INLAWS

[coffeejar]

MIL & Step FIL are so blindsided by my BIL its unreal.

My BIL is well known for taking drugs and alcohol since his school days. My husband and i first noticed his addiction at the age of 13. We voiced our concerns to MIL who promopty shut us down saying "leave him alone, he is just happy". Over the years BIL ( now aged 32) still taking drugs and has become depressed to the point he says he wants to kill himself ( current count is 18 times) BIL has been assessed my medical professionals but he refuses advice and medication. MIL & Step FIL usually react to his episode's by buying him something he has hinted he wants ( new xbox, phone, trainers, designer clothes, money) his recent "episode" step FIL brought him a car & insured it for him. That was the breaking point for my husband and I. Giving an depressed person who takes drugs and alcohol is like giving someone a loaded gun, we worry for the accident that will happen and the consequence's. MIL & FIL said that "we were being stupid and to mind our own business".

My husband ( 53) has never been given anything from his parents ever and was thrown out of the family home aged 19, once MIL & Step FIL house became repossessed due to step FIL debts. MIL, Step FIL & BIL were housed by the council but didn't include my then future husband ( then 19) in there plans.

MIL & Step FIL are bloody horrid to my husband, only phoning him to ask him to fix something in there council flat, fix Step FIL car or to inform him of his brothers latest troubles.

I am totally sick of my husbands family, the only time they call is when they want something from us. We now vet the phone calls from them and ignore them completely.

Oh as i type this, BIL was pictured out on a night out sniffing drugs, i wonder what present the Inlaws will buy him now?

aibu?

Why not go NC? Leave the in laws to the golden child.

Are those ages correct? If your BIL is 32 an your husband is 53, that's 21 years difference. Your BIL didn't exist when your husband was 19 and the family house was reposessed.

I'm 100% with you on everything here except for one thing - the counting how many times your BIL has been suicidal, that's not on. Yes he may well not be remotely serious and just threatening it for his own gain (appalling) or he might not!

I've been genuinely suicidal many times in my difficult past and no, I didn't go declaring it to everyone for attention. However, when I have reached out to someone close, it was because I was frightened and didn't know what to do. I was crying out for help because if I'm being brutally honest, I was terrified that it would go wrong and I'd end up brain damaged.

Real, genuine depression is an evil thing that messes with your ability to use logic. This narrow minded narrative that some people seem to have decided, that "if you're genuinely suicidal, you just do it, you don't tell people about it..." is NONSENSE. Utterly untrue. Feeling like your only option is to go through with it, is a truly, truly terrifyingly dark place and the thought of suicide by any method is fucking scary. It's not pain free! It’s excruciatingly painful, unlike anything your body has ever experienced in its lifetime; And like I said above, if it goes wrong (which tragically, many do) that’s, in the worst case scenario, a lifetime of being spoon-fed in a care home and/or being fully paralysed) so of course you reach out to someone close in a last ditch effort to find an alternative to pressing that 'big red button'.

Like I said, I agree with you on everything else and your in laws sound frankly, deluded. But IF your BIL is genuinely depressed and suicidal then either support him or don't. 'Counting' his pleas for help is pretty warped.

(NB: Not suicidal anymore, don't worry!)

My husband mother remarried and had BIL when she was late forties.

I feel for genuine people who have depression but BIL refuses help time and time again. The suicide attempts are for attention and off the cuff remarks such as "I best kill myself then" , "if I was dead would you care" - he will turn his phone off and go out partying with well known drug addicts, worrying our family. When you confront him about it, he will laugh in our faces.