Should I send my children to school?

[Seebee13]

I wanted to know people’s thoughts. I have 3 children 13,11 and 7 all struggle with behaviour at school for a number of reasons. I’m going in for surgery tomorrow and have been debating whether to let them stay at home. This is due to knowing they will worry and I think will have a negative impact at school. But then if I send them in it may take their minds off it. What do you think?

It so hard when you have ND kids who are struggling at a school where they don't fit in. I wouldn't send them in if the school is not supportive and you have someone who can look after them. My only concern would be it might be difficult to get them back in - if you think that might be an issue then you probably need to send them in.

They presumably will be able to tell OP has had something done and it makes sense to prepare them. Why judge OPs parenting? You have no clue what her autistic children's requirements are.

Gosh my dc know all my surgeries. I've had 4 major joint replacements in recent years. It wouldn't even cross my mind not to tell them

You know them best , if you think they will cope then send them buy if you think that school will be too much then keep them at home. If you do send them I wouldn't have somebody on standby ready to collect them if needed.

I sent mine in (2 with asd) when I had surgery due to routine. The first time I nearly died, became disabled and spent a month in hospital. The next two were as planned. Each time dc were on a need to know basis (you can't hide everything), the school were informed and the dc supported (especially last two times).
School noted a change in all dc, and a reduction in work/grades those times (dc3 has only ever not got 10/10 in a spelling test 3 times (all when I was in hospital).
I did contemplate if I was doing the right thing however routine was going to be what helped them (and those that were caring for them while I was gone).
Actually was discussing that time with dc1 last week (whose training to be a nurse) as an adult dc1 says he had no idea of most of what was going on when he was a child and thought that the routine of going to school probably helped and understands why I sent him to school.
However I do think it depends on where the dc are going to get the most support (along with keeping to routine as much as possible).

Why wouldn't she tell them? At the beginning of my third pregnancy I was in and out of hospital a lot.
When we finally told our children my eldest cried because she thought I was going to tell her I had stomach cancer (her grandad died from that). I should have been honest from the start.
I'd send them in as long as school is aware and they will support your kids if need be.

Also why did you let them know your having surgery? They are children, they shouldn't be exposed to that sort of worry.

What a bizarre comment. Wouldn't they be more freaked out if they suddenly came home and Mum wasn't there but in hospital. Better to explain things in an age-appropriate way and prepare them, surely??

Of course they should go to school. Too many people keep their kids home for the silliest reasons, for instance birthdays and shopping.

I have to prepare my autistic child every time I’m leaving the house without him. Usually plenty of time in advance for him to process it. If I didn’t tell him I was having surgery and he came home and I wasn’t there he would automatically jump to thinking I’d left forever.

I let them know because they knew I have been very ill for a couple year and been in and out of hospital with issues. Which has worried them greatly. Image if I died during surgery or having to explain why this week I’ve not been home for 3 days and then why I’ve been back to hospital every day since. I am open with my children because they are not stupid and they pick up on everything. Me and their dad (my husband) had to make plans and tried to play down how serious it was and how scared we both were. No matter how much you play it down they can pick it up and it wouldn’t be fair on them.