… to ask for your help?

[FootballGrump]

Mumsnet, I have a situation here.
DS is 6 years old (Year 2) and all the boys in his class are mad about football… except him! He really does not like football.
His best friend left the school over summer and they have mixed them up so none of his other friends from before are in the class.
Now he feels lonely. He tries to join in with football but tells me he is bad at it and doesn’t enjoy it at all. He also told me that the other boys are starting to make fun of him, don’t want to pick him for their teams and that one old friend called him a “loser” today. He also says of another popular boy that he sometimes “lets” him play with them as if it’s some kind of gift from the gods.
Isn’t that kind of vicious for children so young? I thought those things would come later and that by then DS would have a couple of friends to weather it out.
Is it normal for all the boys to be so football mad?
What can I do to help my son? Any advice welcome!

Talk to his teacher.
Does he do any activities outside of school eg cubs?

Is he friends with any of the girls?

He does two after school clubs, one of them football. That’s the one where he got called a “loser” today by one of his old classmates,
On weekends he does tennis, climbing, cycling and other activities. So he does like to get outdoors and play with other children. But he is shy, seems unusually self aware for a child his age, and has already started to read quite a lot and get into science so I suspect he is not the kind of boy who will very naturally take to group sport.

I have tried to organise playdates with girls and it goes ok but there is no real spark. In this school boys and girls seem to play quite separately and form very distinct friendship groups.

DS used to make friends more easily when younger, we used to live in a neighbourhood where the same children played at the park together every day. He always played with all the children but seemed to naturally befriend boys more easily. Now feels like it is getting harder and harder as time goes by.

Is the obsession with football normal? Or is it just our school? Anyone else out there with a sensitive boy struggling to make friends?

My son definitely had more friends that were girls at that age, he just didn't care about sports at all. It's hard when they change the classes and can take time for them to make new friends. I'd definitely speak to the teacher and see if they can help him find a buddy

Football obsession in boys that age is totally normal but there’s usually be a group not into it. He’s unlucky if everyone else is footy mad.

Football being the 'in' club is really common. My ds (now 14) was really similar but luckily found himself in a primary where a reasonable range of break time activities were encouraged, so he got away with it... Not so lucky at secondary so far. Though the football lads don't much like my ds the feeling is mutual and it doesn't seem to get him down... I think he might have to wait until 6th form or beyond to get a 'crowd'.
Sucks doesn't it, that one activity should dominate so strongly because it takes an unusual kid to go against the grain.
Worth chatting with the school though as they might be able to encourage more variety if they supply different kit to use (my ds's school provided scooters and loose parts for den building and all sorts)

Thank you for the comments, suggestions, commiseration…
DS is not afraid to say he doesn’t like footy but seems to suffer from the lack of kindred spirits. I’m a bit worried he won’t make friends in school and will have to play with the neighbours until things change.
I’m a bit surprised the school doesn’t do more to encourage other activities during break time. I feel they ought to ensure everyone has a chance.
I think this situation just brings out the ultra protective mother in me and that urge to fix it for him.
I was thinking maybe if I organise lots of playdates at home (vs the park where they can play football) I might increase the chance he connects with someone over a different type of game.
anyone tried that?

Dd says that in all the boys in her class do nothing but play football. And they have been doing this since about age 6 or 7.

Your ds sounds a lot like my dd. She also reads a lot, loves science and she is also strangely very self conscious. I don't know if that is normal at their age but it does worry me with dd. I Don't have ant other advice beyond what has been said already but I hope your ds will find his tribe soon

OP, why is he doing football as an after school activity if he really doesn't like it? Is there some other club he can join, where he might make friends with more like minded kids?

We will probably stop it this term. I suppose we wanted to encourage him to get outdoors with his classmates and Football is the only sport club the school offers.

He does do a coding club which is more up his alley, I’ll try to see if any of his classmates enjoy that. I think my son is among the “nerdier” if that word is still used nowadays.

I think that's a good idea OP, as your DS isn't going to meet 'his people', if he's not mixing in the right circles, is he? I would encourage him in activities he enjoys, both at home and away from home, so if there are classes for things he enjoys at weekends or after school, encourage him to do them so that he's meeting people who enjoy the same things he does.

Thanks Madness, seems obvious now but I needed a little step back to think about this one.
Clearly we should help our son meet children he gets along with. So we need to try some new things since the old are no longer working

In my experience the intense obsession with football, where seemingly every boy in class adores it, is temporary – happened in both my kids' classes, around year 1 and 2. Lasted a bit and some boys kept up with it and others lost interest.

Op out of my 8 ds's 1 didn't do football.. He did ballet at primary but.. he had way more friends of both sexes his entire school life! If he wants to fit in with football let him try goalkeeping... Easy for you to help practice at home.

My DS sounds exactly like yours OP. He really struggled at that age. He was generally fairly popular but wasn’t into sports based games. As others have suggested I spoke to his form teacher and she was fantastic. His best friends have always been girls - pretty much still are. He’s now 17 and has found his creative niche and has more friends than the rest of us put together, but he was a bit old beyond his years at 6/7 and also had to learn to join in with activities which he didn’t think he would enjoy - that helped along with his teacher doing a ‘who wants to play with X today’ before break…seeing a show of willing hands made him more confident.
He’ll get there but it’s hard to see when they’re so little isn’t it.

@Didimum good to hear this! I really hope this will happen in DS school too!
@Stormyweatheroutthere &@Holidayhappiness I’m glad your boys turned out ok and managed to build good social lives for themselves. DS really likes being around people and playing with other children so I’m going to stay hopeful he’ll find a way too!

My DS was a bit like that. He liked a kick around in the playground but nothing more. His school friends were all football mad which put him on the outside of the group. For his first couple of years he joined the school football club just to fit in, then during lockdown he found his own mind and suddenly announced he didn't want to go back to it.
He's now at secondary and football is just a distant memory. He's doing just fine and finding more people with similar interests.