Grandparents

[Rollypops]

Hello everyone,

My children are just over 2.5 years and 11 months, there's 20 months between them. Before they arrived, my FIL used to ask when he was going to be a grandad, it took us 4 years to get our children and multiple rounds of IVF. Now he hardly ever sees them.

My DH says he doesn't really ask about them only if he messages 1st or sends him pictures / videos of them. It has been 4 months since he last saw them and when he does, he seems to take offence that they're shy or cry when held, especially my youngest. I'm torn between just keeping quiet or saying something like "stranger danger", or "they've not seen you for months, that's why" nothing really offensive, just something to hopefully make him think. He is remarried and spends time / goes away with his new family and his step grandchildren. Tbh I'm not bothered about seeing him more, I just don't want my children to grow up thinking that their grandad doesn't make any effort with them 😔 it is always us too that makes the 1st move to initiate seeing him, fed up of it tbh.

Being unreasonable to say something?

Oh that sounds tough OP! I'm sure the MN brigade will be along shortly to remind you that grandparents don't 'owe' you anything but I can see how this would suck!

I wouldn't say anything like that, no - I think it would drive a further wedge into the family dynamics. But maybe get DH to have a quiet word and see if there's anything that would make FIL more comfortable spending time together/suggest outings?

I would let my DH to deal with his dad in this situation. And if he doesn't next time FIL is over and is reacting to the kids, I would just tell him that the kids hardly see him hence they are not comfortable with him the way he seems to be expecting.