To find 'banter' annoying and exhausting

[Autumnlovelove]

My partner and i have children together.

I find his 'banter' utterly annoying and exhausting. He does it especially with the kids that usually ends up in an argument.

E.g he will see a pig or any animal on tv. Oh theres you Lucy (name changed) he will say to our 13 year old.
She will then respond with well theres you when another animal comes on. Then the other children get involved and one will say 'oh look there is a pig sty just like your room'.
Then it gets into 'my room is tidy unlike yours
Which smells'

Another child will say ' no you smell blah blah' and goes into a full blown argument.

I have spoke to the children countless times about being kind to each other and using kind words.

I have also spoken countless times to my partner about what he is trying to achieve when he starts this 'banter'. Its just a 'joke' he says.

I've explained to him im exhausted with his 'jokes and that it always leads to arguments with the kids.
The kids have now started these ' joke' type conversations with each other and also friends. It comes across rude.

Im really fed up with it all and just want simple easy conversations without 'the banter'.

Banter is just being horrible and then laughing. It's such a huge part of British male culture and it's a shame.

Any man calling his teenaged daughter a pig is vile, even if he laughs afterwards.

Bullies often operate under the excuse of...its just banter

I put in firmly in the same camp as pranks. Only funner to the pranker, not the "prankee".

But, of course, I'm just uptight and had a sense of humour bypass after having children... 😉

LTB

This!

'Just take a joke! Its funny. The kids are laughing. It's funny isn't it kids? 🙄

I’m a teacher. Every playground bully says "I was only joking! Can’t you take a joke?"

Its only funny if both sides find it funny.

100% true

That so true. I dont want my children to think that they have to use 'banter' to communicate and be accepted by other friends.

Ugh. An idiot is trying to raise his children to be idiots, like him. I have no idea how you'd stop it though.

"Shut up you bunch of fucking idiots" probably won't help

I’m with you this banter crap.
Never a truer word said in jest … is another way lookung at it… that is why it’s not funny. It’s a passive aggressive way of talking.
I was going to say this childish but that’s an insult to children. It’s bully mentality.

In this case, both sides are finding it funny. It's the onlooker who isn't,

Some families express affection through teasing. It sounds as if OP's partner is from one of these families, and OP isn't. Makes life difficult.

It would be easier if everyone felt able to to express affection verbally or through hugs etc, but we're not at that stage yet. Especially when it comes to social groups.

Totally agree - I hate banter and pranks. At least nowadays I'm not accused of having no sense of humour or being a boring old fart, as used to be the case.

I can't think of a single woman who does this - always men.

The kind of stuff the OP is describing would exhaust me.

'It's not a joke if only one person is laughing'
Try teaching your kids to say this and recognise when they are being teased. Your partner is emotionally immature but that doesn't need to be passed on to your children.

It sounds like this is just his personality, so good luck changing him.

Obviously your DC are going to develop a similar 'sense of humour' if that's what they're constantly exposed to - there's not much you can do about it now, IMO, as you've already had children with him.

Just enjoy the bantz, I guess?

I'm going to disagree and say that learning to navigate this kind of behaviour at home is important to install an amount of resilience in children. They'll have it said to them at school and learning how to respond is a good thing in my experience.

Yes! "Shut up Dad, did you mean to sound like a thick twat?!"

That’s not banter , it is slowly grinding down your kids self esteem.

I love banter and wit, it is hilarious. Comedians get banter right, funny people get banter right, lots of people are just cruel and cannot do banter. None of what you describe is banter clearly your partner doesn’t know the difference.

I hate banter. I’m uptight and boring too. Don’t have the energy or headspace for it.

Ugh. Good banter is witty.
What you're describing is relentless boorish predictable insults.
So if that's banter then it is awful.

How do you propose is best to 'navigate' this behaviour?

It's emotionally stunted. Which is why more men than women do it, they are socialised to be emotionally stunted. And it's teaching his children to be emotionally stunted too.

Many men believe they are protecting their children from teasing and bullying by doing this at home. How you actually do that is to instill a firm sense of self, good confidence, assertiveness and love. Which doesn't come from calling your teen daughter a pig.

OP was he bullied at school?