Was she being unreasonable

[itsacabsauv]

I was out last night. I'm
50. My daughter is 20. My daughter and I were chatting. A man my age came up
To us who I know remotely . He put his arms around us and said how are ye doing tonight . My daughter froze and stared him dead in the face and said.. take Your hands off me Right now.
I was taken aback. He meant no harm but again my
Daughter didn't know him. My friends were shocked at her response . Was she being unreasonable, in your opinion ?

This! It's great that women are learning they don't have to put up with this shit. He may have meant no harm but it's not ok to touch people without their consent.

Good on her, I wouldn't want a random man's arm around me either and he'd be lucky not to get a sharp shove.

You and your friends are unreasonable. Your DD is lucky to have learnt to stand up for herself when it comes to entitled men, a lesson she must have got elsewhere.

I hope my daughters do exactly the same if the situation ever arises, well done her 👏👏👏👏

daughter is not at all unreasonable.

Your friends and man friend definitely are though

Good on her. Your friends are clearly as conditioned as you are to accept shit like this. I’m interested in the discussion after, I hope she has not been made to feel unreasonable from you/your friends.

Well done to her.
What happened next, you said your friends were shocked, how did you react?

I was shocked , surprised but very very proud .
A new generation will hopefully sort this .

Why do you think she was out of order? Do you think she should have kept quiet like a good girl? How far does this go, does she keep quiet when she's being assaulted further, is there a limit?

my eldest daughter would have absolutely reacted the same, my younger daughter would have absolutely recoiled in disgust and moved away. Both in their early twenties. I wish I had the confidence they have back when I was their age.

I’m your age and I’d be appalled if someone I don’t know put their arm around me. I very much object to being grabbed/touched by unknown people. Of course she’s not unreasonable. Gone are the days when ‘aunties and uncles’ ie friends of your parents could demand cuddles.

@BloodOfTheRaven read the post

I can understand that you'd be surprised as we were brought up to always be nice and polite pretty much regardless of the situation however younger ones have been taught different standards and this is a good thing. It is probably a worthwhile lesson for your friend/ acquaintance as he hopefully will realise this isn't acceptable and not do it again to other girls.. It really isn't okay for men to do that.

She sounds awesome! 🤩

If you think how he acted wasn't so bad, but your daughter obviously did, that's the generation gap in full flow. The man comes from a generation where women were expected to put up with a certain level of touching, so maybe he sees nothing wrong with it. You don't see it, as from a generation where you were conditioned to accept it. Subsequent generations have been taught that its out of order without prior permission, particularly from a stranger.
He made a bad judgement call in the moment. I'd guess being out involved some alcohol consumption which affected his poor judgement.
As you see nothing wrong with it, also maybe as you know him. What do you think of a middle-aged man who goes up to 2 20 year old women who don't know him and put his arms around them - creep, comes to mind.

The sooner men learn that if they don’t want to be shouted at by women they should check if their advances are welcome and not presume. I was in a pub having a deep conversation with my sister and a random older broke touched me on the shoulder and startled me. I am proud to say I made a loud fuss and he retreated with hands in the air.

Why didn't you mention you were 'very very proud' in your OP?

Seems like the replies have swayed you?

Nope, good for her. Just another man who thinks it's ok to put his hands on a female coz he's 'friendly' or 'just being nice' or 'knows her mum'
Respect your daughter for standing up for herself.

The replies haven't
Swayed me at all I have never been in that situation with my
Daughter or a woman her own age . I wanted your thoughts .I am
Immensely proud of her .

Did you defend her to your friends?

good on her
all females should act that way
men's entitled behaviour will stop then

your age group were conditioned to think its acceptable behaviour and to "put up with it" this is why men got away with it

in her age group bracket girls have not been brought up or conditioned that way

he could have greeted you both friendly with out physical unwanted touch

No. That shit isn't acceptable these days and rightly so.

I couldn't get worked up about a man doing this, in a situation where you obviously knew him. I dont think it's the crime that MNers make it out to be. But each to their own.

This shows a difference between the younger generation and us. Now I know many of you 40+ might say you'd do the same, but I just think in general we accepted this because we got used to it so much when we were younger. As much as how many criticise the younger generation as screen zombies who can't socialise or are disrespectful or how much better it was 'in our day', the youngsters are much more savvy as to what are boundaries and what isn't acceptable.

Good for her! No one needs to tolerate this handsy nonsense anymore.