This had been building for years. Worse during pandemic, ignored it, had baby and now 3 years after that I finally left.
it was the gradual descent into 1970s sexism, the belittling, telling me not to talk, demanding food, getting cross when the food was “wrong”, angry I didn’t buy enough beer, angry because I didn’t do the domestic task in the way he wanted, getting irritated and hitting me like I am a horse he trained when I did something he didn’t like. Constant negativity. Picking on me. Making me feel bad. Didn’t have feelings for him. Not sure I ever did. Power imbalance. Age difference. A feeling he held me back for years to make me a convenient little wife.
it’s 3 days later now and I’m feeling great, if a little bit unhinged. We were together for over 10 years. I know that I have a lot to look forward to. And I’m feeling excitement about this! I’m a bit financially confused because we have so many shared possessions. I’m sure we will sort it out. You know the feeling when you don’t want to be a “wife” again? And instead you want something else? I’d been flirting with men for a few months anyway, and the catalyst was having a moment where a man who I found attractive seemed to flirt back… it’s slightly torturous thinking that now I might actually be able to act on this when before I just ignored my feelings and ignored other men. Torturous because i can feel again and i want some kind of relief from the tension! Aaah!
isn’t it great to be single????