6 year old rages

[Tetheralmostgone]

Hey all.
I desperately need advice about my 6 year old son. Most days, at some point or another, after being asked to stop doing something he shouldn't, he will go into a violent, increasingly destructive mode. He will attack me, causing bruises and pain. Lately the rages are.in cold blood so to speak, he will just continue to hit me over and over again, calmly doing so, trying to cause as much pain as possible. None of my words, calm or pleading get through. I have cried a few times from the stress, pain and sheer hopelessness, whilst hes done this, and he still continues. I've tried calm, tried showing a little anger in my voice when trying to stop him, nothing works. He is a strong boy and is already able to hurt me, his dad, during these episodes. I've never smacked him, and can only try and defend and safeguard him from hurting himself whilst trying to hurt me. We've always only shown him love, spoiled him, as you do. I am crying myself to sleep each night, waking with fear and feeling sick at what the day will bring. My partner is also suffering, as he will also try and hurt her if I'm not in between. Sometimes causing an asthmatic attack. She is considering giving up her parental rights and subsequently leave us. I'm concentrating, trying to, on my lad and am desperate for this to end. I feel like my confidence has gone, and am becoming a nervous wreck. In school he's a model pupil. So the behaviour at home is a mystery to us. He doesn't listen to me at all, and shows no respect or fear of repercussions if I try and get him to stop doing something he shouldn't. Is it supposed to be this way? Many times I have thought that maybe I should have given him a little smack on bum, back when he started behaving this badly. But the law says I can't. Discipline via a little smack is out of the question now, as I think he would just see it as a challenge and fight harder. No amount of quiet chatting gets through to him, after these events occur. I'm desperate, as I don't know how much more I can take. If my partner does do what she says she will do, what then? Please, can anyone help?

Have you sought help from medical professionals? Social services? This doesn't sound normal and sounds like you need some help!

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Hitting never works, and this level of violence is outside the normal range. You need professional help to find out what's going on.

Sorry you are experiencing this. We have had some similar challenges with our DD, a few years older than yours now. Does he ever seem to feel sorry afterwards (whether or not he actually apologises) or feel any shame about his behaviour? Or does he deny the behaviour?

DD sometimes doesn't seem to know what she's doing, other times it can feel deliberate, but we have worked out that these episodes are happening largely when her nervous system/fight flight response has been triggered. It might be a build up of things over the course of the day, with me telling her no to something she wants or asking her to stop doing something being the straw that breaks the camels back. It might seem like it comes out of nowhere or that it's a massively disproportionate response to a small trigger, but usually there is a lot more to it that we have to unlock afterwards when things are calm.

We think DD is demand avoidant and this is what can cause her nervous system response to be set off. Perhaps read up about it (pathological demand avoidance) or try reading Ross Greene the explosive child book (he also has a website with really useful stuff) to see if you can start to unpick what may be going on. Lives in the balance is I think the name of his website.

Good luck - they say all behaviour is communication, I hope you can figure things out x

Hey, and thankyou all, for your messages. We are now getting the ball rolling with trying to fathom it out.
Thanks again.