Anyone else got self absorbed parents who don’t give a shit about their adult children?

[salary]

Not me actually, but DH. His parents are so self absorbed!! Never ask about us. When we do see them they talk constantly about themselves, their extensive holidays and their fucking avios points. We ask lots about their lives. They ask us nothing. It’s so dull. Anyone else?

My parents are not like that one bit. I can think of some well known people who may be like that, but that is pure speculation.

My parents aren't interested in my life at all as an adult. To be fair, they don't bore on about their own - but they certainly aren't interested in me.

We mostly make neutral conversation.

Yes. Same DH parent.

I don't think he could tell you what year the children are in. Definitely nothing personal about their likes or hobbies. Just no interest at all.

Kind of yes. My solution has been to only talk about the grandchildren. It’s worked very well.

This is my DM. She only talks about my life to tell me what I'm doing wrong and how I'm stupid and she wouldn't have done XYZ etc etc. Beyond that, I can't get a word in edgeways anyway.

Yep DH parents, seem to have little to no interest in him or us as a family. They barely know how old the children are and are always way more interest in talking about their own hobbies then asking how DH and the kids are doing when we do see them. Which isn't very often thank goodness.

Yup. DM wasn't interested in me when I was a child and isn't interested in me (or my kids) now I'm an adult. But it's mutual.

Yes, mine are like this, as are most if my other relatives in the boomer generation.

So frustrating. All DH dad talks about is his fucking avios points and upgrading to business class. On and on and on.

I am a child of "the boomer generation" and I can tell you that I am totally interested in my adult children's lives. I talk to them regularly and love listening to them tell me what's going on. I also feel exactly the same about my DIL and grandchildren.

Oh and his 54 year old daughter is on the fucking breadline!!

Yes mine are like this too. We seem them infrequently and hear nothing in between. I'm sick of initiating and hosting so we're down to birthdays Mother's day etc where they want a lot of fuss made of them. They like to see me on my birthday and the dc birthdays but make no effort and often forget to bring me a card. I don't understand them tbh. I guess they are just very self-centered.

Yep both sides 😩 my mil would probably have been great but she remarried and he doesn’t really want kids in the house unless they are his own children’s of course and she just goes along with it! My own mother is too busy with yoga and bridge and lunching to bother with us 😂

Yes my mother. It’s a exhausting. Pretty sure she doesn’t even know what role I am workinf in atm but I need to listen to every detail of her job and that Susan (co-worker I never met) has covid again etc

My MIL was also more interested in talking about her neighbours granddaughter than asking about her own grandchildren. I just don’t get it

My DH's parents are like this but I think it's probably a consequence of my DH spending the last 20 years answering any questions about his life with a monosyllabic answer.

Yip same with my OHs parents. Barely interested in their own grandkids down the road - see them birthday/Christmas - but drone on about more distant relatives, mad shit they've read online and holidays too. They talk at us, but not to us.

I'm glad they aren't bothered about us if I am being honest and OH feels the same.

I really find it hard to relate to a lot of older relatives because of their views being quite narrow and with us being quite progressively minded, but I do manage to have a good relationship with my parents despite this.

They probably don’t realise they do it. I think a lot of parents see their adult kids doing OK and think it’s job done.

Is it possible the parents think the same about you too OP? Do you ask them about themselves or do you just talk about you and your kids?
Why not take an interest in what they are telling you?

Why don't you tell him that he's coming across a bit too obsessed. It's a weird thing to talk about really.

Is she just filling the silence as you never talk about your job?
Maybe she is talking about Susan as it’s important to her - have you asked her?

Yes, if my Mum remembers to ask me how I am, she'll talk over me about herself before I can finish my answer, so I always just say 'fine thanks' now and save my breath. I can't pay her a compliment or admire anything in her house as she assumes I want it for myself (even though I've never asked her for anything)?! She's very defensive about everything and looks down on other people a lot. It took me a good few years after leaving home to realise it's not a healthy or 'normal' way to be.

My mum doesn't even know what I do as a job. She didn't speak to me through my entire pregnancy and only rang when the baby was 4 months old.
My DH mum is similar. There's some txt exchange occasionally however she's just not really that interested.

I thought for sure you would be my SIL until I read it's your husband's parents. Same for me too and it's actually a relief to not be alone! Their self-obsession and smugness has driven away their five children, their own brothers and even their parents - but of course they can't see that they are the common denominator. It's always the other person at fault as far as they're concerned.

Fortunately their behaviour means that even my very patient husband wants no more to do with his parents, so I can happily go almost zero contact without feeling any guilt, because it was his decision, not mine. Otherwise I'd have done it years ago.

They're going to be very, very lonely before too long.

DM couldn't pick me out of a line-up