Sometimes you have to laugh - why are deadbeat dads like this?

[OhBling]

A friend's ex who, having only seen their children 3 times in the last 6 months (ditto, has never paid a penny) and who regularly just blocks her AND the DC so none of them call call/message him, on hearing last week that her mother would be staying at her house overnight so that she could go to a very late party from which she wasn't planning to return until the trains started the next morning .... rang her to rant at her tell her that she did not have his permission to leave the children overnight with her mother and he was going to report her to social services.

It's NOT funny. But I let out a burst of laughter when she told me. She said she had the same response when he rang her (which obviously just infuriated him even more). Admittedly, it's been years so she's completely indifferent to his ridiculous demands.

But more seriously, WHY do men think they can have this control even after they have clearly completely abandoned their children and responsibilities?

I wonder how he even found out

Why hasn't she blocked the twat?

I'd wonder how he had my number. If he doesn't contact the kids, the audacity to think he has any say in my life.

@traybake81 it was during a non-blocked phase so one of the DC mentioned to him in passing that Granny was coming over that night because mum was off to a party.

@username3678 Excellent question. But for all that she doesn't let him bother her anymore, she would still love him to actually be in the DCs' lives and tries to keep the door open.

The thing is that I can't work out, and DH and I have talked about this a lot, is why on earth this man thinks he has a say? why isn't he embarrassed that he has no involvement in the DCs' lives? How on earth does he justify to himself that he's calling her and giving her a hard time about her childcare arrangements?

it's just so WEIRD.

I'm just glad she's in a better place. it was truly awful when they first broke up.

she would still love him to actually be in the DCs' lives and tries to keep the door open.’
why?

in. her shoes i’d be relieved he was so disinterested

Can’t believe you’re navel gazing about his thought process

He is a twat

End of

He isn't pissed off she is leaving the kids, he's pissed off she is managing to go out and he has no control anymore.

Ding Ding Ding!

Absolutely 💯

@traybake81 sure, I feel the same. But it's not so easy for her. Years of abuse, confused DC, a genuine belief that having a dad is a good thing, not so easy.

As for navel gazing - I'm not sure that's what I'd call it. I do find it odd. And I've been there for my friend 100% for a long time, including lots of childcare in the early days when he just wouldn't turn up on the days he was supposed to, so I don't think it's strange that I think about it. I just can't imagine the men in my life behaving this way. It's hard to get my head around the behaviour. And then you come on MN and discover that this wanker is actually just pretty standard for the type.