A hand hold & advice needed please

[QuaintMauveCrow]

Hello,
I have often read threads & found valuable advice but this is my first time posting.
i don’t really know where to begin, but here goes!
I have a precious dd 8 months with my ex partner
we split up during my pregnancy due to his abusive behaviour which continues to this day unfortunately
constant harassment, lies, manipulation and gaslighting that I have now reported to the police
Today during ex partners contact time he (as usual) spent the majority of the time demanding to know if I am on dating sites, making up untrue scenarios (that he has seen me with men in various locations) and being verbally abusive.
when I requested for him to put our dd back into her car seat as his behaviour was inappropriate he refused telling me that he was going to take her unless I told him the “truth” about my personal life
I stayed calm until she was safe and strapped into the car, now attempting to leave he reached into the car and took my keys, I attempted to call the police and he then also snatched my phone hurting my hand in the process
I continued to remain calm not wanting my dd to become upset until eventually he returned my keys and phone and I left the scene.

i can’t take this anymore
i I can’t take the anxiety of him finding new ways to contact me, constantly looking out of the window worrying that he will turn up, the constant accusations that have no founding, the threats of suicide if I don’t have contact with him, the insults and threats of violence if I move on.

i know that this is abuse, i know that i need to continue reporting it but i struggle to really truly accept that it is not my fault that this is happening to me.
i have lived through similar before and am in no way saying that I am perfect, I have said things in anger that I am not proud of regardless of the abuse BUT i am a loving mother who wants the best for her children and I work hard to provide all the support and care that they need and deserve.
i think what i am asking for here is some advice around if i am being unreasonable to go completely no contact with dds father and request that he contact mediation/contact centre for supervised visits.
i feel like he will have a negative impact on dd’s emotional health and although i have been willing to accept this for myself so far in my life I understand the knock on effect it must have for my children, i want to be the best mum i can be and to protect my children from repeating this cycle of accepting abuse.

thank you so much if you made it this far 🌻

If there's no court arrangement for contact, I would stop all contact.

If he threatens suicide, call an ambulance.

I would start to keep a dairy of his behaviour and call 101 and inform the police of the last incident. Take note of the reference number. Inform him that any further contact is harassment.

If he turns up or threatens you, tell the police. Shut down your social media. Get in contact with a domestic abuse organisation for support.

Don't block him but divert his number to voicemail only. You can use texts and messages as evidence. Don't communicate with him but contact the police if he threatens you or says he's coming over.

Get a video doorbell that records and change the locks if he has keys.

He's an abusive arse and you shouldn't have to have contact with him and i don't believe your DD is getting any benefit from seeing him either. You shouldn't have to be going through this.

No constructive advice as i don't know how laws re: contact work - but this mustn't go on Fight against it OP.

This is abusive behaviour. Today he hurt your hand - tomorow it could be worse. Do you have family/colleagues/friends you could tell who can look out for you.
Can you go no contact and if DD must see him can someone else be there at the exchange. Try not to see him alone if you can. This is doing you and your DD no good. Do all you can to protect the two of
you. Really sorry it has come to this for
you and your DD. Good luck.

I am so sorry OP. Call the police, let the courts know he is being constantly abusive. Refuse to see him, and tell the courts that you will do hand over at a contact centre if they wish.

Thank you for your replies!
so far in the last few weeks I have logged previous incidents
changed my number so he can not repeatedly call me
only had contact through email or I have called him on 141 to arrange contact but nothing seems to help!
he is very scared about his behaviour being exposed so I’m hoping the fact I have logged this behaviour and that he knows I have videos of some of what happened today will be a deterrent moving forward!
I will definitely be buying a ring door bell and I think you are right about the social media as he whenever I post a photo or update he manages to see it (fake accounts) and this causes no end of issues!

it has been such a hard few months but I am starting to feel stronger, part of me still wants to hold on to the love that I thought was real at the start but the other 99% of me knows I deserve so much better!

@Marine30 it has been worse in the past unfortunately 😞
I do have amazing friends that have supported me no end and I’m really going to lean into that support! I don’t feel it’s safe for him to have her unsupervised, it’s not acceptable behaviour and I dont trust him after behaving that way in front of her. I am actually getting quite cross after writing it all down, I need to harness that energy I think!

It sounds like you just need to keep going in the same direction. Your ex won’t change and the likelihood is he may get worse so keep distancing yourself and your daughter,
stay strong and use your support network.
It’s good to hear you have great friends around you. You will be fine without him. Stay strong.

If contact is not court ordered, I would stop all contact. Your DD is only young but will pick up your fear and anxiety. This is not doing her any good. Tell him the only way you will allow contact is supervised visitation at a contact centre. Block him on everything and report to police if he turns up at your house. Keep reporting any abusive behaviour.

Thank you for responding I absolutely will be taking your advice 💐

I'm sorry that this is your situation but unfortunately this is a common issue. But it is not acceptable and you are absolutely not being unreasonable here. The child's safety and your mental health is the most important here. There are companies who offer independent supervised contact so you don't have to put yourself through that. You can contact these services on your own and request it but you should absolutely keep reporting these incidents