Want DS to have my surname

[Simbasumba]

My toddler DS sees his dad once a week, that’s it. No more than that as he refuses to see him. Fine by me.
DS is due to start school next year and I hate that he doesn’t have my surname.
his dad won’t be having anything to do with any school-related things at all.
when DS was born, his dad was put on the birth certificate and I let him have his dads surname because it felt like the ‘right thing to do’. More fool me hey.
how do I broach the subject with his dad about changing DS’s surname?
thanks in advance

Seems unlikely he’ll agree. Would you compromise on double barrelled?

I believe you can be known as another name but need Dad permission to officially change.

My friends DC have her new husband's name at school but on passport their dad's.

I think all you can do is write to him and state you want to change it and ask for his permission (which you will need I believe?) You can explain that it will be easier for administrative issues and makes sense since he won’t be involved?

This will be a bit of a sore subject for you, I’m sure, but I’d really like DS to have my surname. He’ll be starting school soon and all the school admin will obviously be going through me. All permission slips, contact details etc etc. it would be preferable if he and I had the same surname.
Can you let me know if I’m ok to go ahead with this. I’d need your permission to change it officially. I’d obviously incur all the cost of doing this.
As it stands, it doesn’t make much difference to you, what his surname is. You’ll always be on his birth certificate

this is what I’ve just sent. I think I know what sort of reply I’ll get

You could easily start double barrelling the name anyway.

I could double barrel it, but I think that’s a bit unfair to DS, that he’d have to learn a ridiculously long name that, including his middle name, would be four names

Just tell school that he goes by your surname and use it for everything unofficial. When he gets old enough to change it legally without his father's permission he may decide to do so, given he sounds a bit of a useless deadbeat.

He isn’t ‘useless’ as such. I mean, he won’t have him more than one night a week, under any circumstances. But he does love DS. He buys him clothes(but never sends them home with him-will send him home in the(now dirty) clothes I sent him in. He pays CM through the proper channels. He was quite happy to not do this officially, as he has to pay more now.
other than that, he’s great 😂

I work in a school. I have had a few children in my classes who have a 'legal' surname which is different to the name they are known as. I would just let the school know.

Just use yours as a known by. There is no way most parents would agree to change their child’s surname from their own.

Going by a 'known' name is fine until you get to GCSE time when everything has to be done in their legal name. Similarly passports. It's quite common for year 11s to officially change their names before exam season.

If he doesn't agree then you have no chance as the court won't remove his surname.

You'd have a better chance at double barrelling.