When did you have a children

[Weddingexitement]

When did you feel ready to start a family? Did you feel ready in all ways?

How financially ready were you before trying?

we are just trying to plan but feel like we will never be financially ready

I got married at 26 and had never really been bothered by having children until I turned 27. We tried for 2 years without success so had some help from the hospital's fertility team (diagnosed with PCOS). I had my DD at 30 and DS at 33. DS was a surprise but we did want a second child. Financially we weren't ready but we managed. We rent and I work f/t. My DH was working p/t but has just recently moved to f/t now the DC are a little older and go to school/nursery.

First was a bit of a happy accident although wouldn't have been far off trying to start a family but we were in the midst of a large house renovation, so 31 when DD1 was born and 35 with my second. I felt emotionally ready for the change of family life and financially with both took the full year.

Husband and I had been together 8 years with our first and married for 3, had a house, stable jobs and backing behind us. I grew up with young parents and an immature dad so stability was the most important aspect for me. I don't think there is a blanket right or wrong time though for kids and it depends on relationship dynamics, financial security and lots of other aspects.

Not your thread then is it.

Bit sick of your constant harping on about being childless on every single thread, appropriate or not. Its boring.

We were married, owned a 3 bed house, not much savings but felt like we'd got the main things sorted and we were in our late 20s.

26, married at 22 and both had jobs (not great pay but clear progression) plus house (with mortgage). I’m 42 now and very happy with the choice. I was broody and felt ready (as much as any parent can be).

I was a young student and it was a complete accident. We managed while studying and then once we had finished studying, had settled into careers and were in a better financial position, we had DC2.

👏 for you. I’m sure @Notamum12345577 is as happy with her situation as you are with yours.

We were married, had a house, had emergency savings and were able to put £1k + into savings a month above our emergency savings, which made us feel we wouldn't need to alter our lifestyle too significantly when having children (accounting for around £1k for nursery a month!). We are very frugal in general though and don't spend above our means, go without a lot to save for house, emergency savings and then holidays.
Emotionally/relationship wise though, we were not ready as early as we expected, thought we would have a child about 2 years earlier than we did, but partly because we'd only known each other just over 2 years when we married, we didn't have our daughter until we were married 5 years. Covid definitely impacted though, our mental health took a hit, we took it out on each other, but then worked through it and came out the other side stronger.
Having a kid is really hard though, the first year to 18 months were tough and affected our relationship in a big way. We're through the worst now though and happy.
You'll never be 100% ready in every way, there will never be the perfect time.
If finances are a big worry then cost out the hit to your income from maternity leave, nursery etc and consider where you would find that money if not readily available in your finances now.
Are you okay with second hand? We bought everything except car seats used for our baby which saved us thousands.
If relying on family for childcare, consider having a back up financially in case the relationship sours and you need to move to nursery/childminder.
Are you married/do you share finances? Are you going to both take the hit jointly with maternity pay? I see it so often on here when the mums income goes down because of maternity leave/going back to work part time but they contribute to the family pot to the same extent whilst also buying most of the kids stuff, because they're the ones organising it and it just seems to disadvantage mums financially far more than the dads.

Late 30s, not by choice! I would have had them ten years earlier and had more, but life didn't happen that way... Mr Goosey didn't come in to my life until I was well into my 30s. The vast majority of my friendship group married early 30s and started families soon after. Remarkably out of seven of us, only one had difficulties TTC, the rest of us got pregnant v quickly. Six out of seven couples married first, all were on the property ladder.

We were not financially ready and sometimes you might be waiting forever.

Had children in our early thirties (for me) late thirties for DH. It was the right time for us but I can see the advantages of having them when younger.

33 for first dc. Was very important for us to have a home, be very financially independent as well and want to give our dc a lot rather than just scrape by. Dh and I had tough upbringings so really wanted different for dc.

I never had children, I just didn’t want that kind of life.

I was 39 when I had my first and 40 with
my second. I would have had kids earlier for sure, at 32 if I could (when I felt ready), but I had breast cancer so everything slid. Now I just think it’s a miracle I managed to have any.

I was 27 with my first. I think that was the right time for me. I had energy and managed to keep on top of everything.

We had a small house with 2 bedrooms and probably earned around 50k between us, but we definitely had enough money to support a child.

I am not getting the point of child free comments on here. 😂 Like me commenting on a thread about owning a dog when I have a cat.

I had my DS at 21 and was a single mum. It was great we grew up together and we're best friends. He's in his 40's now.
We both went to uni at the same time and are professionals now and we both own our own homes. So not all single parents are poor and on benefits.
When I was young I had tons of energy and we just did whatever we fancied doing.

@IVFmumoftwo you get plenty of comments from people who don’t liek dogs on dog threads. It’s very odd and sad

1st was a happy accident but I continued my studies and went to uni at 19. Second was planned at 25 and went back to work 30 hours. Was hard work but I don't regret it one bit.

Eldest graduated 2 years ago and youngest is in uni. Only regret was not buying a house as I'm still in rented accommodation (social housing). Not on a great salary (43k) and dp on 35k, but we do okay.

Ive friends who are better off and ones who are worse off despite waiitng. I also have friends who waited and had or are having trouble conceiving. So I don't think there's always a 'right time'.

We had a decent house deposit saved up when we decided to start trying, wagering that by the time a baby arrived we'd have been able to buy a property. We both had good careers and incomes and some savings, and a happy stable relationship.

I was on a bit of a time crunch due to health issues so we TTC at 31 as I was reluctant to wait much longer health-wise. I'd have been worried leaving it much later as I had issues that made me medically speaking sub fertile.

People are quick to say that you're never ready for kids so go for it, but interestingly those people are often the ones with a safety net. Either family who will swoop in and give money or offer a place to live or free childcare, or benefits to keep them afloat. Funnily enough being a parent doesn't stop you from being fired or becoming bankrupt.

There are definitely wrong times to have kids, and right times. You owe it to your future child to ensure you're prepared for them the best you can.

My son was born when I was 21. He was the result of marital rape. I considered termination but my mother, who had never been very keen on my husband, said not to. Emotionally, practically and financially, she helped me a great deal and my son and I were very grateful. Husband descended into alcoholism, hiding empty bottles in all sorts of odd places. He then declared that he was bisexual and insisted that his boyfriends would stay over in the spare room. I filed for divorce, which took a long time to finalise. He went, and I sold the house, and gave him half the proceeds. My mother did a lot of free childcare when I went back to work part-time. Son now early middle-age and has three lovely children of his own. Stable marriage and children doing very well.
Couldn't have done it without my mother's support and guidance. Son's father now deceased due to a sudden heart attack.

SPOT ON! Irrespective of my circumstances, the majority of my friends and family didn't have what many people on this thread appear to have had.
That said, they eventually did. So I agree with previous post. And for most people, the bits of the jigshaw eventually all come together

I was 26 when I had DD - she was the only successful pregnancy after a long line of miscarriages. We weren't ready at all, DH had just finished uni after going as an adult, I was still at uni and had to defer a year, we hadn't bought a house, didn't have decent or stable jobs and weren't married. It was hard but we made it work. Fast forward 8 years, we're married, we own a house and we have good stable jobs.

Glad that has worked out for you but important that young single parenthood isn't presented through rose tinted glasses. I had my child at 19 and found single parenting really lonely and hard. If you have family support, it makes all the difference.
I always worked (no benefits) and trained in a profession and bought my own home.

I had my first baby at 31. Boyfriend- now DH- was 35. We both were in full-time employment and owned a flat each. We didn’t live together until the baby arrived. We didn’t think about finances at all really, except for selling both our flats to buy a house. I had six months’ maternity leave, six weeks on full pay, and rest statutory maternity pay of £50 a week! This was the late ‘90s.