To be frustrated with this?

[DilemmaDelilah]

First of all - anyone who has read any of my other posts will know that I absolutely adore my husband, he will do anything for me and he is practically perfect. BUT..... Quite often, if I suggest something he will come back with a negative comment, without suggesting any alternative.

Examples:
Shall we have pork tonight? Response - We had pork at the weekend. Not, we had pork at the weekend and it might be nice to have a change, how about chicken curry instead?
Shall we go to B&M at the weekend to look at their Christmas decorations? Response - I'm going to be really busy at the weekend. Not I've got a lot on this weekend, so how about we go on Monday instead.
I think the stair rail needs re-painting, shall we get Sam in to do it? Response - it's not worth getting Sam in to do such a small job. Not Its not worth getting Sam in to such a small job, how about I do it instead? Or even It's not worth getting Sam in for such a small job, but the kitchen could do with re-painting next year, how about we wait until then.

I have spoken to him many many times about not just being negative, but coming up with a positive suggestion! He will if I push him to come up with one but honestly it's just so frustrating! Does anyone else have this problem?

Yes! But usually the way I suggest things are done is wrong by default. He'll try numerous other methods or ideas first and often comes back to what I suggested in the first place!! Very frustrating!

I think the way that he answers put the emphasis back on you to suggest an alternative, rather than suggesting it himself. Does he leave the mental load to you in other areas as well?

All those examples you give are closed questions. Try reframing them to force him to think for himself - e.g. when are you free to go to B&Q with me? What shall we have for dinner tonight? What can we do about this stair rail? etc

Reply with "So what do you suggest then?"

If they respond with "I don't know" then reply with "Right, I'll do my original suggestion as doing nothing is not an option".

Every. Single. Time.

Try rephrasing your questions.
What shall we have to eat tonight?
What shall we do about repainting the rail?

I mean everyone has annoying habits. You say that he is practically perfect except for this- is he not allowed any flaws at all?

As another poster has suggested- try rephrasing the question to get a better answer.

I agree, my husband, while otherwise being caring and lovely can be quite abrupt and dismissive in conversation. But then I come on mumsnet and read about what other husbands get up to and decide I can live with it

Read “how to talk so children will listen how to listen so children will talk” and it will give you strategies for better communication.

They are closed questions, but that is because I am tired of doing all the thinking! If I say something like 'what would you like to eat tonight' he just says to have whatever I want - unless I actually suggest something. I WANT his input, but if I don't suggest something he just won't think for himself. He thinks he is being nice and letting me do whatever I want - but he really isn't!

This is a minor flaw. He does have a few other minor flaws, usually regarding being TOO helpful. Of course he is allowed a few flaws, I have many. It doesn't stop me getting frustrated though!

Hm—look if this is the only problem I think you need to meditate on why it upsets you so much.

You really only have a few choices:
understand him
fight with him
change yourself and your response.

My dh is quite passive with respect to dinner. He grew up with a very organized, dominant, mother and choice was just not offered to him. I cook what I want and he happily eats it. I check with him periodically to make sure he doesn’t dislike it. For breakfast and lunch he takes care of himself.

If he has nothing useful to add to the discussion just stop asking for a while. Or, as I suggested upthread, try asking in a different way.

@pikkumyy77 I didn't say it upsets me, I said I get frustrated! I'm not looking for solutions - just wondering whether anyone else has the same problem.