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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is something more serious than anxiety?

30 replies

MajorUrsa · 14/10/2024 01:56

Posting for traffic mostly, I hope that is ok.

Around the age of 18 onwards, maybe once a year my younger brother (now aged 27) would get anxious about something seemingly miniscule for about a week or so and then be generally ok. We (me and my other brother and mum) would always be there to calm him down or be available any time of day or night if wanted to speak it through.
His pattern of thought is as follows:

  1. Something happens to trigger it eg. thinking he's driven through a red light and not amber
  2. He will get fined or taken to court
  3. He will go to prison
  4. His reputation and career will be ruined and will struggle for money.

However, my brother has always been a good student, straight As, good degree from reputed university and now has a well paid City job where he seems to be doing well (promotions and bonuses etc) and isn't the shady type or someone who has ever gotten into any type of trouble. His friends are all similar (studious and in good professions). To his bosses or anyone who isn't immediate family, he seems like a successful, happy, sporty guy.

His triggers have included a typo in his coursework and he got so paranoid he spoke to his tutor after handing it in. Tutor of course said it was nothing but then he got worried his degree would be rescinded a year after graduation!

And to come to his most recent anxieties. Over the last few years, every now and again he gets worried someone is hacking him. If his phone so much as heats up, he thinks that is a sign that a hacker is using his phone remotely.. lately he has been nervous about delivery men, the front door being open longer than it should be. Today he went out and bought a new laptop and phone in case his current ones have been hacked. He says he feels scared all the time that something bad is going to happen. He doesn't know the reason. Today he said he felt like he was being watched. He cried because he was so scared. I felt completely useless as nothing we said to make him see a rational perspective was helping. It feels like more and more this isn't anxiety but maybe some kind of paranoia?

It's less anxiety and more fear it seems.

Not a big drinker and no drug use.

Does this sound like a pattern of behaviour or thinking familiar to anyone? Is there anything that helps ease the fear or anxiety?

OP posts:
Seagall · 14/10/2024 08:53

Hi op, I'm a therapist and I'd say from what you've written this is a form of OCD. I can recommend therapy! And some people react really well to medication. Good luck.

standardduck · 14/10/2024 08:54

As PPs have said, this sound like intrusive thoughts caused by OCD. Looked it up, you'll find lots of information.

He needs a good therapist who is experienced in dealing with OCD and if it's severe enough, he might need a medication as well.

P1550FF · 14/10/2024 09:27

Poor guy. He may be unable to cope with his current lifestyle i.e. good (high pressured?) job with potential social pressure?
It sounds like OCD which is exacerbated by stress. He also sounds like he ay be a bit of a perfectionist and very hard on himself.
I would recommend reduction in any caffeine to begin with as it can exacerbate OCD and maybe speak to him about whether his career is making him happy and can he cope with it.

itwasnevermine · 14/10/2024 09:38

I'm the same as your brother. It's just anxiety.

DespairCalling · 14/10/2024 12:13

As he has a good job, he probably has PMI as part of his package so he should be able to access good private care quickly (psychiatrist first and then therapy or inpatient treatment if appropriate). Good luck.

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