What can your six year old do?

[Catsarebabes]

I'm trying to gage what is normal for a six year old to be able to do themselves.

DS was six in July and is currently in Year 2 at school.

He can't wipe his own bum. He won't poo at school so that me or DH can help him wipe at home.

We do still have to remind him to go to the toilet (for wees and poos). Normally we noticing him running around in a circle and we say, 'do you need the toilet?'. He'll nod and then we'll tell him to go.

But he has been using the toilet for years.

He can get himself dressed but is very slow and easily distracted so needs lots of reminding. He struggles with his shoes and can't do buttons or zips.

He doesn't get his school stuff ready. He'd forget things. If I don't carry his bag for example, he'll forget to bring it. Same for coat, PE kit, books, etc.

He doesn't do anything around the house (I see posters mentioning this as things their six year olds do). He doesn't make his bed and can't tidy up by himself, put his washing away, etc.

He can just about make a sandwich but his spreading abilities are very poor!

What was your six year old able to do at this age?

I think the bum wiping seems a bit late maybe? Dd did it from when she started using the loo. My Dd is 6 and can do all of the above easily…but, our problem is she doesn’t want to! So not much tidying up etc, although we keep encouraging it often, def doesn’t do chores although I do ask for help with things. Gets herself dressed and food etc, haven’t started on her laces yet though

DS who is 4, almost 5, dresses himself including buttons and buckles (though prefers not to). He can brush his own teeth well, goes to the toilet unprompted, wipes himself well, likes to get his own breakfast. But he’s very confident, independant, and resilient - if he can’t do something he wants to do he tries again and again until he gets it right and that translates into everything from personal care to academics to sports. I think his resilience is because we let him try everything he wants to and treat mistakes non-judgementally. So maybe a bit of independance might help?

To those people saying their small children brush their teeth - as I said on the other thread - this really isn’t recommended. Even if your kids seem to be doing a good job, small children are not good at cleaning their teeth properly so it is advised that you continue to clean your child’s teeth until around age 8. They can have a go and maybe do half but twice a day you should be taking over and holding the brush and getting stuck in. I say this as someone who used to work in the dentistry industry.

Thanks again, all.

DS does have autism and is an only so it's hard for me to see what is or isn't normal for that age.

My DC could both wipe adequately by 6. They could both cope with buttons and zips but would have trouble tying shoe laces if I had bought them shoes with laces.

One of them didn't do chores, found tidying and keeping things organized very difficult, would forget things, had terrible handwriting, missing letters and words in their writing, didn't read on their own until they were nearly 7. They were diagnozed as autistic and dyspraxic at the age of 16. They have executive processing disorder so find it difficult to break chores down into an order of steps that you then progress through to clean a room, make a bed etc. They can write a presentation worthy of a professional conference but can't read a map.

Their development was very disjointed and 'stepped'. They didn't talk until I was ready to phone the doctor for help, then they started talking in complete sentences. They didn't read on their own until I thought they would never read, then suddenly started reading on their own for three or four hours a day. They got below average in maths and suddenly started getting all A's.

Does any of that sound familiar?

Seems fine to roughly the same as my 6 year old.

I am not surprised to hear he is on the spectrum.

I wish my DC had got their diagnosis earlier as we would have understood so much more and been able to support them better. Have you tried breaking things like cleaning his room into a task list he can work through? My DC just couldn't see their dirty room and work out what they needed to do to get it to a clean room. They still have issues with housekeeping to be honest but as a student it's not so noticeable compared to the rest of them.

My 5 year old doesn't poo at school either. He can wipe his bum but often will need reminding to flush the toilet.
He can dress himself but it takes him a while of left to his own devices. He can fasten buttons, zips and put on shoes although he sometimes will pester for us to do it saying he can't so we need to be firm as he can do it fine.
He could have a go at making a sandwich but I'm not sure spreading would be amazing.
He can get himself cereal but often spills it or the milk.
He can make himself a hot chocolate in microwave but again, messy.
He can use a hoover and knows how to mop but wouldn't always ring water out properly so floor would be pretty wet.
Can feed the animals.
Can wipe the bathroom round quickly.
Loves to dust.
Will tidy up lovely after himself (if made to, never of his own accord.
I don't think I've ever asked him to put his washing away. Would need to show him otherwise I think he would just chuck it all in.
I think that's it.

That would explain proprioceptive and interoceptive difficulties. Do you have an OT you are working? They can recommend things to improve fine motor skills and support toileting urge difficulties. Might be worth asking for a referral form your GP.

DS gets dental appointments every 6 months. The dentist says he brushes very well and his teeth are excellent. She gives lessons to children age 3-5 whose parents have movement issues (like I do). She actually told me that the original guidance was parents supervise but many weren’t and so then it was changed to them doing it, but children who are encouraged and learn to brush well independantly end up having healthy teeth the longest.

Admittedly some of it might be genetic. I have perfect teeth and only brush once a day.

Okay, well in the two dentist surgeries I worked at we saw kids who weren’t very good at brushing so the guidance is, and remains, that parents brush after their kids have had a go until their around 8. Maybe your child is different, but as blanket advice it’s safer for parents to support as long as they can to prevent dental issues. You can support your child with brushing as well as helping out. I have not heard of the correlation between kids who brush on their own from a young age end up having better teeth, quite the opposite.

Edited stop add that children’s diets are quite different these days too, they’re typically worse than many adults were as a child due to the increase of certain foods. These foods are damaging for the teeth and therefore brushing is vital.

Also, brushing your teeth isn’t just about making sure you don’t get cavities. There are strong links between heart health and healthy mouths. Brushing twice a day is recommended not just to keep your teeth nice but to aid your overall health.

My 6yo is almost exactly the same age as yours.

They toilet completely independently for the most part. The only exceptions are I always ask them to go before we go out anywhere or if we are out somewhere and I know there won't be another opportunity for the toilet for a long time after, I prompt them as well. On the very rare occasion they have diarrhoea they sometimes ask for assistance with wiping, but even then I encourage them to have a go first unless they're visibly very ill and/or upset.

Dresses completely independently for the most part. I can only think of a few dresses with zips at the back that they need help with, everything else they sort themselves. They usually wear adjustable waist bottoms for schools so now and then they need me to adjust them when they've grown but that's it. They sometimes need guidance/prompting on what is an appropriate outfit for the event/weather conditions, that occasionally causes some conflict but is rare.

I consider it my responsibility to remember their stuff for school still, and they do rely on me to do that as a general rule. That being said, occasionally ive almost forgot something, or they couldn't see I have something, and they remembered and asked me. So they clearly are paying attention to this generally anyway even if I don't realise.

Helping out at home - it's a bit hit and mess as I do encourage this but it depends on circumstances. If I know they're very tired and it's getting late and they've been super playing nicely with their younger sibling etc I'm not about to ask them to tidy everything up whilst the little one is put to bed, for example! But in other circumstances I encourage the following household jobs (with support where needed): tidying up theirs and younger siblings toys downstairs; helping set the table; taking their own used plate/cup/cutlery etc into the kitchen after being finished with a meal; own wrappers etc in the bin after a snack; putting own clean clothes away in bedroom; putting own dirty clothes into laundry bag in bedroom; tidying up own bedroom. They also have an interest in helping me cook, helping to unload the dishwasher, and dusting - I never ask them to do any of these things, but sometimes they ask to do so.

I'm actually thinking about things that are hard when it comes to dressing, tights are a tricky thing for my 6 year old, socks and shoe laces.
He can do buttons okay, but occasionally miss aligns them.

My very nearly 6 year old is exactly the same. He can do his own shoes (eventually) and zip up his coat but he struggles with buttons. Can’t wipe his own bum, but that’s more a medical issue here as he’s on movicol which can make the poo very messy and sticky so it’s honestly easier if we do it for him. I’m not imagining we will still be wiping his bum at 16 😬
Wouldn’t remember his own head if it wasn’t attached, definitely wouldn’t remember book bag, lunch box etc unless I physically hand them to him
The only chores he does is put his clothes in the washing basket when he puts his pjs on and puts his cars away before school or bed.

I currently don't have a 6yo but have 4 kids older than that and 1 younger. My 4yo can wipe and doesn't need prompting to go to the toilet. She can get herself fully dressed and does her own coat and shoes including zipping up her coat but hasn't learnt shoelaces yet (can do velcro fine)
She can't yet make a sandwich but she can do things like open crisps, get herself a drink of water etc. She wouldn't remember her bag or anything if I didn't bring it.

I do think he's maybe on the later end for a lot of those things, it could be that he's a late bloomer but it could be something more.

I find that girls are often better at this. I have a 6 year old girl and also have 3 older daughters and all of them have been able to wipe their own bum and are definitely able to go to the toilet without prom. I think that's the only thing here that I think isn't too normal because I do also have a son and he was able to do that at that age. But other posters have said their child couldn't do it till later so I wouldn't worry.

Regarding the other things, my 6 year old is able to get herself dressed quite quickly but definitely cannot do buttons or zips. None of my children have been able to do those until much later and honestly I sometimes struggle with that myself!!

Kids do tend to forget things easily and this has varied for me with all my children so wouldn't worry there either. My 6 year old is actually really good at remembering things but I have distinct memories of son forgetting his bag everyday 😁

I don't know many 6 year olds who can spread very well. Him making a sandwich is good enough really! Regarding helping around the house, it's a good skill to have to maybe start a little. Only tidying up after himself is really needed though. All my kids have always loved doing little household chores but it isn't essential.

Can’t or won’t ?

If you don’t expect him to do things like chores then he will obviously be unable to do them. In my house my kids did stuff like put their dirty washing in the wash basket or plates in the dishwasher after a meal since about age 2 so could do some chores by age 6.

They were rubbish at tidying alone and my boys didn’t like wiping their bum just in case they accidentally touched their poo. They went to school with their book bag and water bottle because I put them in their hands.

That's very relevant and should have been in your op

Sounds just like my 6 year old other than they can wipe their bum!

My 6 year old is pretty much the same, apart from wiping her own bum and tidying up after herself (well she CAN tidy up, but generally has to be asked).

DD1 is 5.5. Of your list:

She can wipe fine after a poo and doesn't need to be reminded to use the toilets.

She can dress herself but does get distracted sometimes in mornings and have to be reminded. She needs help if something is inside out and tangled but otherwise can dress herself fine and generally manages zips etc fine.

She likes to make her own snack sometimes for school, so she will cut some fruit (blunt knife!), and put things in a Tupperware and in her bag. I make sure she has her bag before we leave house though.

She can make her own bed (not perfect but gives it a go) and can tidy her room (sometimes grudgingly) and play room. She puts dirty clothes in clothes basket and helps me sort clean clothes into piles belonging to each family member.

But 'normal' is such a huge range, at this age particularly.

He doesn't get his school stuff ready. He'd forget things. If I don't carry his bag for example, he'll forget to bring it. Same for coat, PE kit, books, etc.

DH is 40 and can't do all of these things.

Mine can wipe his bum but doesn’t want to! He won’t poo at school either!! He worries he will make a mess!!
He can dress himself, do zips and buttons, not laces, will brush his own teeth. He needs telling to bring his bag and drink (not sure that’s abnormal as he’s only 6!)
I make his breakfast for him mainly as wicket and tidier but at weekends he can do this.. pour milk on weetabix.
Can tidy up if I tell him to but obviously would rather I did

Alot of if it laziness as they rely on us!

My very capable 6 year old would rather I wipe their bum too! But also very lazy and used to me picking up after them and younger sibling. Actually thinking about it, they are expected to do very little. And as a SAHM as I have the time I’ve got into a bad habit of just doing it all. This is a reminder to me to adjust expectations as I’m basically their housekeeper and run round after them clearing up

6yr old DD (Yr 1) can do shoelaces, tie her school tie, get herself up and make her own cereal, put her plate in the sink etc etc. It's basically like having another adult in the house.

However 8yr old DS can't do his top shirt button yet, wears an elastic tie and Velcro shoes because he can't master them, is scatty and disorganised, and needs a much higher level of help with basically everything. So it's little to do with my parenting and more to do with their personalities! DS still seems within the realm of normal for his friends and I'm not overly worried!