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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if ‘body positivity’ has gone too far?

293 replies

WildUmberScroller · 19/10/2024 10:35

While I fully accept supporting everyone for who they are, sometimes I feel like the body positivity movement is promoting unhealthy lifestyles. AIBU to feel like there should be limits?

OP posts:
No33 · 19/10/2024 12:44

Happykitchen · 19/10/2024 11:10

I think this is yet another fat bashing thread.

Yep

MrsSlocombesCat · 19/10/2024 12:45

Nothatgingerpirate · 19/10/2024 11:41

A PP said, had everyone stopped trying to lose weight?
That's interesting, I heard that ladies in the fifties were on laxatives etc...
How about not getting to an unhealthy size at the first place, then there would be nothing to promote.

You say it as if it's easy. It's not. Some people have lower metabolism and gain weight, some have a higher metabolism and can eat what they like and never gain weight. The women on the maternal side of my family are all very slender, the women on the paternal side are all bigger. Unfortunately I inherited the fat genes and gain weight very easily. Now I am over 60 and trying to lose weight by healthy eating and lots of walking and exercise. I exercise for over an hour every day and I am losing weight but very slowly. I know that lots of people are using weight loss injections but I am really not keen. Apart from the side effects experts are saying that once you stop them you will have a rebound appetite and are quite likely to regain the weight you've lost and more.

LouOver · 19/10/2024 12:45

In some ways yes however starting with the obvious. Including overweight people in marketing for active wear and gyms for example should be about showing that those spaces are also for them and not the uber fit, this in turn could lead to an active lifestyle. This is actually an important pivot of the Leisure industry.

On the downside we know that obesity has the largest impact on overall health and the NHS and I do think it's a fine line in marketing of not highlighting this.

DamnitImTired · 19/10/2024 12:45

People are offended that fat is seen to be in a negative light. I’m saying be happy and fat and own all that you but be sure to include the associated health risks if you are.

Yousay55 · 19/10/2024 12:46

It’s obviously not healthy to be overweight and I think most people know that.

By being confident and secure in your own body, whatever your size is good. Shaming people or not being happy about your size, doesn’t make people lose weight and I doubt people who look at videos of overweight people and think, cool, I’ll gain weight to look like them.

Being overweight is so much about the mind and mental health. You would tell a depressed person to just cheer up. Being confident whilst being overweight is better than being miserable S

Lookslikemeemaw · 19/10/2024 12:46

I can re-assure you OP, that there’s not a single obese person who is celebrating it, is unaware that being obese is very unhealthy, or isn’t trying to address it.
I don’t care what TIktok says. WE know we are pitied, judged, by others.
So if I were I would stop following plus size ‘influencers’ so that your algorithms change and you don’t see this stuff. I don’t see it. But I certainly wouldn’t begrudge someone overweight being allowed to make videos about the reality of travelling when plus sized or doing yoga when plus sized or showing off outfits that they feel good in.

LostFearlessLeader · 19/10/2024 12:48

DamnitImTired · 19/10/2024 12:43

I’m referring to the multitude of posters who seem to be offended at the description of their body size! It is what it is and you cannot change the dictionary.

Words carry connotations are are loaded with extra meaning. So fat can absolutely be used in a derogatory way and it can also be used in a neutral way. This thread is about the body positivity movement, in which fat is not an insult. But plenty of posters here will have experienced having that word used about them in a way that actually is intended to hurt and humiliate. You could empathise with that, or you could make snide comments about how you 'just love' the way that fat people can't even handle the word fat when it's just an honest descriptor! You know what the difference is.

I'm happy to use the word fat online when discussing threads like this, but I wouldn't say to a friend 'you look fat' or 'you've got fat' or whatever because I understand human interactions with some level of nuance and subtlety. You might want to think about that!

HellsBalls · 19/10/2024 12:48

There will always be some excuse why someone is overweight. Rarely will anyone admit to gluttony.

LostFearlessLeader · 19/10/2024 12:49

Gwenhwyfar · 19/10/2024 12:44

See how this guy has to defend himself:

dr mike accused of being fat phobic - Google Search

So what, everyone on the internet with a significant following will get abuse. Fat influencers get plenty of it too, it goes every which way. That's the internet for you!

Boobygravy · 19/10/2024 12:50

artis1 · 19/10/2024 12:37

Are you overweight, OP? These threads seem to pop up pretty frequently and I'm always curious about who starts them and why.

I'm fortunate in that I seem to have a metabolism that keeps me slim and I literally have never spent a Saturday morning thinking about whether heavier people are feeling too good about themselves and that what the world needs is for me to express my concern.

From the heavier people I have known in my life, I really don't think they are that way down to a burning desire to join a 'body positivity' movement. Surely, other than at the outer edges (similar to the pro-ana edges), it's just aimed at helping people feel happy with themselves as they are?

Perhaps, like me before I retired, op has to listen to colleagues and friends bemoaning their weight whilst banging on about their latest diet, weight loss, clothing choices never obviously losing an ounce in weight and in my case commenting on everything I ate because I was slim.
Be fat or not, eat crap or not but stop telling me that
a) I may be overweight but I’m still healthy
or
b) I can’t help being overweight it’s caused by my medical condition
said by the same person.
And I’m thinking well which is it?

Jen880 · 19/10/2024 12:51

jabbaf · 19/10/2024 11:12

yes I agree. I've seen a few clothes adverts recently with extremely morbidly obese people in them. The sort of weight problem which often results in death before 30.

Which adverts, out of interest? I haven't seen any clothes adverts with morbidly obese people. Maybe a rare size 16 model maximum, but also very tall which can contribute to one's size of course. I think it's good to see different sizes within reason (no clearly extremely unhealthy extremes), although I would agree body positivity is going to far if an advert only had morbidly obese models (and morbidly obese people weren't the target audience).

valentinka31 · 19/10/2024 12:52

WildUmberScroller · 19/10/2024 11:00

I mean all body types, including both extremes. The conversation is about whether promoting body positivity sometimes overlooks health considerations, regardless of whether someone is very slim or overweight.

I think part of the problem is that there are people who eat heathily, care just as much about their bodies, and do lots of exercise, who still aren't like the ideal of physical appearance and weight promoted all around us. Some of us might have sections of our bodies that we feel embarrassed about which even in other cultures might not be seen as horrible and somehow our fault, but actually as attractive. The body-positivity movement isn't really about 'it's ok to stuff yourself/do no exercise/endanger your health through bad eating and no exercise'. Because even if we all ate and did exactly the same, there would still be different body shapes and sizes. So it's about if genetically for example you have more curves (I don't mean euphemistically 'fat', I mean shapely hips etc) or bigger boobs or wider thighs, you shouldn't feel ashamed because you don't have stick thin arms and legs and a concave stomach. It applies to young people, maybe girls in particular, who just have a different shape, to women as they go through all these stages of life with their bodies. To men who don't have muscles and do have a bit of a dad bod. etc.

If you don't look on social media, where are the examples of media promoting obesity? On social media I'd say there's a drive, a very good one imo, for everyone to absolutely make the best of themselves and cherish their bodies and prioritise self-care, and not be perfectionist. A positivity movement usually comes out of a reaction to some kind of crushing prejudice. I don't want to feel that I should be deeply ashamed of my tummy after childbirth and that there is a hierarchy - those who look 'perfect' feeling somehow superior to those who aren't. In some places there is way more body positivity and it's interesting because in those places, the women look a lot happier, there's more variety of body shape, and people have smiles on their faces. I've moved from a place up North where even the oldest ladies in the gym changing rooms were putting on bright clothes and lipstick and looking great. Now I'm down in the South East in a supposedly desirable area where the women might all be uniformly slimmer, but omg do they look miserable/mean and grey. Obviously not everyone but ... and I know that if 30% of those ladies from up north were to walk down the street here, there would be looks of shock and horror on the judgemental faces.

It's this kind of thing that body positivity tries to address. To redress this unbalanced and unpleasant attitude.

gonnabeteoubleemma · 19/10/2024 12:53

https://snagtights.com/collections/snag-all-tightss*

This whole website

Strawberry4Supermoon · 19/10/2024 12:55

Well, I really like and admire Anne Heggarty from The Chase. She's the first to admit she's overweight and has an unhealthy diet but that she's happy in her own skin. Are you talking more about people who are in denial about being obese, bad diet, no exercise etc (backed up by so-called influencers) - not those who know they are not in good shape but either can't, or won't change it? Resigned to it.

MightSoundCrassButItsFactual · 19/10/2024 12:55

gonnabeteoubleemma · 19/10/2024 10:54

🤣🤣🤣

another one laughing heart head off

Monstermunch10 · 19/10/2024 12:56

WildUmberScroller · 19/10/2024 10:44

I’m definitely not suggesting banning anyone from visibility or limiting clothing sizes. I’m more concerned about the promotion of unhealthy habits under the guise of body positivity. For instance, I’ve seen influencers on social media who seem to downplay the health risks associated with extreme obesity. I think it’s important to strike a balance between accepting all body types and still encouraging healthy lifestyles. What do you think?

I'm on tick tok far to much
And there are largish people who every single video is about food , takeaways and the huge amounts they are eating..I'm a big person and I couldn't eat a fraction of what they do .
I'm not really sure who their target audience is ,maybe people like me watching in horror and shock.
But I do think that the body positivity is going to be .....well less positive..with all the current medications to combat obesity..I predict a huge swing back to the era of thinking Bridget jones was fat .
It will end up with people thinking being fat is a choice ... because with all the weight loss drugs around no one needs to be fat .
So yeah ,I don't think body positivity will last .
The plus size shop yours ,already has stopped selling the larger sizes in its stores ,you gave to order on line for bigger sizes ,no more popping in for a browse if your a larger customer.
It's a slippery slope , especially for those who can't afford the medications

DamnitImTired · 19/10/2024 12:59

Personally I could do with losing a few kgs.
I know what is healthy and what is not.
I know that most slim people aren’t just ‘lucky’ just like most fat people are not just ‘unlucky’…

Getting up everyday and exercising and having the guts to focus your eating in a healthy direction is flipping hard work and requires a level of self control that most people do not have.

I admire that dedication and whilst I am happy for anyone to be positive about their body shape whatever it is, I do believe that you need to have a degree of honesty about what you are doing to avoid the known health risks associated with being overweight.

you cannot be blind in the name of being positive and not offending others.

I have a number of close family members whose lifetime of inactivity and gluttony have caused immense pain on those who love them because they didn’t give two hoots about what other people thought about them and how they lived their life.

valentinka31 · 19/10/2024 12:59

Monstermunch10 · 19/10/2024 12:56

I'm on tick tok far to much
And there are largish people who every single video is about food , takeaways and the huge amounts they are eating..I'm a big person and I couldn't eat a fraction of what they do .
I'm not really sure who their target audience is ,maybe people like me watching in horror and shock.
But I do think that the body positivity is going to be .....well less positive..with all the current medications to combat obesity..I predict a huge swing back to the era of thinking Bridget jones was fat .
It will end up with people thinking being fat is a choice ... because with all the weight loss drugs around no one needs to be fat .
So yeah ,I don't think body positivity will last .
The plus size shop yours ,already has stopped selling the larger sizes in its stores ,you gave to order on line for bigger sizes ,no more popping in for a browse if your a larger customer.
It's a slippery slope , especially for those who can't afford the medications

that's interesting. I was thinking about healthy glowing influencers who aren't thin. I didn't know about the gluttony movement online 🙄

Monstermunch10 · 19/10/2024 13:01

valentinka31 · 19/10/2024 12:59

that's interesting. I was thinking about healthy glowing influencers who aren't thin. I didn't know about the gluttony movement online 🙄

I don't even know how I've ended up with them coming up on my tictock ,I certainly didn't search for them.and it makes me feel very uncomfortable,but I'm not sure why .
They were all in the paper recently,they got a free cruise

Jen880 · 19/10/2024 13:02

gonnabeteoubleemma · 19/10/2024 12:53

Ah, thanks for sharing! I've heard about this brand when it's been recommended on here but never been on their site.

I wonder if they're trying to make it clear that their rights really are for everyone. When not postpartum, I'm usually a size 8 and average height but I have bought large or even extra large tights for as long as I can remember as they always seem to be far too small. I can imagine tights being particularly frustrating if in a larger body.

I think it's refreshing to see larger bodies in tights (they're usually on models with legs up to their armpits who make me look positively dumpy by comparison in mine 😂) although I think a mix of different body types would be best. But maybe it's a plus size brand - I'm not sure!

annahay · 19/10/2024 13:02

Itsmychristmasdress · 19/10/2024 11:42

So the message should be 'beauty comes in all shapes and sizes" but equally, "don't celebrate beauty in bigger bodies, because that's unhealthy, and promotes obesity".

I actually think the message needs to be that your appearance isn't the most important thing about you, nor does it define your worth, and that we all need to be less shallow.

ohmymyyiaz · 19/10/2024 13:03

I just don't really want to see scantily dressed fat people because they feel positive about their bodies😁

Soontobe60 · 19/10/2024 13:03

Itsmychristmasdress · 19/10/2024 11:13

Do you mean people like.Lizzo?
Because people always get this mixed up.
She was always eating vegan and clean and you have to excercise hard to have her stamina on stage as a bigger woman.
She has always talked about loving yourself regardless of size. She loved herself just as much when she was bigger because her ability to be loved as a human is not about her clothes size.
So many commentators stating that Lizzo has done a u turn, she hasn't she is just losing weight(probably from weight loss jabs) which re enforces that her genetics are at play when it comes to her weight.
I cannot see anybody saying anywhere. Eat until you are morbidly obese, your value as a person is determined by you getting fatter.
It's just people saying. I am fat but I am still a beautiful person.

If she’s so ‘healthy’ as you claim, and so positive about being obese, then why would she bother trying to lose weight in any way? Your post contradicts itself.

valentinka31 · 19/10/2024 13:03

Monstermunch10 · 19/10/2024 13:01

I don't even know how I've ended up with them coming up on my tictock ,I certainly didn't search for them.and it makes me feel very uncomfortable,but I'm not sure why .
They were all in the paper recently,they got a free cruise

ahahaha a free cruise as well as not worrying about eating lots of burgers, nice
: )

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