Boyfriend checking out other women

BeOpenRoseShaker · 2024-10-13T17:46:58+00:00

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years now yesterday he did something that is playing on my mind. We was going somewhere i was dressed up and he never noticed or paid any compliment on the way was two pretty women in a car next to us and he was literally staring at them wasn’t even subtle.. I haven’t said anything but it’s made me feel so crap. He has checked out other women before but hasn’t bothered me as it’s normal to look at attractive people but yesterday just took the p… should I bring it up or just leave it

T1Dmama · 13/10/2024 18:51

ask him about it now and he’ll probably has light you. be prepared with your responses!
I’d have said at the time ‘shall I drop you off so you can go out with them instead?!’ Or ‘shall I ask them for their numbers for you?!’

Lifeisarealchallenge · 13/10/2024 20:06

If he regularly checks out other women, even when you are with him, and makes it so obvious that you see him doing it then he is being very disrespectful to you.

And if he is like that when you are with him then what on earth is he like when you aren't?

This is the type of man he is.

I don't think speaking to him about it will do any good whatsoever. He will probably deny that he is doing it and he won't change.

I think you have to decide if you are willing to put with him ogling other women or whether to ditch him.

There are better men out there who actually appreciate the woman they are with and don't spend their time window shopping all the other females.

IWishIHadATimeMachine · 13/10/2024 20:11

I dated a man who did this. It wasn't discreet, it was very obvious. Some times he would turn his head all the way round. When I brought it up he sort of denied it and then said nobody had ever minded before or brought it up.

Same man also cheated on me. His neighbour told me another women was staying over at his flat when I wasn't there. He denied that too!

It all just made me feel horrible about myself. Don't mind a discreet look occassionally but for god sakes try and be discreet and have some manners.

If he normally does not do this and has just gotten carried away once I'd probably let it go. If it's all the time I'd probably say something but be prepared for him to deny it.

Jaynexxx · 03/09/2025 11:58

I’m putting up with the same thing and I’m fed up. He blames me instead for being insecure instead of acknowledging his behaviour. But he has his parents defending him saying that this is normal for men and that it’s me that needs help if I’m so insecure 😂

QuaintPearlScroller · 04/09/2025 11:54

I wouldn’t put up with this at all I would be dumping him not all men do this either

QuaintPearlScroller · 04/09/2025 11:55

Jaynexxx · 03/09/2025 11:58

I’m putting up with the same thing and I’m fed up. He blames me instead for being insecure instead of acknowledging his behaviour. But he has his parents defending him saying that this is normal for men and that it’s me that needs help if I’m so insecure 😂

They really don’t all do it I wouldn’t put up with it that’s for sure dump him I would

pinenuts75 · 04/09/2025 12:02

About 2 months ago I met someone online we had a few dates, but I noticed every time we went anywhere, he would letch at young girls, it was awful and I couldn’t carry on seeing him because of it, we weren’t in a relationship but I had a good think of what things would be like if we did get together, I wasn’t prepared to put up with it, so I just told him we weren’t compatible, he was 51 by the way, I felt sorry for the young girls it was very disrespectful towards them.

arcticpandas · 04/09/2025 12:13

Start doing the same thing yourself. Some people are so thick they don't understand that something is disrespectful until it's done to them. That is if you want to stay with him. Without kids I wouldn't bother to teach someone about respect. Most men I know do not do this, atleast not when in relationships.

seasid · 04/09/2025 12:22

I don’t see an issue with looking at other people you find attractive, it’s human nature and if there’s no intent to act and it’s literally just looking - that’s fine in my opinion. The issue here is him openly being attracted to other people but not commenting on the way you look. But I will say, how do you know he didn’t check you out when you wasn’t looking? Sure, he could say something - but you have no idea the way he’s thinking in his head about you. I would open up to him though, that’s key in a relationship to open up to the way you’re feeling. He may say exactly what I said, that he was checking you out but you didn’t notice.

i will also say, why is it always the man that has to compliment the women. do you comment on his appearance when he looks nice and tell him he looks attractive?

Petitchat · 05/09/2025 00:55

seasid · 04/09/2025 12:22

I don’t see an issue with looking at other people you find attractive, it’s human nature and if there’s no intent to act and it’s literally just looking - that’s fine in my opinion. The issue here is him openly being attracted to other people but not commenting on the way you look. But I will say, how do you know he didn’t check you out when you wasn’t looking? Sure, he could say something - but you have no idea the way he’s thinking in his head about you. I would open up to him though, that’s key in a relationship to open up to the way you’re feeling. He may say exactly what I said, that he was checking you out but you didn’t notice.

i will also say, why is it always the man that has to compliment the women. do you comment on his appearance when he looks nice and tell him he looks attractive?

With all due respect, what a load of old codswallop.......

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/09/2025 01:39

seasid · 04/09/2025 12:22

I don’t see an issue with looking at other people you find attractive, it’s human nature and if there’s no intent to act and it’s literally just looking - that’s fine in my opinion. The issue here is him openly being attracted to other people but not commenting on the way you look. But I will say, how do you know he didn’t check you out when you wasn’t looking? Sure, he could say something - but you have no idea the way he’s thinking in his head about you. I would open up to him though, that’s key in a relationship to open up to the way you’re feeling. He may say exactly what I said, that he was checking you out but you didn’t notice.

i will also say, why is it always the man that has to compliment the women. do you comment on his appearance when he looks nice and tell him he looks attractive?

Cobblers. I tell DH he’s gorgeous all the time.

We went away recently to somewhere everyone is wearing next to nothing. Full of gorgeous women. He wasn’t letching.

We train women to accept absolute shit. OP, just dump him, he makes you feel bad.

Mistyglade · 05/09/2025 02:06

An old ex used to do it consistently and it wasn’t until I grew up a bit I realised it was a tool he used to belittle me and feed my insecurities the horrible bastard.

OriginalUsername2 · 05/09/2025 02:43

Just call it out at the time but do it with sass not upset. Something like “Oi, you! Attention on me please.” phrased however works for you. If he doesn’t learn, bin him off, of course.

thebabayaga2025 · 05/09/2025 02:50

Women notice attractive men ALL THE TIME and are almost never creepy or disrespectful or gross about it. Most men choose not to be disrespectful gross or creepy most of the time.

Unless he has brain damage he is perfectly capable of noticing and behaving normally rather than leering/gawping/staring.

I guarantee, if he was likely to get a punch in the mouth by a man he would never behave like this. It's so weird how men can pretty much ALWAYS reign themselves in when there are real genuine consequences for them. He knows you'll tolerate it, and even if you say something he'll just shout you down and you'll keep putting up with it anyway.

It's a choice and he's being a cunt.

whoboo · 05/09/2025 03:08

He's a creepy minger. Disrespectful when anyone does that, you can glance without making it obvious.

Petitchat · 05/09/2025 11:19

OriginalUsername2 · 05/09/2025 02:43

Just call it out at the time but do it with sass not upset. Something like “Oi, you! Attention on me please.” phrased however works for you. If he doesn’t learn, bin him off, of course.

Edited

No, I don't think women should be responsible for telling men where NOT to look.
A decent man knows what's appropriate and respectful, himself.

Jaynexxx · 07/09/2025 07:15

pinenuts75 · 04/09/2025 12:02

About 2 months ago I met someone online we had a few dates, but I noticed every time we went anywhere, he would letch at young girls, it was awful and I couldn’t carry on seeing him because of it, we weren’t in a relationship but I had a good think of what things would be like if we did get together, I wasn’t prepared to put up with it, so I just told him we weren’t compatible, he was 51 by the way, I felt sorry for the young girls it was very disrespectful towards them.

Yes i wish id walked away sooner to be honest before buying a home and having a daughter together. We have had lots of happy times and i do have a lot of good memories but a lot of them are tainted by occasions ruined by this and by his lack of attention to me. He also seems to be looking at younger women - some of which you wouldn’t know how old they really were. Could be 17, could be 18, maybe 20, either way, he should know they’re young and shouldn’t be looking at them in that way. It’s scary.

Jaynexxx · 07/09/2025 07:19

thebabayaga2025 · 05/09/2025 02:50

Women notice attractive men ALL THE TIME and are almost never creepy or disrespectful or gross about it. Most men choose not to be disrespectful gross or creepy most of the time.

Unless he has brain damage he is perfectly capable of noticing and behaving normally rather than leering/gawping/staring.

I guarantee, if he was likely to get a punch in the mouth by a man he would never behave like this. It's so weird how men can pretty much ALWAYS reign themselves in when there are real genuine consequences for them. He knows you'll tolerate it, and even if you say something he'll just shout you down and you'll keep putting up with it anyway.

It's a choice and he's being a cunt.

Edited

I totally agree. He’s quite big himself though so not many men would scare him. But now you say that, he does seem to look more at the ones who are alone or with boyfriends/husband who don’t look threatening to him. He wouldn’t look at the ones with big burly boyfriends. I realise he’s never going to change. He’ll just move on to his next girlfriend who’ll put up with it

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 08:08

Jaynexxx · 07/09/2025 07:15

Yes i wish id walked away sooner to be honest before buying a home and having a daughter together. We have had lots of happy times and i do have a lot of good memories but a lot of them are tainted by occasions ruined by this and by his lack of attention to me. He also seems to be looking at younger women - some of which you wouldn’t know how old they really were. Could be 17, could be 18, maybe 20, either way, he should know they’re young and shouldn’t be looking at them in that way. It’s scary.

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it was scary, glad I got out before things progressed, we had been out one afternoon went for a nice walk had a really nice time, this young girl walked past us no more than 20, and he was transfixed on her, we were chatting and I wondered why the conversation died, I felt so sorry for her and embarrassed, I knew them I couldn’t carry on seeing him, we got back to mine and he tried to kiss me, I just couldn’t it was a huge turn off, never saw him again.

Petitchat · 07/09/2025 10:44

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 08:08

it was scary, glad I got out before things progressed, we had been out one afternoon went for a nice walk had a really nice time, this young girl walked past us no more than 20, and he was transfixed on her, we were chatting and I wondered why the conversation died, I felt so sorry for her and embarrassed, I knew them I couldn’t carry on seeing him, we got back to mine and he tried to kiss me, I just couldn’t it was a huge turn off, never saw him again.

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Well done x

Onthebusses · 07/09/2025 10:51

Oftentimes when someone can't face the awkwardness or accountability that comes with initiating a breakup they instead act a total fool until you finally have enough and dump them.

This also gives them time to find a replacement and have them lined up so that when you finally break up they're ready to move straight in or on with the next person as soon as they get the go ahead.