To discharge myself from the midwife service?

[Empressofall]

My baby is 4 weeks old. When we were released from the hospital, I was told a midwife would be round the following day (I was filly expecting this as they'd done so with my oldest son). Nobody came. Nobody came the following day. Nobody came until day 3 when I rang. Turns out, I'd been left off the list. I was quite miffed but agreed to let someone come that evening. She turned up at 5.30pm on the Monday. We'd been home since 7pm Friday.
I wasn't told when anyone would come to do my discharge. I received a phone call last week but during the call was advised to go to the assessment unit as my c section scar was possibly infected. She told the unit to expect me and said she'd "catch up with me after you've been". She never called.
I rang on Wednesday to see what was going on. I was told someone was coming "at some point" today to discharge me. I've been home home a toddler and newborn waiting all day. We've not left the house. Missed classes I've paid for (can't really afford to not turn up). Haven't been to the park. Nothing.
I rang them just now and they've told me the midwife was "in clinic all day" but could come to me "some point this evening". If she was in clinic all day, why arrange my discharge for today?!
I. Lost. My. Shit.
I told the woman on the phone that this wasn't good enough as I was sick of chasing them. I appreciate they're busy but this is literally their job. If I didn't do my job, I'd be sacked.
I ended up telling them I've discharged myself. That I won't be waiting around, I haven't received any post natal care and that I'm done.
My question is... am I actually allowed to do this? All I know is that if anyone turns up tonight, they'll not be allowed in. It's currently pissing down with rain and I'm more than happy to make them stand on the doorstep.
I'm so upset.

That’s terrible.
Id make a complaint now via Pals. Your baby could be poorly, not gaining weight etc and theyd not even know! Or you!

The HV has been. She seems happy, if a little nosy. Not overly keen on her either tbh.

You don't need to see either the midwife or the HV.

Did your baby have their Guthrie test done? Heel prick and blood spots?

Statutory midwifery support normally ends at 28 days after birth, unless ongoing problems.

I'd definitely be raising a complaint. There could have been something wrong with you or baby and their shitty attitude would mean they missed it. I know post natal care has gone to shit but that's ridiculous. Completely understand about the HV too. Mine was absolutely useless too. Hope you and baby are ok

A lot of areas only do one or even no post-birth home visits now. Instead expecting new mothers and babies to attend a clinic instead. It's appalling.

Please complain.

Whilst it's not that individuals faults nothing will change if we don't all complain when things go wrong

I wasn't even told attending a clinic was an option. I've had no communication at all.
I'm in Wales so not sure where I stand with it all. I called the GP surgery and they had no idea. She did tell me that withdrawing from HV services would "make things difficult and raise suspicion". So I'm just supposed to deal with shitty "service" at a time when I'm at my most vulnerable?
Fuck this! I'm so sick of it all!

You sound overly annoyed and it is quite unfair of you to be losing your shit at the person on the phone. You can legitimately complain but to be throwing your toys out of the pram is OTT.

Whatever you do, your baby must have their Guthrie test.

Oh thought he was four days, not four weeks. Hopefully he's had it.

I'm sure we all get why you're upset but don't cut your nose off to spite your face when your baby needs care and your scar needs checking.

I would be having words about the implied threat about raised suspicions though.

No, no communication is atrocious, I agree.

You can decline HV appointments if you don't need their help. Just tell them you're opting out as you are an experienced parent, are happy weighing your baby yourself etc, and you will contact them if you would like their support.

It's more likely families that ignore appointments, don't answer the door etc that are deemed as suspicious.

Midwives don't check C/S scars routinely after 28 days, their duty has ended. It would be GP, especially at 6 week check.

And I’d be putting that little threat into your complaint too.

Tell them that yes, you are withdrawing from the service as so far it has been appalling and done nothing but waste your money, cause stress to you while you are at your most vulnerable and fail to take care of your baby. So YES you are withdrawing as you have lost confidence completely, and the fact that they have responded not with apologies, concern for you and the baby’s welfare, the tests you have missed and the stress they’ve caused but with a THREAT makes it clear to you that they should not be allowed anywhere near your baby and that their service is seriously not fit for purpose. Ask to have the threat recorded and that your reply to that is that the only suspicion that has been raised here is that they are totally incompetent and you’d be well advised to make sure your baby isn’t assessed by them, but by your own GP.

Do you need to be officially discharged?
I only remember being seen once (at around 10 days) and then told to visit the baby clinic if I had any problems.
Has it changed?

Why are you still under them at 4 weeks?

At least she came.
midwives usually come 2/3 times. Have they done your baby’s heel prick test? They should have also weighed them on day 3/5 and 10!

That would have been them signing you over to the care of the HV. This poor service has meant she’s not even had that check before doing so.

Please make a complaint. With my second baby, I never got a midwife visit upon discharge or post birth, last time I saw her was at 36 weeks (also after a c section - luckily I'd had one before and had some idea what to expect!) and had to take my daughter to the hospital for the Guthrie test at 5 days as my midwife had dropped off the face of the planet.

And you can absolutely opt out of HV visits, I did with my second and will be with my third - they were a little bit snooty when I called but nothing major.

Similar happened to me when I had my daughter 4.5months ago. I kept calling the midwife service as no one came to do the heel prick test on my baby and I had been bleeding from my c-section scar and had been told that someone would come to see me…after three days of chasing someone finally came.
I out in a complaint back in June ….and I am still waiting for the “resolution” email from PALS as they keep extending the complaint response timescale due to the local midwife team not providing sufficient information for their review!
At this point I have just given up and just hope that I will never need the NHS in future. They are SHIT and I’m now looking into private medical insurance. The post partum care was shocking.

HV is not a statutory service you can decline their input and it won’t ’raise suspicions’ it’s opt out.

You also aren’t required to let the midwife in, especially as the HV is involved then you have every right to say you don’t need their service. It’s not compulsory.

I’d be making a formal complaint because I guess you will not be the other mother and baby going without care. It needs reported.

I would also be making a formal complaint. I understand they’re busy but you should have had more care than what you have had. I think I was seen day 3 and day 7 by a midwife and then asked to come into clinic to be signed off by them possibly when baby was 2 weeks old (which was handy as I had stitch material poking out from my c section cut). I think the next check was at 6 weeks by a doctor as PP has mentioned. Nonetheless I feel that you should not be the one chasing all this, it should be a matter of them being more on top of it. Your baby should have had their heel prick test by now as well as this is extremely important.
as far as I’m aware HV only make a big thing when it’s your firstborn so I wouldn’t expect them to be coming all the time-in my opinion the vast majority are extremely annoying and patronising. I had one reading flash cards to me, when I said it’s fine I can read them myself she insisted on reading them to me. My baby also had bad colic and as a first time mum I was clueless and he screamed the entire visit and she just sat there. I also feel they’re judgy af but maybe that’s just me! I get they’re doing their jobs but doesn’t stop them being annoying. Note I say not all of them, I’ve met a few good ones.
I hope you can start to put this behind you and start enjoying the birth of your new baby.

Yes of course you can discharge yourself and decline any further visits. At 28 days the midwife is obligated to pass your care over anyway.

Your OP is confusing, you start with the immediate PN period and then jump forwards by at least a couple of weeks and are now at 4 weeks. What has happened in that time?

You are annoyed, of course it is annoying to wait in but a midwife visit is never possible to schedule exactly. Maybe there was a huge emergency in the clinic she was running ( I once had a woman walk off the street and give birth on the floor, that messed my schedule up somewhat).

If you want minimal contact with the HV that’s also your prerogative. They can be useful if you have concerns. Most people cope fine without.

The people are most likely not the issue here it’s the system and the chronic underfunding and staffing.