Anyone else felt like they will have a breakdown?

[Verytiredmumofone]

Just wondered if anyone else has ever felt like this with toddler.
I have a 21 month old daughter. It's been an incredibly stressful weekend, she was constipated, then got a fissure and was afraid to go to the toilet, then we increased her movicol, now she's runny but still crying everytime she poops. The entire ordeal has been very stressful. Random tantrums and general toddler hardships. Random unexplained crying fits where she seems in extreme pain and holding her private parts which made me think it was infection or linked to her poop issues. This evening jn the bath, she swallowed lots of water and then threw up 3 times. Again... incredibly stressful.
Sorry for the ramble. I feel like all I do is switch between extreme stress where I'm in fight/flight mode, or just generally stressing about my toddler. For example, "has she eaten enough? What can I make her for lunch? Dinner? Why has she eaten nothing for dinner? Does it mean she'll be up hungry through night? I Need to to her milk at 6 before bathtime, why hasn't she pooped today? Has she drank enough, am I playing with her enough? What do i cook for my tea? How the hell do i cook with a tired clingy toddler. Etc"
I feel utterly exhausted, useless, defeated and drained. I'm at the end of my limit and I worry I'll have a breakdown. When it's really bad, I feel like everyone would be better with me gone. I flipped out the other day and screamed. There was poop all over the carpet and my toddler was fighting me when i was trhing to wipe her bum and her hands were going in it and omg i just didnt knkw what to do. I feel trapped in an eternal loop of stress with no way out because I have to stay and constantly make sure my daughter is healthy and happy and thriving. To top it off, we had a miscarriage last month and we wanted to start trying straight away again but I fear I will not cope with a newborn on top of all of this.

Sorry for the ramble. I just feel hopeless.

I’m not bloody surprised you feel like this, you’re having an absolute mare of a time. And if you need a ramble, then you ramble away. You’ve got nothing to apologise for.

Firstly, nobody would be better off without you there. This isn’t you talking. It’s the stress and worry and grief and probably still upset hormones that are making you feel like that. I think you need to have a chat with your GP. You might need some medication or even just a chat with someone who understands what you’re going through. Could it be post natal depression? Or being at the end of your tether because you’ve got no support. You need to prioritise yourself, even if only for the 20 minutes it takes to speak to a dr, because something has to give here, and it can’t be you.

Secondly, where is her dad in all of this? It doesn’t matter if he’s at work for 12 hours a day; he still needs to pull his weight. Even if it’s him being at her head end, holding her hands and distracting her while you’re changing her nappy, or taking her so you can go & have a bath or a nap. I’m not surprised you’re worrying about trying again. If he isn’t supportive with one child, will he be better with two? For what it’s worth, I found keeping a big towel rolled up with the nappies and baby wipes was really helpful. Any poos and he went straight on the towel, which stopped any mess getting on the carpet or sofa, and then that can go straight in the wash. And if he started getting a bit fidgety I’d give him the baby wipes to play with. Rather ten wasted baby wipes than poo handprints.

What other support do you have? Do you have any mum friends with toddlers the same age? Or a bit older, so they can reassure you you’re doing just fine. What about grandparents?

Yes when my daughter went through constipation for the first time when she was around 2 it was the most stressful thing we've been through (in terms of her health). She was in excruciating pain trying to pass. We were only given lactulose and suppositories at the time that didn't really work. She was screaming and clenching with pain, she would break out in a sweat, shaking. It was horrific to witness.

I fully empathise with how horrible and stressful it really is and I couldn't have got through that alone. My partner was a huge help as I found it so hard to see her in so much pain So he would take over and hold her when she was screaming in pain. But yes it sounds like you are burnt out and in survival mode and need to look after yourself now. I'm on sertaline for depression and anxiety and it's very effective if that's something you would consider? Does your partner know how you're feeling? You need some support. Is your dd in nursery?

Thank you so much for your message. Sorry my reply is late, she has started waking crying every couple hours with possible teething so life is even more terrible!
I am pretty sure i had pnd after giving birtth, so it could still be this or just at end of tether. I guess I feel like no matter how hard I'm trying to stay on top of everything, and to keep my daughter happy and safe, I feel like I'm just constantly drowning. I'm trying to stay afloat but I'm getting further from the surface. Did you ever feel like this?

My husband is pretty good, he helps during evenings when back from work, he sometimes works away though which does tip me over the edge. He works on our house a lot during weekends which does then leave me with childcare but he tries to make plans for us as a family too.
My mum friends all seem to have easier toddlers that sleep really brillaintly. It's infuriating. They all nap for a couple hours a day, then sleep well at night. I can't help but feel like "why me?" Mine will not nap at all and sleeps like crap!
Maybe I just need a break from her every now and then!

Thank you for your message. Sorry for the late reply, she's been waking every couple hours with teething pain so I've been exhausted.

That sounds awful, it is so stressful when they are in pain! I then get so stressed about whether she's had enough fibre, water, exercise, what else could I have done to prevent it!? I feel like a failure sometimes. I think i will have a chat with my GP because sometimes I just want to escape and run away.
I've explained it to him tonight properly, he's somewhat understanding and he has now agreed that now is not the best time to try for another baby. He works away sometimes which I really struggle to cope with though. When does life get easier?
Movicol has softend the poo but she still cries every time and tries to hold it in. I don't know what to do. She's not at nursery because for the 9ish hours a week that I work, my mum and MiL have her.

Maybe try not giving her milk - it's constipating and often fills up small kids so they won't eat.