To be annoyed that men are treated better in some families

[Mrsdoyler]

I can think of so many examples.

I have one older brother , no sisters.

I have distant family living abroad. We only became aware of each other after two cousins found each other on a genealogy site. I was talking to them online. We all thought it would be nice to meetup. They asked me over to visit. I went over (a very long way away ) twice. It was nice to meet them and we had a nice time.

They added my older brother on Facebook as a Facebook friend. He never spoke to them, or went over to see them.

Come Christmas they all sent my brother happy Christmas messages on Facebook. None of them sent me a message.

Again for our birthdays, they all sent my brother happy birthday messages, and they never sent me a message

A different issue. My dad stopped speaking to me and my brother when I was a child, after my parents divorce. My dad was just not a nice man. However I spent ages trying to get my dad to talk to me and my brother. I wrote letters to him asking him to meetup.

My brother never wrote a letter to my dad or asked him to see us.

When I went over to see my dad's family , I was told that so many things were my fault.

That it was all my fault. I pointed out that my dad didn't speak to my brother at all either.
But they spoke about my brother in glowing terms. Nothing was my brothers fault. They blamed me, the woman for everything.

The Last example. My mother went into a nursing home last year to recover from a broken arm. I lived three hours away. Many weekends, I travelled three hours on the train down to See her and three hours back. I was working fulltime at the time.

One weekend my mum apparently told my aunt that she was lonely and sad in there. My aunt then texted me and told me that i should be ashamed of myself for not going into visit my mum more.

I pointed out to my aunt that I had made several three hour round journey trips in to see my mother. My brother hadn't gone in to see my mother once. Yet it was me that got s8houted at. Not him

I'm fed up of it. Why do some families treat the men like kings and the women like dirt

Misogyny

I'm fed up of it!

Fucking misogyny 😂

When my youngest brother was born, DF took time off work to look after me and my sister (5 and 2!) He decided this was a great time to redecorate the entire house. My mum arrived home with 3 day old DB to open cans of paint everywhere, every room half painted, furniture moved blocking access to the cabinet with all the new baby clothes!

The next day the HV came to visit and began giving my mum a proper earful about paint fumes/newborns/basically useless parenting. DF wanders in and asks if she likes the wall colour, and the tune turns completely. Apparently he's an incredible, thoughtful person to do this for DM, dads should step up more like this, maybe just be careful and keep windows open. We all still laugh about this now!

Aghh! So annoying.

Yeah If the woman does something its wrong. If the man does it, he's great!

If my elderly mum is ill or has a fall, her siblings seem to expect me to drop everything, including my full time job, to look after her.

Yet they wouldn't ask my brother to lift a finger, even one time.

It's ridiculous how much it's still a thing. In so many places as well.

DH was widowed when I met him and some of the stories he tells about how differently he was treated as a man solo parenting a toddler to two female friends he made - who were in the exact same position - that horrified me (and him thankfully).

Yep, the 'boys' in my family could never do wrong. Brothers, uncles, male cousins etc. Lazy useless fucking arseholes for the most part, but the (usually older) women in the family act like their shit don't stink.

None of them have ever lifted a finger to help the older and infirm members of the extended family or neighbours when they need it - ever. Yet they are never made to feel guilty or bad - and they bloody well don't.

Has always fucked me right off, and is one of the reasons why I have very little to do with my extended family, and nothing to do with some of them.

Not just your family .I was FT Carer to elderly uncle , took him into my home for 3 years . Brother would visit very occasionally despite living nearby . Uncle always sang his praises , how good it was of him to visit with his big job ( office worker in Council ) . Only redeeming thing is that my brother thought it was hilarious and we both laughed about it .

Oh this as well!

I now care for DM, neither of my siblings help out for various reasons. It's always 'can't your sister chip in?' ~ no one challenges DB not helping out!

Ah!

Yes they would never expect a man to do caring duties.

Why not. Why do only women have to do elderly care

I have an aunt (by marriage and we don't speak now)

If a man/boy in the family was washing dishes she'd call us girls out and tell us we should do it ... for a man to do it was "degrading" 🤷🏻‍♀️

My mum said that when she was a child in rural Ireland in the 1950s she was made to get heavy buckets of water from an outside tap and walk back to the house. It was heavy work. She had three brothers.

She told me that she asked her mum why don't her brothers help her. Her mother told her that it was "women's work".

My mum told me that she remembered thinking "but what is men's work, nothing seems to be men's work"

I have an Asian friend with a very hectic, high-flying job involving tons of international travel.

Her parents call her all the time, no matter where she is or what she’s doing, about even the most minor things (resetting the boiler, etc) because her brother - who is self-employed and works locally - is apparently ‘far too busy’ to deal with little things like this, and they don’t want to disturb him!

Luckily she has a brilliant sense of humour …

When i was a single Mum of 2 young DC, with a full time job I wasn't "allowed" to complain about being tired, or the fact I was up and out by 6am and not home again until gone 10pm. In the winter I didn't see daylight on my work days. I had to work my share of weekends and nights. (HCA) . If I so much as hinted that I might have a lie-in at the weekend/lazy day then it was made very clear that wasn't acceptable. DC should, under no circumstances be getting up and making their own breakfast.

DB is a married father of 2. His wife doesn't work. You'd think he was doing 20 hour days down the mines for the amount of praise he gets. "He leaves home before 7am don't you know?" Yes. And he's home by 5! DC are regularly left to to their own devices until lunchtime.

Yeah the double standards are awful.

I'm a single parent with a disabled child. My mother recently had an operation. She asked my brother for lifts to her appointments but repeatedly asked myself and my sister (who lives over an hour away) for help with the shopping and domestic stuff. Brother is self employed and has a stay at home wife so childcare wasn't a problem for him.

Growing up I had to cook once a week but brother never expected to. I had to do housework. I wasn't allowed to go out late but he was. I had to lay the table, prep veg on Christmas morning while brother slept off his hangover. Soooo many examples.

What's depressing is internalised it all and kept acting that way into adulthood. I didn't realised my husband was abusive until it got violent. I'd literally been told growing up that feminism was over, women have the vote it's a success now being a feminist is uncool and not something I should aspire to.

I now single parent my kids and I hate that my dd sees me doing everything and I make a real point of telling her I expect more help from her around the house because she is capable - her brother can't do it so I don't make him it's not because he's a boy I don't expect it. But I see her being influenced all the time being told to calm down for behaviour boys have excused. I can correct it when I'm there but so much happens at school where she trusts the teachers who are holding boys and girls to different standards so that must be right a teacher is doing it. Boils my blood