AIBU to worry about toddler's development?

[teddybeartown]

Toddler is almost 2 1/2 years old (29 months old) and I know every child develops differently, but I'm starting to really worry about him.

He can't speak, only babbles mamamama (doesn't know what mama means), can't point, can't jump, doesn't do pretend play, doesn't always answer to his name (especially when he is playing/watching TV), spins a lot, shakes his head and arms a lot, can't follow any verbal instructions besides show me your ears, nose and head (won't bring his toys unless you point to them, reach out with your arm, doesn't recognise any animals, has a very short attention span playing with others but can spend hours playing by himself with his toys, doesn't sit still, puts everything in his mouth still, doesn't seem to understand most of what is said to him, throws tantrums when getting dressed. He doesn't know how to use a spoon or fork, he doesn't like being spoonfed either so he just eats with his fingers. He knows a couple of signs (more, thank you, food) but gets them mixed up. He is nowhere near ready to be potty trained, he will take off his nappy any occasion he gets, same with socks and shoes, he has meltdowns constantly throughout the day.
He had an assessment by a health visitor with the ages and stages questionnaire and he fell behind (black area) in virtually every single category.

at this point yes I would be concerned. It does sound you need to get him on a pathway to a bit more support, does he go to nursery? What did the health visitor suggest?

Firstly hugs for you, it's hard, worrying, and it does sound like there's some developmental delay. Has he had a hearing test?

Yes I would be concerned and asking the hv for guidance of where you can access support. If he isn't in nursery then perhaps investigate good SEN provision as it sounds like he will need it. Access SEN parent support groups- they will be able to offer practical support and advice. Xxx

Have you had him referred for speech and language? Mine is the same age and we are in the process of getting help for it. Has his hearing been tested? There are some bits of your description I would be worried about. I would be really pushing for some help. Some of it could be autism in a similar way I am wondering about my son.

I recommend "Yakka Dee" on cbeebies if you are in the UK for his speech.

Yes I would be concerned, has the health visitor, made referral ,s to speech and language ,portage, community paediatrician etc?

My DC is a bit younger than yours but sounds very similar. They were in the black for every category of the ASQ at 12 months, we went to the GP who referred to Paediatrics. From there they've had general bloods, genetic testing and an MRI. All normal. I'm just waiting for the paed follow up but I'm expecting DC will get referred to the neurodiversity service when they turn 2. We're on the waiting list for Speech and Language. HV is coming back just after they're 2nd birthday to do the next ASQ, not sure if there's any point when we know how behind they are 🫤

This past year has been so, so hard. Just the realisation that DC isn't like their peers and may not ever catch up. All the anxiety about what is going to happen.

Anyway I would get to the GP and ask to be referred to Paeds x

I understand your concerns OP, but what you are describing doesn’t sound totally abnormal for a 2.5 year old.

I have 2.7 year old and he only started saying words a few months ago and then it was very sudden and just picked up. My husband’s brother didn’t start talking until he was 3 years old.

Feeding wise they can be resistant, I find it’s usually around this age that they become very defiance and assert their independence, especially with wanting to feed themselves etc.

Toliet training wise my eldest didn’t start until he was 3 and with my 2.7 year old I don’t think I’ll even bother until he is a similar age.

Does he watch much tv? Because I have been told that can delay speech, it’s obviously not two way and they need that to be able to practice talking etc.

I’m not saying that there isn’t anything to be concerned about, it sounds like it’s wise to see someone, but what I am saying it what you describe isn’t completely abnormal (even in terms of short attention span etc), especially for boys who can be a bit delayed anyway. Was he premature?

Thank you for all for your answers.

I have a community nursery nurse coming next week for a home visit for support with language and potentially filling a nursery form for him.

He is with me at home at the moment, and I have a younger baby too so I don't know what would be better for him, send him to nursery or keep him at home? He goes to toddler groups 2/3 times a week for interaction but I don't know if nursery would be even more beneficial or not for him in that capacity.

My health visitor told me the waiting time for an autism assessment is minimum 3 years where I am. I can't afford to go private so I don't know what to do besides the speech therapy to help him in the meantime.

YANBU to be concerned.

Get his hearing tested. Chase the HV for any support you can. Hopefully, the nursery nurse can get you referred for a hearing check/speech therapy.

In the meantime, join some autism/developmental delay support groups on Facebook or similar and get some tips from other parents in the same boat. That's your best shot with waiting lists being what they are. Don't worry so much about a blanket diagnoses, but get tips to address each issue. For example, introducing visual cue cards may help both his undertaking and his ability to communicate with you.

I'm sorry, what a difficult time. I definitely sounds like a developmental delay - it's all the things you've mentioned in combination.

I think nursery might be beneficial as this will help clear doubts and provide external stimulation for your little one. One of my friends with an autistic son said it became very obvious when the younger child hit all the milestones the older one hadn't.

Getting help these days is so hard but there are countless resources online for free so maybe look into those? Early intervention can be very positive.

This sounds a bit like my child at around 18 months, and by the time we went to the ages and stages review at 2.5 he too scored black in most areas. His first words were letters, numbers and shapes, with almost no social communication. Lots of spinning, lots of running around like a maniac, head shaking, mini meltdowns all day long, small attention span.

He is now 3 and being referred for an autism assessment. We had referrals for speech and language (who have made the autism assessment referral) and a hearing test (of which he passed) and portage, who does play based therapy. I’d imagine you should get these referrals too. If not, ask.

Now he’s in pre-school and loving it. He has more language that is functional rather than pure labelling (numbers, letters, animals etc) but I see his peers able to have a little back and forth conversation with an adult with flexible thought and it’s hard to witness knowing my son can’t do that yet. BUT the more you understand about your own child’s trajectory, the more empowered you’ll feel as a parent. Learning about hyperlexia and gestalt language processing for example has been a game changer for us in understanding how our son is seeing the world and how he is acquiring language (although not all ND children develop this way) He’s also much calmer now too, and generally a joy. It’s hard, so I really do empathise with you.

Some things to try at home in the meantime (if you haven’t already) are: flashcards, magnetic / foam letters, singing nursery rhymes, physical play, floor time, mimicking his babbles, hand leading (taking his hand with the soon to scoop for eg.) not asking too many questions but starting with ‘let’s’ or ‘it’s a’ and finally using lots of intonation in your voice when speaking to your son.

It’s all encouraging signs that your son can babble, identify parts of his body, and is interested in undressing. Those are all things that can be built upon IMO. I’m sure there’s plenty more areas you can build on, it’s just having to go about things a different way.

I think at his age nursery isn’t essential, At this age they don’t tend to play with each other, rather parallel play. if you do a playgroup and seeing other kids a few times a week (even at a park) that’s enough.

I would make sure you read to him a lot like before naptime and before bed every day. That can help a lot with formulating words and practicing them.

Other than that just talking to him, even if he doesn’t respond. Limit tv if you can. Keep going, he might just not be ready.

I hope you can get some support from community nurse. Nursery may be a good option for him a few days a week.

the speech a lone isn’t concerning, it’s the lack of understanding or following instructions which they should be focusing on. Maybe they should check his hearing?