DH telling me to behave

[Basicwhich]

Just wanted to see how most women would react in this scenario.

I am in the process of redecorating our bedroom. There is a chest of drawers that he needs to sort through so we can sell the drawers to make way for a wardrobe. He also has a mountain of crap on top of the drawers and so much inside they don't shut. I have been waiting at least 2 weeks. Asked him today when he will committ some time to actually do it and he said 'Wednesday or Thursday if I behave'.

This wasn't a funny, jokey sentence, he means it as its written. He's forcing me into silence. The behaviour he is opposing is anything that he deems an irritation. E.g. you left crap on the dishes you washed, why haven't the kids had breakfast?, why did you shave your beard and just leave the fallen hairs on the ground? I queried what he meant by this and he just repeated again I have to behave.

We are planning to separate in 18 months. It just feels very controlling and I don't want to have to silence myself to get him to do something that needs doing anyway. He's said similar previously, him paying his salary into our joint account is dependent on me behaving otherwise he is going to change it to his single account and 'watch what happens'

Yabu - I'd say that to my other half

Yanbu - it's controlling

Can you really wait 18 months op?

Why are you waiting 18 months?

18 months?

OP in your shoes I wouldn't be able to stay with this arsehole 18 more minutes, let alone 18 months. YANBU.

I wouldn't be hanging around for another 18 months it'll only get worse. I'd start sorting out moving out sooner not later.
But appreciate it is very hard especially the first move. I've been in a similar situation for years, always think it'll improve but it doesn't. Going to start the ball rolling now I've had enough.

I'm working towards a qualification that I will need to support me and the kids going forward. The hours are erratic and I don't have childcare to support. If it wasn't for that I wouldn't be tolerating this.

How is he your other half if you are planning to seperate in 18 months?

He isn't anymore, just turn of phrase for the post. We're in a weird limbo.

Living together for another 18 months is just not going to work.

He's a prick, but you know that.

I'd have told him, 'Ok. And if you behave and do it by Thursday then I'll say no more - but if you don't I'll do it for you at the weekend. Just sweep it all into a fucking black bag for you and bin it. Hope there's nothing you want there'.

He doesn't have to do anything you tell or ask him any more though, just like you don't.

You're not a couple so you need to stop acting like you are, he's already showing you what he's like. Clear his clothes out and dump them wherever he's sleeping and sell the drawers if that's what needs doing bur you've got to stop acting like you're a couple

So your ex won't have the children? How's that going to work in the future?

In that case, keep your head down and keep communication to a minimum and stop asking him to do stuff because he's just going to be horrible when you do. He has no incentive to be nice anymore because he knows your leaving anyway.

I agree, it's a hard adjustment. It's literally half my life so until he's gone it won't seem real if that makes sense.

He would lose his shit if I just emptied it, he'd accuse me of criminal damage or something mental like that.

Does he know he's going?

Are you safe there?

christ thats gony be a long 18 months.
how about compromise?
push everything on the floor,empty the drawers on top of it and leave a roll of bin bags on top.
without making a hoo-ha.
its the nagging hes objecting to?

Why are you bothering redecorating and buying new furniture with someone you are planning to split from? If you really can't leave, or at least move into a different room from him, then just leave it, stop asking him to do things he clearly gives no shits about.

just caught up -well if he wants to pursue criminal damage let him wire in. couldnt look more like a prick if he tried. let him lose his shit-videoit on your phone. (they hate that)be a prick too. tell him to behave

Please move your stuff by X date, or it'll be going in the bin.
Take the control away from him

@Basicwhich and you are sharing a bed with this twat who you are planning to separate from in 18 months???? what the actual fuck are you thinking of? why is even going along with this shit! does he know you are separating??? you are just using him!

Are you still having to share a bedroom OP? If you are it sounds like torture.
Start treating it like a house share and stop giving this man agency over you.
Just worked out 18 months is Spring 2026.
This atmosphere must be awful for you OP.

Find another way. Have you looked properly into how much UC you'd get when separated & how much childcare you'd get paid?

what housing gave you looked into? Somewhere you could have another student living in for just share of bills & some childcare around their course?

Are you working at all?

you can't live & raise your kids in this environment for another 18 months.

YANBU. What a horrible thing to say to you.
I would ignore him as much as possible until you separate.

If he says that again i.e. "if you behave" after you have asked him todo something etc , ignore that comment and repeat what you want him to do. It's a baiting comment. Dont pick it up... let it fall to the ground!

I was in a similar situation during my divorce, my exH would say horrible things to Mr.
I kept silent, I was playing the long game and decided to just ignore his stupid comments.

I knew if I kicked off he would just refuse to continue with the divorce. He was that petty.
It worked I got a fantastic deal and he got virtually nothing.
The first thing I did when I got the decree absolute was to tell him to fuck off out of my life and block him on everything.
My life is great now.
Just grin and bear it. It will be fine.

Why redecorate the bedroom and buy new furniture if you are separating? Can't it wait until he (and his crap) are out of the house?
I agree with PP, you are no longer a couple so stop behaving as if you are still in one. What he does and doesn't do should have no bearing on your life. Disengage