Anxiety of driving alone is affecting my life

[irishchick93]

This sounds so silly.

I have 4 kids and 2 at school 2 at daycare 20minutes away. However I have always had my husband working at home since covid to either bring them to daycare or come with me while I bring them.
But due to circumstances and he's back at work I walk my older 2 to school but I just hate driving alone. I am anxious in general but not to the extent I would need medication or anything. Infact I just went to New York and had the time of my life. However i just have this fear of driving anywhere more than 5 minutes on my own. My 2 youngest have missed the past month at daycare and I've paid a fortune foe this while also trying to work from home and I really feel like I need a break now. They are due in for the next 3 days and I really need some advice to get me to get them there. (It's so bad I've even taken a neighbour with me to pretend I wanted to have a coffee with her)

When and why did this fear begin?

Hi. Thanks for reply. It sort of stemmed from one time my car broke down honestly about 7 or 8 years ago in a small back road and I had no signal and took what I assume was a panic attack. And I have never been the same since. I've had moments of bravery and I've just done it but generally I'll put it off.

How does this fear manifest itself? Is your reaction so strong that you can't just push through it and drive them anyway? If you can actually drive, I would go out at a time this evening when there is little traffic and drive around for a while, until you feel calmer and more confident about it. If you are having a full blown panic attack or similar, then I am not sure what you can do...

Do you have a sat nav you can put on so you have someone talking through the route even if you know it, it'll make you feel alone.

I think you are wrong about needing medication though. You might be fine travelling but for driving you clearly need it. Your DC may be under school age so it may not be too big a deal to miss nursery but it's ludicrous to lose that amount of money, and possibly your job for WFH with no childcare, just because you can't/won't drive. What would happen if your husband wasn't able to drive either? If he had an illness, accident or you just separated how would you cope then?

Prepare for what you can buy making sure you have breakdown cover and emergency supplies in the car, start off driving during daylight on frequented roads and then build up from there. No one is saying that you need to go straight out on a motorway, but you should get help before it impacts your whole life, or plan your life around you not driving.

I was like this.

A few sessions of hypnotherapy and a sat nav fixed it.

Avoidance exacerbates anxiety - not driving is in fact the absolute worst thing you can do. If you want to overcome this, you just need to keep driving alone.

Go for short drives on your own every day. Schedule it like a job. Early morning round the block, to the supermarket, whatever. No excuses.

OK, so when that incident happened it stuck in your subconscious mind as something to be avoided in the future, which is now trying to stop even the possibility of it happening again by triggering the fear of driving; it's a strategy to protect you but it's not very practical now.

You can counter this by talking to that bit of your mind (doing it silently is as effective as out loud and less embarrassing!) and telling it that you are in charge, nothing is going to happen and that the fear is not helping you. If it helps imagine this part to be a child who got a fright and needs a hug and reassurance.

Completely this. I’m not saying it will be easy, it may well be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done but you need to teach your nervous systems that there is nothing to be afraid of. Stick at it until you’re no longer scared.
Ive never had this but when I was much younger, I had an overwhelming fear of crowded places. Pubs, bars they would all cause me to have horrendous panic attacks and I would have to leave. So I got a job working behind one of the busiest bars in my city. The first few shifts were awful, then it got easier. Two decades on and I never had that fear again.
Would it help if you used this thread as a little diary of it? Post about your outings and get some cheerleading to spur you on?

Book a few refresher lessons. Try to find someone who advertises that they give them, so they will understand drivers who have lost their confidence.

Would you feel any better if you could call someone from the car for the first few journeys?

I used to be scared to drive anywhere new and NEVER on the motorway.

I would be full of anxiety to the point I would have stomach pains/stomach upset.
My husband always used to do the driving in these situations then we split up and my choice was to either deal with it or never go anywhere new or anywhere by motorway.

It's not been easy but the only way to get over this is to do it and keep doing it.