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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asking fiancé to move

4 replies

SunshineLover34 · 14/10/2024 14:08

Hi,

I’m really looking for some advice.

I moved to Northern Ireland a few years ago when my fiancé wasn’t well. I’m originally from England, and my fiancé is from Northern Ireland. I’ve always wanted to move back to England, but my fiancé has been hesitant because their family is here, which I understand.

We had planned to move back, but then I found out I was pregnant. After our baby was born, we agreed to move to England for a while, giving us time to settle in with the baby and save up some funds. I started feeling more settled here, though, so we stayed, and I didn’t bring it up again.

Recently, my grandfather passed away, and my dad’s health has been declining. Most of my fiancé’s family has moved to England for work or university, except for his father who is still here. I work remotely, and my fiancé isn’t happy in his job. Our child is still in daycare, with over a year left before nursery.

I feel like I missed out on time with my grandfather in his last years, and now with my dad’s health worsening, I’m really missing home. Moving back to England would also put us in a better financial position, as daycare is subsidized, and we’d have more family support.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask if we could move for a period. It would give us time to save and allow me to support my family.

What do you think?

I can’t see any con - we can save more, I can support my family and majority of their family is there already. I feel I’m never supported fully and this would mean the world to me.

OP posts:
GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 14/10/2024 14:10

It's certainly worth a conversation.

Why do you feel you might be unreasonable? Do you have a gut feeling that your fiancé isn't going to like the idea?

SunshineLover34 · 14/10/2024 14:13

to be honest, I think I’m just scared of his reaction. just that it will blow up into an argument. so yeah, I don’t think he will because it’s different to what we currently have but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. we’ve only his dad here for support, in England we would have my mum and three sisters.

OP posts:
SunshineLover34 · 14/10/2024 14:51

To add some context: we only visit my family twice a year and spend every Christmas with his family.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 14/10/2024 14:53

He should be kind to you about this. You moved for him. Now he owes you a move.

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