Don’t tell me you’re finishing early!!!

[Retailchick]

AIBU for being fuming at my husband for telling me at 2pm (when wfh) he had a few more emails and was going to finish up early for the day, to then tell me at 4pm he had about half hour left of work and would then be down and over 2 hours later he’s nowhere to be seen and I’ve been dealing with a whinging/ screaming/ boisterous / tantruming toddler all day….

Am 35 weeks pregnant with second, totally exhausted and feel like I’m getting zero support. Husband has worked late all week (if “work” counts as lots of nice dinners and drinks receptions after work), coming home at midnight and sleeping in spare room so he gets a nice lie in whilst I deal with our son waking me up several times a night, on top of getting up to pee every 5mins. Oh and also telling me in the morning how badly he’s slept (!!!!!)

He knows this pregnancy is taking it out of me - just don’t get my hopes up that I can have a bit of a rest this evening if you’ve clearly had no intention of following through!!

Took my son out for a few hours this afternoon to the library/ park/ M&S cafe to get out the house but definitely wouldn’t have walked so far and exerted so much energy if I knew I would be coming home to do dinner and bedtime alone again (as usual) and on top of this my son has been in a foul mood this evening having not napped and now I’m snapping at him and losing my temper for climbing all over me and kicking my stomach - DH will have heard a lot of the shenanigans and has made no attempt to come down and help.

Not sure why I’m posting other than to vent and say I’m totally fed up!

I would be furious. You are not unreasonable.
Can you get some time alone tomorrow to rest?

Walk up to his office hand over said toddler and say I’m going to bed - good night.

you won’t get any respect or fairness if you just act like a doormat.

He's working.

If he was in the office, he wouldn't have been there so I don't see why it's any different.

If his job involves socialising, that's his job and what is paid to do.

WHF doesn't mean nothing no work if something else crops up.

You definitely need to do this. What an arsehole leaving you all day thinking he's finishing early so you can get a break and then just staying upstairs even though he's blatantly heard the commotion. Take toddler to him and tell him he's his responsibility tonight. Really sorry your husband is a twat

“Oh and also telling me in the morning how badly he’s slept (!!!!!)”!

I would murder him.

And you’re having a second child with this man?! 😂 my sympathies OP - sounds hard and your husband sounds useless…. What are his good points?

Do you know if he is/was working? We both spend plenty of leisure or research time in out studies.

If something important has come up he should have told you. If he's sat there watching YouTube he's a wanker.

This needs a proper conversation. Did he realise you were waiting for him to take over? I know he should have but does he have plausible deniability because it wasn't expressly stated?

I hope you get a nice relaxing weekend whilst your toddler gets much needed daddy time.

Thank you for all these responses - I’ve had a good laugh reading some of them and have to say it’s cheered me up… have managed a nice relaxing bath after DS went to sleep and left DH downstairs with the dishes…

He did come and take over eventually albeit much later than I thought, and as you say @Longma it wasn’t about him getting caught up at work (I fully appreciate this happens) it was the lack of communication and the fact that tension has been building all week where I’m drained and feeling like the times he isn’t at work it has still all been falling to me, despite being heavily pregnant. Should also mention for context that I’m a SAHM so it’s been a challenge to make sure he understands that when he’s not working it should be a team effort and especially at the moment he should be stepping up. It’s like he runs on his own time zone and hates being asked (he would say told) to do anything. Fully aware it’s only going to get harder with another baby so want to set the foundations now…

In fairness he does have his good points, but time management is not one of them and neither is prioritising anything other than work… but I’ve always known this and made the decision a long time ago that it wasn’t a deal breaker and it’s something I’ve learnt to live with. It infuriates me no end at times but we’re in a fortunate position financially because he takes this attitude towards his job/ work… today was just particularly hard and I needed to vent.

And yes @Bigearringsbigsmile i will absolutely be taking any opportunities tomorrow to rest! Read: I will be milking it… 😂

I sympathise OP and I'd have been furious too.

It took me years to drum into DH that I don't care what the answer/time/plan is as long as I know. What I can't deal with is what your DH did today.

I would do things very differently if I knew DH was appearing in 30 mins compared to 4 hrs (e.g. kill half an hour with a book/puzzle/TV show vs take kids out to the park to kill a couple of hours).

Granted I'm autistic so I do very poorly with unpredictability and plan changes but either way he's being very inconsiderate, especially when he knows you're struggling.