to loathe DH going to a stag do?

[lilQuidditchKel]

The idea of DH being totally drunk in the company of men he doesn't know well, or at all, doing whatever they can do to get the groom-to-be into the most embarrasing mess of his life, well, it just makes me nervous...

DH is a great DH. Not much of a tolerance for drink, but otherwise a dear man and father. We've been married nearly 4 years, have 2 kids, and I should probably just trust him completely and find that comforting enough.

However.

Aren't men just a bit weak when it comes to being drunk and presented with tempation in the form of hired women or girlie bars? Plus there's that seemingly universal pact all men on stag do's make: what happens on stag dos stays in the stag do? Or is it just my experience of prior men which makes me think all men on stag do's are doomed to do something stupid?

If I am BU, please tell me how you cope with this....thx

If he has never done anything to abuse your trust before - then where's the problem?

I agree though, it is nerve wracking watching partners going off on stag do's. Mine is off to Newcastle on a stag weekend in July and the thought of it brings me out in hives

Just think of it as any other night out with the lads.

The emphasis is always on the groom, getting him to do stupid stuff, very rarely the stags getting involved in it too.

The reality is, they'll probably spend most of the night in a lapdancing bar, oggling women they aren't allowed to touch. And then too busy making a twat of the groom to get up to anything else.

Can your husband trust you to go out for a dtink and not cop of with the nearest fit bloke? Are you completly trust worthy to never make a mistake?

Is the night definitely going to involve girly bars? I just ask because my husband has been on several stag dos and whilst drink has been consumed in epic quantities, none of them featured lapdancing etc. Lots of men find that a bit cheap and tacky nowadays.

If you know there will be scantily clad lovelies, then I don't think you're being unreasonable, I'd be a bit nervous too. But it sounds like you've got absolutely no reason to doubt your husband, and lapdancing places, for all the fake tan and exposed flesh, are probably the least sexy places on earth so I wouldn't have any worries on that score.

DH has only been on one away stag do, all other s were local and by all accounts they were all too drunk to impress the women so went back to the boarding house and messed about squeezng toothpast through each others door locks .

I must admit, like you I do sometimes have the 'well what if they get it on a plate' thoughts. But they always turn out to be ways far of the mark, and then I feel awful for thinking badly of my DH.

If your DH has never given you a reason to worry let him go. At worst you'll probably just be nursing him the next day, though his hangover - which is a great time to exact your revenge as well

Do you trust your DH?
If the answer is yes, then you are absolutely being unreasonable.
If the answer is No, then the stag do is a trigger, not a cause, and you need to deal with the mistrust.

IMHE - the married / attached blokes are too busy enjoying getting pissed and talking bollocks to each other on these things to take anything other than a marginal interest in the ladies / strip clubs etc etc.

my DH has been going to lots of these in the last few years and although he tells me there has been no lapdancing etc involved, would not be surprised if there has been. However, I trust him completely and have never been worried for an instant.

Do you have any reason not to trust your DH? Not all men are nasty cheating idiots completely led by their dicks (tho I agree a quick trawl through the "relationships" section of mn might make you think differently...) What experiences have you had in the past to make you mistrusting? is it the other guys who are going on the stag do who you are suspicious of?

My dh has just come back from a stag do weekend

His idea of fun was
Get pissed slept in the bath (it was closer than his bed??)
Got up played rugby with hangover then got pissed again.Slept on floor of bedroom.
This was classed a good stag do (these are men in their 30s and 40s)

Came home and is still getting over it
(its funny watching him pretending he`s o.k)

All they want is a good laugh and a catch up with their mates not going out copping off.

If they wanted to play away they don`t have to wait for the next stag do they can do it anytime
So enjoy your night with a nice bottle of wine and film or have some friends round and the next day have a good laugh at him feeling sorry for himself with the HANGOVER FROM HELL

thanks a mill, i really needed to hear some other views, so thanks for giving me yours.

to be fair to myself, i'm not male so comparing one of my nights out with the ladies is not quite the same as stag do, imho.

i do recognise that i have issues to begin with, due to previous experience. i've been subjected to some of men's worst in terms of lying, cheating, etc., and it is difficult to put aside. not impossible, but difficult.

i think it's just the classic stag do idea which i really find objectionable...trying to get the groom-to-be to be unfaithful, and then cover it all up with lies.

i shall endeavour to think nothing but pleasant thoughts whilst all this is going on and hope if DH is forced to sit in front of some naked ladies he thinks their boobs are too saggy

Message withdrawn

Oh, I dunno. My DH goes on about 3 a year! Latest one is in Spain, 20 of them going, bound to be raucous. I don't worry about it, just because life is too short to...

Also, agree with lapin. DH and most of his mates think strippers and tying people to lamposts etc is tacky - they don't even really go to nightclubs. They tend to go on bar/pub crawls, have dinner and then find a pub they can prop up the bar in all night. They often watch football [yawn emoticon]

Think you're being very unreasonable. Would you go and shag someone else just because you were on a hen night?

dh went on one in feb and they had a stripper, who dh said 'had nice tits' personally Ive seen the photos and either he was very drunk or mine are not what i see in the mirror

anyway, yeah most men have a stripper/go to a lapdancing club on a stag do. Dont you think these women have seen it all before. Ive been to a lapdancing club and there was certainly no touching of the women and they didnt want to be touched. Theyre not all nasty sluts dying to get their mits on a married man you know.

Let him go, then when one of your friends has a hen do, you can make the most of it.

thx again all

tho branflake & pantiesandsussies, I don't think a comparing a stag do to an ordinary girls' night out or hen do is fair because 1. I am not a man governed by same urges and 2. I don't go on hen dos. None of my married friends had them!

Have only read OP

But I would be furious if dp ever even implied that he felt anxious/uneasy/not happy/whatever about me going on a hen do

So think you're being a bit unreasonable, yes

It's a difficult call having heard your concerns but yes I think YA B a little bit U. I think if he's the man you describe you can trust him not to get involved in any misdemeanors.

My dh goes on a few every year with a group of mates usually in mid 30s to mid 40s. Their idea of "fun" isn't mine, they're all usually too trolleyed to remember anything bur most of the activity does seem to involve trying to get into bars that they're refused entry to, passing out on doorsteps peoples front gardens etc. and just general ridiculousness.

I've NEVER heard of the stag or anyone else getting in on with anyone, lap dancing club or not.

Agree with mosschops lap dancers are doing a job and very rarely cop off with clients. They're women who know how to make a living relatively easily by exploiting blokes weaknesses and best of luck to them I think if that's what they want to do.

i may have felt like this till i met my first lapdancer and we get on quite well now, she is the oldest daughter of a near by neighbour and comes to visit her mum every sunday for her roast dinner and brings a bunch of flowers with her (soooo not your typical image of a lapdancer)

anyway the more i talk to her the more i understand that there is a huge diffrence between a stripper and a prostitute, just because she takes her clothes of for a man it does not mean she is anyway turned on and wants to have sex with him, no matter how drunk he is and wants to get his leg over.

all she is bothered about is getting through her shift (like the rest of us) and get home. infact the more i think about it the more i realise that me being worried about dh copping of with a lapdancer is as likley as me copping of with one of the dads who do the drop of at my nursery.

liQuidditch, I really do sympathise with your concerns. When you've been badly treated in previous relationships it does leave a mark and make it harder to trust. Been there!

What I would say, it all depends on how you feel about your DH and whether he is a decent bloke (which he sounds from your OP). Do you have any real reason to worry about what he might do or are you just getting a bit panicky about what happens on stag nights? (Understandable IMO).

Don't let you imagination run away with you and imagine all sorts of awful things because you could just sit there wondering 'what if this happened, what if that happene etc' and getting yourself worked up when you just don't need to.

HTH.

YABU.

Let him be. If you don't, that is more likely to cause issues in your marriage.

I don't think OP is unreasonable to have concerns at She's not saying 'I won't let my DH go and that's that', is she? That would be unreasonable.

TBH I do wonder why people feel the need to pile into these threads and have a go. It ALWAYS ALWAYS happens on 'stag night/stripper' type threads.

Why the strong reaction?