To ask why men only seem to stop bothering me when I mention having a boyfriend or get other men involved?

[OneSharpNavyShaker]

I’ve noticed that when I deal with unwanted attention or advances from some men, they tend to often only back off if I mention having a boyfriend or get another guy involved. It makes me wonder why my own boundaries and words aren’t enough. Has anyone else experienced this? Is it just a societal thing, or am I overthinking it?

You're not overthinking it.

Men see women as property. If they're not some other man's property, they're prey.

Those men only ’respect’ other men’s ’property’.

Nope, happens all the time. They only back off if they think you are “owned” by another man.

Have you only just noticed this? It's because women are perceived as objects owned and defined by men. It's kinda what the patriarchy is all about.

Because what a woman says she wants doesn't matter. However if it might upset another man they need to pay attention.

Not all men are like this but enough are that it makes me sick.

I've always thought it's because if you're single but just rejecting them because you aren't interested, they think you might be interested if they try harder. You are available for wooing so let the wooing commence.

Rom coms have a lot to answer for where a man tries relentlessly to win a woman over with increasingly grand gestures until he finally sweeps her off her feet at the end.

Whereas if you are married they know it doesn't matter how hard they try because you aren't available so they give up.

I think to jump straight to property is reductist and ignore a lot of issues in society where men are socialised to chase and women are socialised to make him work for it. Treat em mean keep em keen etc. teaches women they should say no a few times to make sure he really wants her by seeing if he persists and teaches men that no doesn't really mean no, it means try harder.

I have found that as I have gotten older this issue has gone away because after a while both men and women grow up and realise the charade is silly and has no place in real life. In my 20s this happened to me a lot, I would say no and the wooing would commence. On my 30s I say no and men say ok and move on because we're all more mature.

Obviously there's assholes at every age but it definitely seems to be a youthful problem.