Trigger warning - baby loss- To personally really hate the wave of light

[Gotabadfeelingaboutthis]

Just that really.
I lost two babies in the second trimester and my gorgeous baby girl was stillborn. I hate the wave of light. I don't find it comforting, I just find it overwhelming and heartbreaking and if I forget and open my social media on this day, I literally feel like I'm being suffocated seeing post after post of candles and tributes. It is too much. It's not a club I want to be part of and nor do I want anyone else to be.

This is not a post saying others shouldn't do it by the way, I genuinely hope others gain comfort from it. But for me personally, I'm really struggling today.

Of course your feelings are valid, I imagine that's incredibly difficult. I'm so sorry for your loses

I’m so sorry that you’re struggling and I’m so sorry for your losses. YANBU to feel how you do.

Is it worth putting a recurring reminder in a calendar app to stay off social media for a few days around 15th Oct? It might help avoid it for you.

I’m not very keen either OP. I had 2 losses, one of which was a very upsetting second trimester one too, but I haven’t shared with that many people IRL and “advertising” it on social media just isn’t me. But I suppose a lot of people gain comfort from it, so I have to respect that. Unfortunately I never really register when it is, so I can’t avoid social media because I never know until I start seeing the first posts …

It's the 15th October every year, maybe set a reminder for next year now? And it's not 'advertising' it's acknowledging, it's not often I get to acknowledge my beautiful daughter to anyone else and it brings comfort. Although I haven't actually done this this year. Absolutely 100% agree that nobody is unreasonable to feel how they feel though, it's such a personal thing and there's no right or wrong way to grieve. Best to just try and avoid it if it doesn't provide comfort to you, hopefully having a reminder set will make a difference for next year. Sorry for your losses

It's absolutely ok to feel however you are feeling.

Personally it feels like a moment where I can just be honest and point out to some of the snug posters on Instagram that life isn't always so kind to everyone. (Sorry if that sounds bitter, I feel bitter rn, but I'm not in real life!)

It also helped me reach out to other women, when I was experiencing the worst time of my life which is a huge upside of it.

Im so sorry for your losses
I lost my baby boy and I volunteer for a charity that helped me and a lot of parents do find it helpful but what I would say is don't feel any pressure at all if its not for you. Your feelings are valid and it's OK not to want to do it.
Sending you kind and gentle thoughts

I agree. I find this day very overwhelming seeing all the candles. All it does is remind me of my pain. I don’t think of other’s pain-just mine. Am I selfish for that? I don’t involve anyone else in these thoughts and don’t want any sympathy.

I feel the same as you OP I find it very distressing especially the photos. My losses where all consecutive between 16 and 21 weeks I will forever have my babies ingrained in my memory. I don't need a special day to remember, I do however understand some people find a remembrance day really helpful.

@Pandasnacks I didn’t mean ‘advertising’ to sound snide, I just meant that for me, there are only a handful of friends and family who know about my losses, so posting something would basically be broadcasting it to everyone which I don’t want to do when I don’t want to talk about it. Agree it’s entirely personal. I will set a reminder for next year. Sorry for your losses too

So sorry OP and to all that have posted. My daughter died on 15th October at nearly 2 weeks old,over 30 years ago. I know nothing about the Wave of Light. From the sound of it I would not find it comforting. However,I can understand why some may want to be involved with it. Like other people have said..perhaps set a reminder. I use social media and have never come across it.

Sorry for your loss OP, and others on this thread. I have a candle lit at home this evening, but I wouldn't join in the social media wave as it just wouldn't feel right for me.

It's totally ok to feel that way. I'm sorry for your losses. I lost my twins at birth. My first twin was stillborn last November and his brother died aged 4 days old, 4 days later. It's an incredibly hard time. I think maybe it's to raise awareness of baby loss as its often not talked about but I completely understand how overwhelming it is. My sons will be gone a year next month and I'm dreading it.

Of course your feelings are valid OP, and it does bring a lot to the surface emotionally for me too. So of course YANBU

I have now had six losses and I actually find it quite comforting in a strange way? It’s not something I usually feel I can talk about easily and for a long time I felt incredibly isolated, I didn’t know anyone else who had been through it. Seeing the candles makes me feel a bit like “oh yeah other people care about this too” when often it feels like no one gives a shit with the state of the healthcare we have received

I do post on SM, but literally just a picture of a candle. So the people that know, know. But to anyone that doesn’t, they can take what they want from that.

It’s my first wave of light this year and it was very recent, so I found it comforting and helpful to have a moment to grieve and acknowledge. Today has been shit because of it, but I’ve found it helpful to actual face how I’m feeling if that makes sense? So many tears.

However, OP, I totally get where you’re coming from too. You don’t need our validation, how you feel is how you’re dealing with your pain and no one can take issue with that. Sending you love.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't remember my Babies, but tonight is the one day I don't feel stigmatised for grieving early pregnancy losses.

THIS

I hear you, OP.

I personally hate it too. I'm happy others find comfort from it, but it opens up painful memories for me and one thing that really upsets me is when people share photos of their babies who have clearly passed on at the time it was taken. I'm also grieving, I have trauma and it's not something I want to see when I open social media.

It's perfectly okay to take a day off from people for that day, or to unfollow those who post so it doesn't upset you. Sorry for your loss 💐

You have a right to feel however you want to.

I’ve had several miscarriages and also a neonatal death. I personally don’t mind it and hope it teaches people to be more sensitive (rather than asking if you’ll have “another one” before you’ve even buried your child (!)

but if you don’t like it, that’s ok too ❤️