hurtful.

I don't find it rude as I would sooner people have what they want. But I wouldn't tell someone for fear of offending

Unbelievably rude.

Incredibly rude. The only way to receive any gift politely is just to seem gracious and say thank you. That’s it.

They do appreciate it, that's why they don't want the time and cost to go to waste.
However we no longer do adult gifts on any occasion.

I agree it is rude, but some weird stalker friend of a friend is taking advantage of exactly this etiquette rule so I am having to firmly tell them to stop giving me creepy ‘gifts’

Of the two scenarios, telling the giver about a duplicate is one thing - being able to laugh about them having such great taste and knowing so well exactly what you would love...

But just telling them that you don't like it and don't want what they have picked out for you is horrendously rude and hurtful.

It is rude. It reminded me when years ago we had a whip round for a colleagues special birthday. We got her quite an expensive gift. She looked at it and rolled her eyes saying she already has one like that. We were all really shocked and one girl said how rude! She wasn't even embarrassed. Nobody ever got her so much as a card after that.

If it's a duplicate then I just sell it on. If its just something like alcohol when I don't drink I give it to someone else at a later date. Your dh is rude af

It is difficult… What do you do if people only ever give you gifts that you don’t like or want? I’m not sure why but people find me hard to buy for, so I only get given weirdly awful gifts. Now I just step out of gift exchanges completely x

How does telling someone you don't like the gift or say you already have it show appreciation? It shows you don't care about their feelings and think they have poor taste or that they have wasted their time.

@Left why don't you give people who are buying you a gift a wish list ? Make it easier for them so you don't end up with "weirdly awful" gifts.

I'm always grateful if someone gets me something. It's nice to be thought of.

However, if I do not like the gift or have it, I certainly wouldn't insult them and say I don't like it. I'd probably resell it on ebay and then get something I like. Everyone wins then.