Does anyone have a marriage where the mental loa is truly equally shared?

[Poiul]

Or is that disparity just the price you pay
for being a woman?

I’m engaged to a lovely, modern man. We definitely share 50% of chores. We have both done well academically and professionally. On paper I have probably surpassed him in fact. Df definitely respects me as an individual and would never expect me to be his “mummy” and iron his shirts. But I will as an expression of my appreciation for him if he is running behind.

I have just noticed that I am more thoughtful. I just think about things that would never enter his brain. And on a more strategic level. He isn’t on my level with thoughtfulness but he’s pretty good by most standards. But the standard is shit let’s be honest. He will buy presents for his nephews, organise meals out, plan holidays and run baths for me etc.

Im just worried that once kids enter the mix I’ll start resenting him for somewhat deferring to me. Albeit not intentionally.

Df’s brother just had a baby. As one of our gifts I crocheted a mini replica of their dog for the new baby. Everyone loved it. I know I enjoy these sort of things so perhaps I’m being harsh. I just would’ve liked something really thoughtful to come from Df - his ideas are all a bit generic.

Am I just overthinking this? I’m scared that I will resent Df. But obviously he’s a guy so many would accept that his brain is wired differently.

I can picture writing a note from the tooth fairy in a few years and being pissed off that I’m the one who thought of it/doing it.

Yes, but we don't have kids so I don't know if that makes a difference.

DH does bills, insurance, cars, pet stuff, orders wood for fires, knows which bin goes out when. I do meal planning, shopping lists, holidays, Christmas/birthdays.

At least you're being realistic about your future with him.
100% you will be writing letters from the tooth fairy and it won't even enter his head to do that.
Now multiply that by 100 other examples every week of every month of every year of your children's childhoods.....
But at least you know what's coming.
My DH was the same, but hilariously, I assumed he'd change once we had kids 😂

Everything shared in our house. I will help out bleeding brakes on Classic Cars, he will help me with a difficult task making jewellery. No children, we had that conversation before getting married and both agreed neither of us were interested in any way.

This. I do way more but it is because I can't stand stuff but being done ASAP. I leave all his family stuff, washing etc to him though so without kids it probably wouldn't be so noticeable

DP does the majority of the evening cooking but as her work isn't flexible and I work from home most of the time I'd say the majority of anything else falls on me.

I think growing up her family were quite frugal when it came to gift giving, whereas I'll try to be more generous. She does have better ideas than me though, some brains are just more creative.