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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lost my cats trust. Will I get it back?

26 replies

Twowindowcinemaclub · 15/10/2024 07:30

cat didn’t have the best start to life and ended up at the RSPCA. We have had him for nearly 5 years and it took a very long time to earn his trust. He still doesn’t trust my partner and runs away from him and doesn’t let him touch him apart from for a few seconds on his terms. I am the only person that he trusts and feels comfortable around.

However that has all changed now. He has a problem with his eye and I have to put this gel in it. It means that one of us has to pick him up and the other do the eye drops. Since doing this, he won’t come anywhere near me and is scared of me. If he sees me he runs away, he spends the day hiding and we have to track him down and find him when it’s time to give him the drops. Things like this really affect him he is such a timid and anxious cat in general and is scared of everything. When I come down in the morning he runs under the table and hides. When I come in from work again he runs away. His pupils are dilated because he’s in a constant state of fear wondering when the next time we will grab him is. I am in tears writing this I hate it. He now lives in a home where he doesn’t trust anyone and is constantly scared. I am worried that this is going to make him ill. But also, is he ever going to trust me again? Is he now constantly going to run away from me? I need some reassurance because I am absolutely heartbroken right now and feel immensely sorry for him. I feel like the worst person in the world and I bet he is confused about why I am doing this. When I put the drops in, he army crawls across the floor to a hiding place, it’s awful to watch. He has got out this morning and I’m worried he won’t come back.

OP posts:
Deadhouseplant · 15/10/2024 07:34

You sound like a caring owner and I’m not surprised you’re finding this upsetting.
I have no advice other than ask MNHQ to move this to the Litter Tray board as there will be experienced cat folk who may be able to advise more.

ChangedmyMindNotUsingMyRealName · 15/10/2024 07:38

My kitten was like this when I had to give him his ear drops. Though not as bad. When the treatment stopped he forgot about it and I think he understands I have to do things like this to take care of him

CatsndtheBear · 15/10/2024 07:43

My cat had to get major abdominal surgery at 6 months old and then cage rest for two weeks. It changed him from a trusting and cuddly boy to him being fearful and avoidant of affection.

Feliway Optimum plugins made a noticeable difference. The second was me chilling out and realising that while i needed to change his bandages and give him medicine he wouldnt be my biggest fan. He HATED his meds and his poor tummy incision was literally the length of him. I just steeled myself, knowing it needed to be done and was for his benefit.

Once it was all over i did loads of sitting in the same room as him, letting him come to me and being rewarded with high value treats. Thrive Freeze Dried Chicken treats are the best.

And it took time, but i didnt force affection but eventually he associated me with treats and cuddles.
Now, nearly a year later he is my shadow, sleeps beside me and is currently laying flat on his back beside me for tickles.

Cats like the slowly slowly approach, so just know this will pass. But the Feliway (specifically Optimum) and the Thrive treats went a long way.

You will get his trust back but try to chill. Cats are very attuned to our energy!

Edit to add, if he has a litter tray then putting it outside will help him find his way home via smell.

ImaginaryCat · 15/10/2024 07:44

You sound awesome, and it's clear you love him. You're doing the very best you can by him, giving him the medical treatment that he needs.
How long will you need to administer the gel to his eye? Is there any sign of improvement yet?
Eventually he will heal and realise that you didn't actually hurt him. He was afraid but you didn't hurt him. He's still being fed, he still has a safe, warm home, and you're still there for him. He will forgive you.

CatsndtheBear · 15/10/2024 07:48

Also, stress can cause cystitis. Feliway do Cystease capsules which you open up and sprinkle on their wet food and mix it in. It has the added benefit of being calming.

I used them for my boy for around 6 months. You can get them on Amazon.

I cant say for sure whether the plugins or the capsules helped the most, but i figured covering all my bases was a good idea.

helpfulperson · 15/10/2024 07:50

High value treats straight after do help here.

Going forward next time explain to the vet about the issues and ask if there is any alternate options. My cat developed an eye problem the day before I went away on holiday leaving him with cat sitters. I explained this to the vet and she gave him an antibiotic injection instead of drops. more expensive and less effective, but better than a cat sitter not being able to get them in his eye at all. So there are sometimes ways round it.

Original poster
Twowindowcinemaclub · 15/10/2024 09:30

ImaginaryCat · 15/10/2024 07:44

You sound awesome, and it's clear you love him. You're doing the very best you can by him, giving him the medical treatment that he needs.
How long will you need to administer the gel to his eye? Is there any sign of improvement yet?
Eventually he will heal and realise that you didn't actually hurt him. He was afraid but you didn't hurt him. He's still being fed, he still has a safe, warm home, and you're still there for him. He will forgive you.

I have 4 more days to go and have to give them twice a day. I haven’t noticed any improvement because I never saw anything wrong to start with, so I have no idea if it’s working. He had an operation and his eyes went dry which then gave him a small ulcer. He eyes just looked the same as normal to me and there was no signs of pain or anything but have been giving him the gel anyway as requested. The thing is, because it’s a gel, it just sits on his eye making it cloudy and then I assume he can’t see very well out of it so even though I’m not hurting him, he can feel it on his eyeball for a while after

OP posts:
Original poster
Twowindowcinemaclub · 15/10/2024 09:32

helpfulperson · 15/10/2024 07:50

High value treats straight after do help here.

Going forward next time explain to the vet about the issues and ask if there is any alternate options. My cat developed an eye problem the day before I went away on holiday leaving him with cat sitters. I explained this to the vet and she gave him an antibiotic injection instead of drops. more expensive and less effective, but better than a cat sitter not being able to get them in his eye at all. So there are sometimes ways round it.

i did actually tell the vet but he didn’t seem to believe me. He said “well he let me give him the drops no problem. He’s really good” yes at the vets. But at home where he’s more comfortable and knows all his hiding places, it’s hard. Once we catch him it’s easy enough to administer. It’s just the stress it’s causing him that’s worrying me and how he is now constantly anxious in the house

OP posts:
ChangedmyMindNotUsingMyRealName · 15/10/2024 09:33

My cat understands when I apologise to him after making him take medications or giving him a bath

ChangedmyMindNotUsingMyRealName · 15/10/2024 09:34

I agree with treats right after too

Original poster
Twowindowcinemaclub · 15/10/2024 09:35

ChangedmyMindNotUsingMyRealName · 15/10/2024 09:34

I agree with treats right after too

I try but he doesn’t want them, he is too scared for treats he just wants to get away. I even leave the treats on the floor for him and walk away but he doesn’t eat them he just stays hiding

OP posts:
ChangedmyMindNotUsingMyRealName · 15/10/2024 09:36

Aww. I know it's horrible what we have to do sometimes

rarebits · 15/10/2024 09:37

He will forgive you, just give him time.

JMSA · 15/10/2024 09:38

Aww, you poor thing Flowers
You sound so lovelySmile

Cherryflavouranything · 15/10/2024 12:51

I was about to suggest feliway too. He sounds anxious generally, and they could really help chill him out a bit. The plug ins are great.

Original poster
Twowindowcinemaclub · 15/10/2024 15:19

Cherryflavouranything · 15/10/2024 12:51

I was about to suggest feliway too. He sounds anxious generally, and they could really help chill him out a bit. The plug ins are great.

i had feliway friends when we got our second cat to help them get along, but didn’t seem to make a difference. Does the normal feliway work better?

OP posts:
Cherryflavouranything · 15/10/2024 19:55

I’ve not heard of feliway friends! But I’d definitely give Feliway Classic a try

lb640 · 15/10/2024 20:02

I'm having to give my unimpressed cat a lot of medicines plus an inhaler at moment. He seems to have mostly accepted it after a little while but he knows treats appear after! (Lick a Lix seems to make any cat cheer up!)

He was angry with me at first few weeks, and he always insists on being let out after medicines for a run around the garden... but then he gets over it and is his usual soppy self after a couple of hours

Also recommend Feliway (the classic plug in should be fine), it seems great!

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 15/10/2024 20:12

Have you tried lik-e-lix? They are like a disgusting salmon yoghurt type thing but my cat is absolutely mad for them. She will do anything for them (and she hates being ‘fiddled with’ in any sort of vet capacity and will scratch, hiss and bite to stop us trimming her nails etc).

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 15/10/2024 20:19

Poor sweet. Must admit I don’t give medication when it causes the cat such trauma. I’m sure that when it stops you will slowly gain his trust again but this stage is awful.

user1471556818 · 15/10/2024 20:21

Definitely get the mind set of it's for your benefit so it's happening firstly.
Plug in Feliway .Really high value treats every time you are doing something to them .My cat went from hiding and having to be wrapped in a towel to coming down the stairs when it was tablet time when I rattled the cat treats.He got a couple of extra yrs by taking these tablets
Worth practicing different touch areas moving forward .
Good luck it's hard

Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit · 15/10/2024 20:27

Lik e lix household here. My little cat loves the Xmas special edition ocado have just stocked!
OP it's awful for you and your lovely cat right now. But it will improve. I have to give my old boy liquid meds everyday at the moment then he will need anti thyroid ear cream for ever.
He really bears a grudge to such an extent that my partner does her best to never administer it! She is of course a health care professional in her day job.
As soon as the treatment is complete things will improve. He will trust you again. My dear departed cat that I lost at Xmas took nearly 3 years to like me , but after that we were best friends for the rest of her life.
Use the plug in, I use itch off amazon it really helps.
And I don't like the sound of your vet! Mine are much more sympathetic, I would get a different one if I were you. Or as I'm so old and bad tempered I'd have a bit of a row!

Notalltheleavesarebrown · 15/10/2024 20:31

Dreamies!
My cat will do anything for Dreamies. Pretty sure they are the only reason he has not permanently moved in with my neighbours.

Waltzers · 16/10/2024 01:37

One of mine had a bad start to life and took a long time to build up trust, she's basically my cat, she just tolerates everyone else.

She has an imperfection in one eye that gets sore, especially when it's sunny so she needs eye drops fairly regularly, she hates them and she hates me for doing it. She does come round again after a while. Feliway definitely helps relax her, one thing the vet recommended to us is to spray the feliway directly on their collar, we've used this recently when one kept weeing on the carpet and it stopped him immediately.

AprilShowerslastforHours · 16/10/2024 07:03

Yes.

As my do loves reminding me, intros on my DCat twice when pregnant, the second time badly. My bump was huge and I couldn’t see quite a bit of floor space, she had decided to curl up by the side of the bed where she’d never lain before. I had no chance of seeing her and put my food down heavily.

She hid for 20 minutes despite the treats coming out and wasn’t thrilled with me for a while, but she soon forgave me. She now, 5 years on, insists on sitting with me in the sofa of an evening once dd has gone to bed. She has v little to do with do regardless of the fact he’s never injured her