After school routine 2 kids 2 parents

[lavendersred]

I finish work at 2pm and pick kids up. DH finishes WFH 4pm and wants to play when they get back. This is lovely.
DS9 hangry after school (wants a few snacks). Only wants the garden and someone with him or TV. Gaming a couple of days a week. Sports club twice a week.
DS8 wants to run around for a bit but needs solo play as well.
DH wants to play outside as he's been sat at a desk but then needs to rest so comes in to play something quiet with DS8. Tries to include DS9 who's not fussed but gets jealous.
I'm trying to not burn dinner.

YANBU We need to switch it up. Play with Dad after dinner? Or try and help DS9 be patient and amuse himself. DH sometimes says I'm setting 'my rules' when I discuss routine. I'm around more as he sometimes works after 4pm. He's here as well?
YABU Normal after school. Being a good, present Dad so I should leave them all to it and close the kitchen door.

Sounds like he’s doing a great job and needs to encourage older son to compromise.

at those ages they should be playing together together and shouldn’t NEEDS parental support. Can you see the garden from the kitchen? You can encourage older son with whatever hes doing.

He's doing an amazing job. Yes can see garden from the kitchen. Trying to teach compromise and patience.

My younger 2 are 5 and 7, I don’t do anything with them after school. We get in between 4-5 depending on clubs.
Thetly are currently on the trampoline in the garden, I can hear them but can’t see them.
They can choose what they want to do, TV, tablets, garden, toys I really don’t mind.
After dinner I read with them and do any homework they have, we watch Bluey together before bed as well.

Your sons are lucky to be able to have so much attention.
But... sounds like they've become a bit dependent on it!

I can’t work out where the problem is. Is it because DH and DS8 go inside and play together when DS9 still wants to be outside, also with DH?

I’m such a routines person but even I think micro managing the time after school, esp with child of that age, is taking it a bit too far.

Surely your DH just needs to make sure he’s treating them both fairly overall, rather than having an exact schedule?

And both boys sound old enough to amuse themselves for much of the time and compromise.

Alternatively would it not work for you and DH to swap some of the time? So that sometimes DH makes dinner and you have time with the kids?

so he plays with them both for a bit outside, then goes and plays with just one of them? give them allocated days if you need a set routine?

mon- garden then something with ds8, ds9 <activity from a list of acceptable solo things> or helps you with cooking
tue- garden then something with ds9, ds8 <activity from a list of acceptable solo things> or helps you with cooking
wed- garden then board game with both
thur- garden then something with ds8, ds9 <activity from a list of acceptable solo things> or helps you with cooking
fri - garden then something with ds9, ds8 <activity from a list of acceptable solo things> or helps you with cooking

I'd make the helping with the cooking one day each a standard thing, let them pick what you cook from an acceptable list and help prepare it.

They are lucky. He's trying to spend equal time with them.

Is it because DH and DS8 go inside and play together when DS9 still wants to be outside, also with DH?

Yes when they want to do something more low key or DH has had enough running around. DS9 wants all of us to be outside for longer. He was outside kicking a ball about in the pouring rain in the dark the other night. I wish I had his energy :0 If DH and DS8 start playing a board game that DS9 doesn't want to do, he starts disrupting. Am I expecting too much for him to find something for himself a while like DS8 does? I know this comes more easily to some kids than others. I ask him if he wants to help cook but it's hit and miss. He used to like drawing. He reads in bed at bedtime.

Alternatively would it not work for you and DH to swap some of the time? So that sometimes DH makes dinner and you have time with the kids?

Yes that's a good idea.

Kids old enough to entertain themselves, you and DH take it in turns to join in and have fun on set days.

Not a problem but I think I'm looking for ways to help DS9 choose things to do indoors for himself sometimes when it's awful weather. DS8 will potter and entertain himself if need be. DS9 gets bored quickly indoors. He's my outside boy with energy to burn :)

First world problems! (to coin a phrase). Seriously. Set up sounds great, nothing is ever perfect for everyone, at all times! Seems like a happy and loving home?

It is and I agree :0

Just realised I wrote this just before my period which is peak overthinking time for me 😂