Reality of having two children with this age gap? Is having two a breeze?

[Jkkk]

Already have a 2 year old. Considering ttc to for second but wary… it is lots more work? Is it similar? More challenges or less because they play together etc? At the moment I have lots of spare time as my in laws have my toddler a lot and guess I’m worried it might be a big step up for me to manage two/ever have alone time!

It's great sometimes.
It's hard other times.
Totally depends on your kids.
I'm pregnant with a third so it hasn't put me off entirely ha

Everyone is different- you will get a range of replies. I found having second as newborn easy, once on the move/napping less but still baby/under two really hard I can’t lie. Now coming up 2.5 beginning to play with sibling (age 6) I feel like I’m emerging from the trenches but that middle bit- 9 months to 2 ish almost finished me off 🫠

When I was pregnant with my second a close family member said “congratulations, it’s horrendous for the first couple of years but then it gets good.” Not the best time to say it, but with hindsight they were correct! I found 1-2 harder than 0-1. Total shitshow for the first couple of years. Sorry, that may not be what you wanted to hear!

Now mine are 7 and 4 and while we do have some issues with jealously and rivalry, they are also great friends and love being together.

It's definitely not a breeze.

It's is much more work.

But it's also completely doable as evidenced by all the people who have done it/are doing it.

It's much harder than one. That's not a reason not to do it. I don't regret having two. But I think two forces you into a different style of parenting ie I used to be able to go for lunches, tag teaming looking after the kids whereas now I feel firmly in parent zone all the time.
On the plus side you wonder how you ever found it hard with just one!
It just depends if you want another. You'll cope! And seeing them play and love each other is very cute.

There's a lot more grunt work. There are also benefits that having another one unlocks.

On what planet do you think having two children would ever be a breeze 🤣

You're lucky because your in-laws look after your child a lot. So if they will continue to help out after you have another, it will make it easier obviously. Assuming they continue to be in good health they might be able to look after both children eventually, but don't take that for granted.

In my experience (very little family help) having two is bloody hard work but absolutely worth it. It does get slightly easier as they get older - the bickering is always a pain, but not as much of a pain as parenting a 3 year old on no/little sleep after being up in the night with a newborn!

Of course it's more work, you have two children. Yes, you have less time to yourself.

If the goal was to avoid work and have time to yourself, you wouldn't have had a child in the first place.

By the time the youngest gets to 3/4 sort of age they play together. Yes there are squabbles but I think it's less work and less intense than families with one child where the parents are the whole world and entertainment for the child.

It also depends what kind of kid you get. Having a baby is always spinning the roulette wheel.

There is a gap of just under four years between my two. DD did take a bit of time to adjust to having a little brother but the age gap has worked out well as they've got older. They get on most of the time, are close enough in age to have interests in common but far enough apart to not compete with each other.

Having a newborn and a young DC will always be hard work. Only you will know if it will be worth it for your circumstances.

I am 3 months into 2 under 2 and have found 1-2 a much harder transition than 0-1. It’s harder to give your partner a break, as one of you tackles each child, we don’t really have a “village” either so it is a bit intense. I think it completely depends on the temperament of your children though so responses will vary, my 1st was a ridiculously easy baby while my 2nd is a total velcro baby which is hard to juggle with an emotional toddler. I’d of probably found it easier if they’d been born the other way round! Hoping it will pay off in the long run and they will play and entertain together. Seeing them together now is lovely though, the toddler is obsessed with the baby and giving her non stop kisses and cuddles.

We had a small age gap between DD and DS - 20 months. it was hard because DD would still really want and need me but we had a newborn who was totally dependent on me.

BUT they’re now nearly 2 and 3.5 and they play together nicely. For us it was harder going from 0-1 and 1/2, well DS just slotted in. I’m not saying it’s amazing and it’s always perfect. It’s totally manageable and I like that they’re now playing with each other

It's more boredom, mileage and stress as you have 2 to drive for the next 17 years to their activities and then sit either inside an overheated swimming pool or outside in some parking lot without mobile reception - or worst case akwardly in the kitchen of some parent you have nothing in common with but who kindly hosts a playdate . 1 child would mean on average a lost Saturday and 2 lost evenings, 2 children mean an entire lost weekend and 4 lost evenings. There are also often 2 school runs to different schools/nursery, 2 sportsdays, 2 nativity plays etc, etc.

We have that age gap. Very hard for the first year. Lovely now as they're good friends and can play together. Their bond is adorable. I'm aware it may get hard again if they do lots of different extra curricular activities, but then easier again once they're into adulthood and have each other to lean on. So, on the whole it's wonderful and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Would never have three though!!

I worried a lot about this and came to the realisation that I don’t think there will ever be a time when it’s easy with 2 children, so we just got on with TTC.
I’m now 29 weeks pregnant and my toddler will be 2.5 years once they arrive.

It’s probably going to be chaos for the first year and hopefully, we’ll settle into the swing of being a family of 4.

I feel like every stage of parenting is a bit wild until children are much older.

I found it a lesser adjustment going from 1 to 2 kids, than from zero to 1. But still an adjustment.

First couple of years are gruelling, as PPs have said, juggling needs of needy but differing small children who cannot understand why you need to juggle or delay.

Once mine were about 3 and 6, things got much easier. They play well together (well there's still whinging and arguing) and we have fun, can go out without planning around nappy bags, naps. They are curious, ask questions and are delighted by simple things.

When I've got just one child for a day, it is so much easier but I also miss the buzz of when they're both together. Overall, I love having two, but the first two years were a slog that's now becoming worth it.

I found having my first child very difficult, I had Dc2 12 months later & found it a breeze. Going from 2-3 was brutal though, I had 3 under 3, then 4 under 4. Each child means less time to yourself, stress, pressure on finances etc however, they are all very close, play together a lot and amid the chaos it’s mostly quite lovely albeit busy. I had no help in those early years, no family help & Dh worked away until COVID but I was very organised, had simple plans & muddled through.

Gap of just under 4 years between my two. I think having one out of nappies was a life saver although I did seem to have forgotten how to change a nappy in the time between them both

Found the 2nd one much easier as I knew what I was doing. Eldest went to school when youngest was 3 months old so that helped

Forgot to mention as well that DD will have finished uni before DS finishes his A-levels which makes things easier financially for us. Didn't do this on purpose but an unexpected advantage of a slightly bigger age gap now they're older.

Personally found it fairly easy having a baby and a toddler but when the second was between 1.5 and 3 it became very hard. One wants to go out, the other one wants to stay in, fighting over attention etc etc. wouldn’t change it but it hasn’t been ‘a breeze’.

Also the arguing - arghhhh

15 months between my 2, first 18 months were awful, we ( me and Dh) lived to survive, but after 18 months it got a lot easier and now it's a breeze!

Strangely I've found having two children easier than having one was. Aspects of it are harder but overall it's easier especially now DC2 is no longer a baby. But I have a bigger age gap - almost 5 years. That's beginning to present its own issues as sometimes activities aren't suitable for both (tiny soft plays or big trampoline parks, for instance). With a closer age gap, that would be less of a problem. But I had a difficult second pregnancy and, although we wanted a much smaller age gap than we got, it was definitely a silver lining going through pregnancy with a fairly sensible 4yo rather than a demon toddler.

Meant to add - there are pluses and minuses to all scenarios and you don't always get what you want anyway. And it depends so much on the children's personalities, some siblings get along well and entertain each other and some are at each other's throats the whole time.

This

Well, nearly, my 3rd is now in her 20s

But how challenging it is depends on so many variables, mostly what the individual children are like.

Depends. My mum said having 2 a similar age was easier as we played together. But that's only when the youngest becomes old enough. But if they're not playing, they're arguing, so that wouldn't be easier. Well, maybe in the sense that at least they're still occupied lol.

Some mums seem to drown after having another child.

The age gap between my two is 12 years, haha. So it's a lot easier. Older one holds the baby for me.

I read a passage the other day about not putting so much weight on age gaps. I can't remember what it said exactly. But it was actually really great, and made loads of sense.

I found my IL were very helpful when it was just one GC. Now there are 2 younger bonus GC from the other side and they really struggle. Not sure if you’ll be getting the help you get now if there is one more.