Single mom to 1 year old completely overwhelmed and struggling mentally

Leabee1234 · 2024-10-19T16:13:46+00:00

So I have a 15 month old son. I'm sat here crying my eyes out as I just feel so overwhemled and stressed . I love my son so so much but deeply regret the person I had him with. His dad is not seeing him at the moment due to him being under investigation by the police. I work part time and live alone with my son. I feel like I'm drowning and barely getting by most days. I need to move out at some point as my apartment is being sold. I always imagined I'd be happy with a family and this is the situation I've ended in. I tried dating when I had any time free and just been ghosted after 2 months he knew about my situation. I just feel like I'll always be alone struggling I'm on a high dose of anti depressants and just keep thinking am I good enough as a mom. I love my son so much and I'd die for him. I just feel so mentally overwhelmed does jt get easier. This isn't the life I planned and it's just heartbreaking that I feel like this when I should be happier for my son

PepaWepa · 19/10/2024 17:19

It does get easier. When the child starts school. I know it'll feel a long way off from where you are at the moment, but when that day comes, you'll still have the rest of your lives.

Sorry if that isn't exactly what you want to hear, but it's an absolute game changer.

Original poster

Leabee1234 · 19/10/2024 22:39

PepaWepa · 19/10/2024 17:19

It does get easier. When the child starts school. I know it'll feel a long way off from where you are at the moment, but when that day comes, you'll still have the rest of your lives.

Sorry if that isn't exactly what you want to hear, but it's an absolute game changer.

Thank you. Gives me abit of hope

OP posts:

CrispyCrumpets · 19/10/2024 22:52

1 year olds are really difficult. I found it the hardest and most stressful time so far and I'm really sorry you have so much extra on your plate. Life is just so unfair sometimes.

My advice is to try and forget about Dad for now. You can't change what's already happened and you aren't responsible for anyone else's fuck ups. Let him work things out and get back to you when he is in a position of being a responsible Dad. Maybe that day comes, maybe not, but you can't change or affect any of that so stop worrying about it. It's no reflection of you.

Try and concentrate on what you need to do next to feel grounded. Sounds like it will be sorting out your next place. Try to visualise it, how it will feel to have a fresh start, new space to make your own, out with the old, in with the new. Once you don't have it hanging over your head you can relax a bit.

With regards to your son, if you love him, that's pretty much 80% of his needs sorted. Try to enjoy him the best you can. I disagree that things become easy when they start school. Personally I completely love the 2-3 age as they start to speak and understand the world in new ways and become a little companion rather than a force of nature.

Prioritise what you need to do and put your efforts into the things that matter. Best of luck to you x

Candlesburn · 20/10/2024 00:07

I am sorry that you are going through a tough time . Children can be hard work and certain times are more tough than others .

Doing it on your own is also hard . 15 months is still very young and they are trying to be independent . Their personalities do start to shine through and you will find that it will get easier .
What about you do have family / friends close by that can help you . If not is there any toddler groups you could join on your days off ?
You need to look after yourself and try and carve some time got you when you can . Even if it is 1/2 an hour with a cup of tea when they are in bed .

Candlesburn · 20/10/2024 00:08

Sorry you should also speak to your Doctor as well , if you feel that your mental health. Is being impacted . Take care .

Original poster

Leabee1234 · 20/10/2024 07:42

Candlesburn · 20/10/2024 00:07

I am sorry that you are going through a tough time . Children can be hard work and certain times are more tough than others .

Doing it on your own is also hard . 15 months is still very young and they are trying to be independent . Their personalities do start to shine through and you will find that it will get easier .
What about you do have family / friends close by that can help you . If not is there any toddler groups you could join on your days off ?
You need to look after yourself and try and carve some time got you when you can . Even if it is 1/2 an hour with a cup of tea when they are in bed .

Hi I do have my mom and sister around but they also have their own lives and my sister has 3 children. My mom can help out sometimes but I also hate asking for help or depending on anyone. So I've just struggled alone thank you z

OP posts:

PepaWepa · 20/10/2024 08:05

Leabee1234 · 20/10/2024 07:42

Hi I do have my mom and sister around but they also have their own lives and my sister has 3 children. My mom can help out sometimes but I also hate asking for help or depending on anyone. So I've just struggled alone thank you z

Show quote history

I was in a similar situation, that's why I say about school.
I had my mum and sister but I didn't receive proper support. If you have that available, please take it. Don't struggle through alone. My mum started having my daughter for some overnight stays at 4 years old, this was the start of everything changing. I didn't realise before then just how absolutely essential those breaks are. My daughter is 7 now and my mum has her every fortnight for the weekend. Without a dad in the picture, I absolutely urge you to take help if it's available. You don't need to be a martyr, I tried that the first few years and it destroyed my mental health. X

Candlesburn · 20/10/2024 10:12

Hi , I think you need to speak to your Mum & sister and tell them how you are feeling . To be the best mum you can be to your little one , you need to look after yourself and that includes your mental health .

I think if they knew you were struggling they would be more understanding . It could even be as simple as they would answer a call from you rather than thinking oh I 'll phone her back soon .

I think if you are feeling really low . You should try and take some time off work . You can self certify for a week . Could you then use the time to get a Drs appointment and perhaps go and stay with your Mum / sister for a bit and then have an honest conversation with them . Sorry I can't remember if you had already mentioned if your family lived close by .

I think it is important to try and plan some support from your family if they are able and they could perhaps help you out with childcare / getting a break . When we are tired / overwhelmed we are too exhausted to think of solutions .

I am also someone who doesn't like to burden others . But you have to now and think if the situation was reversed would you be there for them ?
Good luck , keep posting ( if it helps you ) and let us know how you are getting on .
There is also a great thread in mental health ( I think it is at the top ) which is also someone who was struggling and needed help . Sorry not sure how to link .
Take half an hour at least out today and if you have a play pen / completely child proof put your little one down with some toys even see if they will watch some children's tv for 10 mins and speak to your Mum / sister . My kids loved in the night garden and that age .

Candlesburn · 20/10/2024 10:19

The other thread is ;
Can anyone chat to me ? Desperately lonely .
Op is needalisteningear .
In mental health .

Again accepting help from your Dr who may prescribe a short dose of antidepressants . If you have a good health visitor they could also signpost you to some help in your area - mum 's groups etc .

jeaux90 · 20/10/2024 10:32

OP I'm so sorry you are feeling low. I've been a lone parent for 15 years, I totally understand the pressure.

It definitely does get easier, the early years are hard and can be quite lonely.

I know this sounds weird but embrace the loneliness, you will get through the other side, you will start to be really comfortable in your own company. It's important as a lone parent, it means you'll never compromise your boundaries for a mediocre man.

Do tell your family how you feel, I found just popping over to my parents for lunch or them coming to the park with me a nice relief and some adult conversation.

I assume you work? How's that going?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/10/2024 14:02

Op I could have written this and every time I see this title (which is often) it's always 11-17month olds

It gets so much better at 18 months when they can talk more and walk better and they're less frustrated. Hang in there!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/10/2024 14:03

Ps you can afford it get yourself a few hours a week childcare when you're not working it's essential for your sanity

Original poster

Leabee1234 · 20/10/2024 17:47

jeaux90 · 20/10/2024 10:32

OP I'm so sorry you are feeling low. I've been a lone parent for 15 years, I totally understand the pressure.

It definitely does get easier, the early years are hard and can be quite lonely.

I know this sounds weird but embrace the loneliness, you will get through the other side, you will start to be really comfortable in your own company. It's important as a lone parent, it means you'll never compromise your boundaries for a mediocre man.

Do tell your family how you feel, I found just popping over to my parents for lunch or them coming to the park with me a nice relief and some adult conversation.

I assume you work? How's that going?

Thank you yes I have told my close family as I am at breaking point. I do work 3 days a week and my son is in nursery for those 3 days and it is exhausting as he is so clingy and demanding even though I love him. X

OP posts:

Original poster

Leabee1234 · 20/10/2024 17:48

Candlesburn · 20/10/2024 10:12

Hi , I think you need to speak to your Mum & sister and tell them how you are feeling . To be the best mum you can be to your little one , you need to look after yourself and that includes your mental health .

I think if they knew you were struggling they would be more understanding . It could even be as simple as they would answer a call from you rather than thinking oh I 'll phone her back soon .

I think if you are feeling really low . You should try and take some time off work . You can self certify for a week . Could you then use the time to get a Drs appointment and perhaps go and stay with your Mum / sister for a bit and then have an honest conversation with them . Sorry I can't remember if you had already mentioned if your family lived close by .

I think it is important to try and plan some support from your family if they are able and they could perhaps help you out with childcare / getting a break . When we are tired / overwhelmed we are too exhausted to think of solutions .

I am also someone who doesn't like to burden others . But you have to now and think if the situation was reversed would you be there for them ?
Good luck , keep posting ( if it helps you ) and let us know how you are getting on .
There is also a great thread in mental health ( I think it is at the top ) which is also someone who was struggling and needed help . Sorry not sure how to link .
Take half an hour at least out today and if you have a play pen / completely child proof put your little one down with some toys even see if they will watch some children's tv for 10 mins and speak to your Mum / sister . My kids loved in the night garden and that age .

Thanks so much I have spoke to my close family about this now and I think my mom.will stay one night this week so I can catch up on some rest. It is overwhelming and hard doing it completely alone but I love.my son more than anything so will keep going for him x

OP posts:

Candlesburn · 20/10/2024 22:37

Well done Op that's great that your Mum is able to help out . Hope you can get some rest and hopefully your problems will seem a bit easier .
You are a great mum and you are wanting to do your best for your son . But please look after you too and ask for the support when you need it . Even if you don't feel you should ask for yourself , ask for your son .

I think you have to be honest when you are struggling . Yes everyone is busy but those who love you wouldn't want to see you being overwhelmed . You can be there for your loved ones when you are able to . That is what we do for those we love , we support them when they need it . It's a two way street and you need to it now .
Take care

Onwards1 · 27/03/2026 16:18

Hi OP - how are you doing now? I’m a solo parent to my 14 month old and finding life so stressful and overwhelming. This isn’t the life I expected (my husband left for someone else right before my son was born) and I still struggle to find any happiness.