To find all of this rather irritating

[SqueegieNC]

I was working from home yesterday. My wife was also working, at her own small business a short distance away.

She called me in the morning to talk about some IT equipment she wants to get for her business. She has decided that I am going to help her choose this equipment, so she wanted me to do some research during the day (i.e. during my working day) so that we could discuss it when she got home.

This sort of thing happens regularly. It might be some equipment she wants me to help her choose, it might be helping her write a letter, or talking about how she can find more customers. Always without the slightest awareness that I do not work for her business, and I have my own stuff to do.

Her business makes very little money. She enjoys being her own boss, but financially we would be better off if she was working maybe a quarter of the number of hours for someone else. There is also a lot of capital tied up in her business, which frankly could be put to better use.

I wouldn't begrudge her any of that, except for the fact that she feels entitled to make me work for her business whenever she feels like it, and except for the fact that she frequently complains about us not having enough money.

Apparently if I cared about "her" children then I would do something to increase my income. It's already significantly above average and I don't know how to increase it further, especially if I keep having to stop whatever I was doing to help her plough another few hundred into her loss-making business.

Anyway. Apologies for the long rant.

Am I unreasonable to find all of the above somewhat irritating?

Frank conversation time i think. Say what youve said here

You're not being unreasonable but have you told her any of this?

Her children?
Are they your stepchildren?

No, YANBU. If she wants your input during your business hours, you should be put on her payroll as a consultant for services provided. As you would be were you not married.

Time for a discussion.

Nope. When I'm not in trouble they're "our" children.

You need to be blunt.
Look M/s Squeegie we should both be working so I’ll discuss this with you after work. In the meantime please stop ringing me during work hours.

And what has she said when you bring this up to her?

YANBU but as you answer the phone in work hours and have done some work for her in the past, you've probably given her the impression that you have time on your hands at work- hence her perception that you could work harder and earn more. Put a stop to this now and explain that you are very busy during your working hours and will no longer be available unless there is a family emergency.

Listen David just tell Victoria that you are sick of her failing fashion business. Romeo and Cruz can get PT jobs and Harper can do some babysitting.

When she asks you to do research, does she do some herself? When she's tells you that you need to help her choose, your first response should be ' what options are you considering?'. It's her business, by all means ask your opinion on a, b or c ? But she shouldn't expect you to do all the heavy research.

She will say it's ok if you're busy, and leave it for a bit.

Whenever we talk about this, I get the distinct impression that she's displeased with me, although I'm not very good at reading non-verbal cues so I could be mistaken about that. Certainly she tells me I'm mistaken about that.

But either way, the interruptions always resume.

😂

She’s being unreasonable. First when she interrupts say ‘I am really busy now but can talk at 4pm’

or are you watching the cricket at the same time so she gets the impression you aren’t busy.

re her pet business, I mean she’s just spoilt. Help her work out how much she earns an hour. Really add it all up, then ask her why she values her time so little. See if she can join the dots herself.

I have friends with ‘their own businesses’ , yoga teachers, jewellery makers, artists etc etc and they’d be better off working in Tesco. Which is up to them, but they don’t whinge about being poor.

Who cares if she's displeased or not? You need to stand up for yourself here.

If she's asking for your approval on basic stuff like letter writing and choosing a computer it also sounds like she lacks skills or confidence. Both of these issues would also affect her chances of success and you could try (gently) to raise this with her.

How odd!

I’ve heard a lot about those ‘hobby’ businesses. Like yeah it’s nice to be your own boss but how’s that going to pay bills.
You need to tell her to stop interrupting your day and really tell her it’s high time she starts spending her time earning properly next time she moans about your finances

She's out of order calling you about non-urgent things while you're working. I'd let her calls go to voicemail. If she huffs, just ignore her.

Why are you playing the child role here? " she makes me" and "I'm in trouble"

You're an adult. Learn to use your words, or at least one word, No.

If you are worried about the capital tied up in her business, then it seems reasonable that she should consult with you about new equipment purchases and how to get best value. You can't have it both ways.

Please do not underestimate the importance of her business to her. Life is about more than money - there is job satisfaction to consider.

When she makes these requests you have two choices: feel resentful and let it fester; or say you are are a bit busy just now and happy to talk about it when you get home, Better to communicate than vegetate.

Yes life is about more than money but if she's using all the family finances for her business then she shouldn't have the right to complain to her DH that they don't have enough money. Surely you can see that?

You could tell her that your boss is going to start charging external clients for your consultancy and ask her if you should give her the invoice when she gets home.

Tell her you can’t do it while working as your busy, and you’ll happily help her in the evening or give her work a second pair of eyes

My husband is a bit like this. I work from home a lot and my job is very flexible, but I make about 6x what he does…anyway somehow I also have to write all his invoices and make contact with customers from time to time and check out this and that thing online. Again he works for himself and enjoys being his own boss but it is annoying. I often ‘forget’ to do the things he requests and then do them at a point where he can take on the load of some other thing. ‘Sure I’ll
write that invoice while you unload the dishwasher’ etc etc. I have also made it clear I can’t prioritise tasks for his work over my own actual job that pays the majority of our bills and expenses.