Will I ever have a conversation with my son?

[BuildYourBonny]

My lovely little boy is 5yrs 9m old and has autism. He is verbal, but not conversational at this point. He uses 1-2 word phrases to tell me what he wants/needs/where he would like to go. He is in an ASD unit in a mainstream school. He knows colours, the alphabet, can count etc. He talks all day long but it is in the form of scripting nursery rhymes and lines from shows. He likes to mix the lines up sometimes to create new lines. His receptive language has improved a lot and he can now follow 1-2 step commands like, "go and get your green shoes and then your jacket". I do feel he understands most of what I say now. This is all great, but, my heart longs to have a conversation with him. To hear about his day. To hear him say I love you, Mummy. I'm tearing up just typing this. I know that nobody has a crystal ball, however, maybe someone can offer some advice or personal experience...J. X

My son was very similar at that age. To boost his receptive language and his engagement I used to come up with scripts of our own mainly about farting which his still as a teen thinks is the funniest thing ever. We came up with songs, rhymes, stories and I’d say my bit and he’d say his. It brought us very close together and gave us very strong communication at his level which I think helped him a bit to learn a bit of turn taking and storytelling. He still is not much of a chatter but he is much better able to communicate these days and outside of conversations more importantly he and I still have a very strong bond. There are other ways of communicating that you both can find meets both of your needs.

My son will always need support and he will always have poor social and communication skills by the standards of his peers but that is the disability and it is important for me to accept that about him as hard as that can be sometimes.

@DietrichandDiMaggio totally applaud you. Your voice needs to be heard too. Every voice needs to be heard. And we speak for those who can’t who we love and cherish more than anything in the world. I love many many features of my son’s autism, but I am sick of feeling like I need to apologise or watch what I say if I express any worries in him not having any words just yet. It is terrifying as a parent! Our children are so vulnerable if they don’t know how to communicate effectively. And yes I’m aware there are many forms of communication and I support this. I am trained to level 4 in makaton, I do pecs, I’ve tried it all, but I do worry what no spoken language means.

@DietrichandDiMaggio it's not about you either. Not every autistic person is like me, any more than every autistic person is like your son either. I spoke about my own feelings seeing ableist comments about autism on here, I am not speaking for anybody else.

Parenting children with disabilities absolutely can be very tough going, I'm never going to dispute that. Often, things are more difficult for autistic children and adults because the world doesn't accept them as they are, people don't want to understand differences or accommodate their needs, or provide enough funding for autistic people with all levels of support needs to have those needs adequately met, or to support their parents and carers properly so people aren't exhausted and burnt out and having to fight for every last penny or minute of respite.

I guess where I'm coming from is, when we blame the autism as the sole cause of life being hard, we let the system and society off the hook, and nothing changes.

I sincerely hope you and your son are as well supported as you can be given the challenges you're facing.

My son is 22. He started talking when he was 5. I used to say " I love you Bob" (not his real name) and he'd always say "I love you Bob" back to me. Until one day when he was 12 he walked out of school and said "I love you Mum" Obviously I cried! It was Valentines Day so they'd been talking about love at school and he must have taken it in.

Now I can ask him about his day and tell me it was good, a sentence about what he did, what he ate for lunch. But apart from that it's hard to have a longer conversation with him as his speech is very repetitive, and he will talk about his special interests at me and others.

I had covid recently and when he got up one morning he asked me how I was feeling, which he's never done before! (Probably because he was bored with being stuck in the house, but still!)

@CrazyGoatLady Well no it's obviously not about me, because the other poster's comments were in relation to her son's autism, nothing and nobody else.
My son is supported by a great team in a lovely supported living house, and as far as we can tell enjoys his life and is happy there. I'm totally aware of how lucky we are that we were in a position to be able to advocate and fight for him to receive funding for his education, and then adult support services.

@DietrichandDiMaggio yes I also realised how lucky I am that we have been able to advocate for our DCs' needs and pay to fill gaps where we needed. DS2 needed some OT and play therapy when he went through a difficult stage, for example. I'm glad you have what you need and your son is living the best life he can have.

Re the other poster's comment, she did say she hadn't worded it terribly well, and I also acknowledged she explained it wasn't her intention to portray autism as a negative thing. Things can be misinterpreted in texts, posts, etc, and usually that just gets cleared up. I think what bothered me was saying it made me feel better, because it really doesn't. My original intention was to convey to OP that autism doesn't have to mean she won't have a meaningful and loving relationship with her son, however he communicates.

Maybe I'm a bit oversensitive today because there really has been some awful stuff on here - autistic people are awful partners, never have a relationship with an autistic person, autistics shouldn't have children, etc - it's been a very grim day for autistic folks on this site. Thankfully the worst of it has been removed by the mods and hopefully the worst offenders are gone. Maybe some are just trolls coming to bait - but sadly there are some who genuinely think these hateful things.

Every child is different of course but my autistic son is 8 and the difference in his speech now compared to when he was 5 is huge. We have conversations. Fairly short ones I suppose but it's still great progress. You gotta focus on the good stuff as much as you can!

I work with autistic teens and young adults. So many of them mention they didn't start speaking until they were older, or I see this in their reports. I'm often surprised as I really wouldn't be able to tell! We have some great conversations, often interest led but that's great!

Definitely keep looking into gestalt language processing, it is so interesting. Libby Hill a speech and language therapist might be worth a follow on FB or Insta (Small Talk speech therapy). She also has a podcast now :)

Keep the faith :) Your little boy sounds bright and wonderful.