Not really bully but...

[Aibusadandhormonal]

DD4 has a squint. Pronounced when tired which she generally is by the end of the day in Reception. A boy in DD9s class told her that her eyes were creepy. He's a boy we've had trouble with before with DD9 when they were younger. He's not a bully exactly but more has to be the centre of attention and will draw attention to others flaws to do that or to big himself up.

Do we say something to the teacher? If so- whose? This happened at afterschool care and which is generally great but they can get a bit feral at times.

It is bullying and frame it as such - especially as you've had problems with him before. Don't minimise it unless your DD is genuinely not bothered by him.

She is genuinely not fussed. She believes it to be her super power and she can see in 2 directions at once. But she's still little so at some point it will bother her.

He's been so much better the last 2 years but he is still a little shit.

It is bullying and bullies need to be dealt
with

regarding the squint, is she getting treatment to help her? My daughter is 10, has the same and has been wearing glasses since she was 3. Recently we were told by the ophthalmologist consultant that if he was to operate to correct it the ideal time would have been when she was about 5. Unfortunately this was bang in the middle of covid and all appointments were cancelled

@Aibusadandhormonal as someone who was bullied mercilessly for my squints please please get this squashed by the school ASAP it destroyed my confidence.

Once isn’t bullying. If he keeps doing it then it is and come down on him like a pound of bricks. If he just said it once and she’s brushed it off it might have been handled.

The reason 5 is the optimal age is due to how long it takes you to adjust to the massive change in vision caused by the repositioning of 1 or both eyes the feeling being that the earlier it's done the quicker you adjust. They generally can't operate before the child is 5 because the eye sockets are to small to get the eye out without damaging it.
The draw back from having the surgery so young is that they have to estimate how the muscles will grow so the squints are more likely to return or to have been over corrected and turn the opposite way both require more surgery to fix.
Back in the stone age when I had mine fixed they would only operate on 1 eye at a time so I had surgery on my right eye at 5, my left eye at 7 and my right eye again at 11. 20 years ago when my dd had her surgery aged 5 they did both eyes at the same time and they were brilliant about pain relief and injected a local anesthetic into the muscles they operated on which made it so much less painful for her than me (didn't even get paracetamol let alone a local). However she had to get hers redone when she was 10.
Please don't be put off by the consultant and do push for the operation yes it will take slightly longer for her to get used to her improved vision but it will be less likely to need revision surgery and the long-term benefits will out way the short term discomfort

Its bullying, and he's old enough to learn not to comment on other people's appearance.

Thank you for this perspective. Encouraging to hear from others in this same situation

The ophthalmologist has said its unlikely she will be able ro be operated on- it's about her vision processing rather than eye muscles. But she's still young so we will wait and see.

She is unfussed but I know it's just going to be the first of many...

I feel bad making a big deal (also because I've just spoken to the school about a separate safeguarding issue)

But who would I talk to? Reception teacher won't know him.

Speak to his class teacher. If he's 9 he's old enough to know that it's unkind to comment on your little girl's appearance. Hopefully his teacher will give him a good telling off.

I would speak to the teacher and just make them aware, I wouldn't necessarily call it bullying if it's only happened once but it's best to let the school know

It’s not bullying because it’s only once. Bullying is repeated comments or attacks. However it is an unpleasant comment and I would speak to this boys teacher or DDs teacher.

Its bullying even if its 'only' once. Its the behaviour that makes it bullying, not how often it occurs.

Thanks. I'll talk to DD9s teacher on Monday

It really isn’t.

’The Anti-Bullying Alliance and its members have an agreed shared definition of bullying based on research from across the world over the last 30 years.

The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online.’

Not to excuse it or say it’s ok, but it’s not bullying.

anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/tools-information/all-about-bullying/understanding-bullying/definition

So if a group of kids all bully their victim but they only do it once, you don't think that counts?
Bullying is an intentional behaviour. It can be one serious event, or a series of low level, under the radar events that appear so mild other people don't even notice.

Bullying is more than once. I’m not excusing anyone being horrible as a one off and that is hurtful and dreadful but it is not bullying as defined by the anti bullying alliance.