What do you spend child maintenance on?

[kungfullama]

My ex and I have a reasonable arrangement for maintenance payments for our dc. Never been through CSA/CMA.

His monthly payments go into a separate account to my current account and for a long time I just left it alone, hoping to let it save up for when ds gets older and there are big costs likes cars and university if he wants to go.

I always managed to cover the day to day costs by myself. Utilities, food etc. But as he's getting older he's eating a lot more and generally costing a lot more with socialising and activities. Now I find myself dipping into the maintenance savings a lot more. If he needs anything in particular - shoes, winter clothing, school transport I tend to dip into it. But then I feel bad because it feels like I'm not paying for any of these additional items. His dad is.

But then he lives with me 80% of the time so I suppose my food and day to day costs are more. Just interested in how other people work it out.

I get £30 a month for 3 kids 🙄 it goes fucking nowhere 🤣 when I did receive actual money it went on living costs, clothes ect

It's for the running costs of your kid
You're thinking like a man here tbh, that CM is solely for them and them only, ive heard the grumbles a million times from blokes who think they're paying for mother's hair and nails. Forgetting that kids need to be housed, clothes, fed etc.

So when you use that money to buy him a car when he's 17 dad will be the superhero for paying for it, not the martyr mother who put the money aside and felt guilty for spending maintenance money on maintaining her child? 🙄

You seem to be tying yourself into knots about this. Why - where has this odd attitude come from? Does your ex cajole you about what you spend "his" money on?

So are you paying the day to day costs of your dc alone or are you and your dh? In which case your dh is subsidising the costs associated with your dc that's not his and this is why you can save this money. Most single parents find they can't afford to save the maintenance money! That's the point, it's towards the extra every day expenses of raising the child that the resident parent incurrs and the NRP doesn't, so they pay towards it.

You're using it exactly as intended with the added bonus of maybe saving a little bit?

Presumably your current DH buys shoes, clothing, pays for transport etc for your other children, what's the difference?

Part of his dad contributing is to ensure he shares to cost of housing your joint child. So using the money towards rent/bills is exactly what is it for.

What are you being so weird about this @kungfullama?

My ex paid the bare minimum for my 2.
It went to help feed and cloth them ...Justin with the household budget.
But tbh, he was paying only 300 a month which between 2 teenagers and on,y £10 a day....went nowhere.

Surely it should just go towards general day to day living costs? So things like mortgage/rent, food, bills, petrol, clubs, clothes, shoes, school uniforms, school lunches, trips out etc. Raising a child costs a lot of money, and maintenance payments are just your ex's contribution towards this - it's not the child's money as such.

If you can save a bit of your own money at the end of the of the month towards future costs such as a car or uni, then that's great, but that's not what maintenance is for.

it's technically her money, but living expenses are also for her benefit so I think it's all fair either way

It's not technically her money, it's your ex's contribution to you to help cover the costs of raising her ie living expenses as well as trips out. So it's absolutely fine (and expected) that you spend it this way.

Just goes in the bank account that we use for spending and is used in the same way as all our other money. It is not separated or earmarked, just pays towards all the stuff they need as per the rest of money.

Thank you for the helpful comments.
Not sure why I'm being labelled as weird just for thinking about money in a certain way but whatever.
The money is there to be spent on ds whether that be day to day costs, special purchases or whatever. And it all goes to him, that's all I'm trying to ensure.

But in effect because you are using your household money to pay for day to day costs like food, petrol etc. you’re other DCs dad (ie DH) is funding your DS. Do you have enough money so he can contribute/save that much for his children?

I appreciate you want to save for your DS and I would too, but you the maintenance is to cover his day ti day costs. I think you need to think of it like that. His dad isn’t buying those things, you are because you are Paying more for your DS every single day if his life.

Diivide your monthly running the household costs including food, bills, rent, cars, insurance etc by the number of people in the house. Then you have what each person ‘costs’ per month. Divide one share by 2 - that’s how much your DS father should be providing towards his costs. Is that the same as the maintenance he pays? I bet it’s considerably more.

At last someone said it!
In your DHs shoes I'd feel a bit aggrieved for my own children to be honest.
It should go in the family pot, pay for whatever the family needs, then each of the children get the same amount of savings from what's left.

i’m so grateful that my ex simply trusts me

He transfer maintenance

it goes in to my account and, i spend it. On me, the house, the dog, holidays, bills, groceries and… yes… the children we had together