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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teen saying they've been sick AIBU

30 replies

Flowerdaisyrain · 13/10/2024 16:56

13 year old son complaining all weekend that they don't want to go to school and want a just stay at home and game. There are no major concerns about school other than trying to get him to do homework, usual teen stuff.
Just came down now and said he'd been sick but flushed it away. He's changed his story 3 times now, first there was loads, then oh it was only a little then back again. Hes shown zero signs of being unwell and seemed generally quite shocked when I said it means he needs to go bed and he won't be gaming all of tomorrow. He's now backtracked a bit saying it was just bile and maybe he was over hungry (also not the case as he hadn't long eaten). No one heard him and it doesn't smell of sick.
I personally think he was trying for a day off and thought he could stay at home and spend it on the computer. This isn't the first time he's tried to pull this stunt, but its been a while. Obviously I can't send him to school still.

IABU -hes probably telling the truth, cut him some slack
IANBU - He sounds suspicious and trying for a day off

OP posts:
Lougle · 13/10/2024 17:02

I would say that you need to find out why he doesn't want to go to school, and don't assume that because he's said he wants to stay home and game means that he isn't struggling at school.

Original poster
Flowerdaisyrain · 13/10/2024 18:29

Following on from the first bit.
DS had admitted to lying because he wanted more screen time. He thought that he'd have the whole day tomorrow to just play as he wanted. No issues at school.
There has been issues with screens in the past and they are limited but still about 5 hours on each Sat and Sun (plus times after school). Seems like a lot over the whole week I guess looking at it.
The issue is now, should I be reducing screens more if he's lying about being sick just to get more time. Doesn't that indicate an issue with the amount of time he has?

OP posts:
SummaLuvin · 13/10/2024 18:34

he'd been sick but flushed it away

I don't think this is any sort of evidence, at 13 I wouldn't be leaving my sick in the toilet so my mum could have a look at it

Original poster
Flowerdaisyrain · 13/10/2024 18:35

SummaLuvin · 13/10/2024 18:34

he'd been sick but flushed it away

I don't think this is any sort of evidence, at 13 I wouldn't be leaving my sick in the toilet so my mum could have a look at it

See the second update. He did lie

OP posts:
WhimsicalGubbins76 · 13/10/2024 18:36

It’s really difficult to limit screen times in this digital age. It’s the way the world works now. It’s how they keep in touch with friends, it’s where all their recreational activities are…..
My son is 18 now, but I had this problem a couple of times while he was at high school, I gave him the benefit of the doubt but was stuck about what he could and couldn’t do while off sick. No phone, no consoles and no tablet. That way I could always tell when he was being genuine-when he was genuinely poorly he wouldn’t ask for his Xbox controller back 🤣

SummaLuvin · 13/10/2024 18:39

Flowerdaisyrain · 13/10/2024 18:35

See the second update. He did lie

Show quote history

I'm sure he did, just saying that particular factor isn't evidence, most 13yo are mature enough to flush the toilet after using it. Unless you have a household rule that sick should be left in order for you to view it?

MuggleMe · 13/10/2024 18:43

I think provided he's still doing homework to a good level and doing adequate exercise, seeing friends etc, he can spend his downtime gaming if he wants.

Coconutter24 · 13/10/2024 18:49

“Obviously I can't send him to school still.”

Why not?

Simplelobsterhat · 13/10/2024 19:04

I think reduced game time this week would be a good consequence for the lie.

Also when I was dubious about if my teen was really too ill for school I'm was clear that if they stay home they'll either be in bed resting / napping or reading if feeling ill, or catching up on school work if they feel up to it, not gaming/ watching videos etc during school time. Might help if he tries it again.

MumonabikeE5 · 13/10/2024 19:08

Sounds like you need to facilitate more activities with sports or music or group activities etc, or family activities in nature. my kids don’t have enough time to spend so much on a screen at the weekend.

MumChp · 13/10/2024 19:09

Children staying home sick has no internet access. It's not a free pass to gaming. Simple as that.

Mrsttcno1 · 13/10/2024 19:37

I’d try to find out more if he didn’t want to go to school for a reason, or if the reason was simply that he just wanted more time gaming.

I do this 5 hours a day on Saturday & Sunday plus time through the week is a lot though and I’d be looking at reducing that.

FuzzyGoblin · 13/10/2024 19:40

Surely it’s the same outcome whether he is telling the truth or not, it’s a quiet 48 hours in bed with no tv, internet access or gaming.

Singleandproud · 13/10/2024 19:40

Staying home sick in our house is no screens at all and sleeping or reading.

You need to change what happens on a a sick day so it isn't tempting. If they are that I'll then the quiet time and chance to sleep will be welcomed, if they aren't that ill they won't try again.

Deedee558 · 13/10/2024 19:43

Sounds like addiction. You should limit his screen usage as much as possible.

ahemfem · 13/10/2024 19:45

Obviously I can't send him to school still yes you can. You say oh OK just a little bit of bile is fine off to school you go

cansu · 13/10/2024 19:46

I would send him to school. If he complains of being sick tomorrow and you are not sure then keep him off but remove devices and he stays at home reading a book and resting in bed.

ByMerryKoala · 13/10/2024 19:49

If it's the kind of illness that is recovered from immediately upon hearing that gaming privileges are restricted, you can safely assume that he was swinging the lead.

cansu · 13/10/2024 19:51

Just seen your update. Just be clear with him. You need to know that when you are off school unwell even if genuine there will be no gaming. You have access X amount of time on a school night and x amount of time on the weekend. Decide what you think is the right amount of time and stick to it. You might also want to say that if school say he is missing homework time will be reduced.

Hatty65 · 13/10/2024 19:51

Mine are older now, but being off school meant that there was no access to tv, no internet, no games, no phone.

If you were sick enough to be off school then you were in bed. And you can read if you feel up to it. But definitely no screens.

Being ill enough to miss school meant you should be resting or sleeping ideally.

Moonshiners · 13/10/2024 19:51

I'm super mean with my kids. If they are off sick absolutely no screens until they would be home normally. They can sleep or read. Better for recovery if really ill anyways. Always done this since they were tiny. As did my Mum. I was the biggest blag artist going so know all the tricks.
Some of the bollocks I see other kids pull is impressive, parents can be so gullible!

Soubriquet · 13/10/2024 19:52

I would tell him if he feels ill and needs to be off, fine but he won’t be gaming. He’s sick. Sick people don’t get to game. Bet he wants to go to school then

and if you say I’m at work so I can’t control it, take his gaming system with you

Lele101 · 13/10/2024 20:06

I used to lie to my parents about being sick

but not because I wanted to stay home and be lazy, but because I was bullied

something to consider

LoremIpsumCici · 13/10/2024 20:19

I also used to lie to my parents to get off school. They insisted I go in. I was also being bullied which made me feel sick, although I never threw up. It was that feel like I was going to throw up at the thought of school. Some days when I just couldn’t do it and I’d been pushed out to walk to school, I would bunk off around the village. The Cemetary was a good hiding place. Then I would walk home at the usual time. This was back when not everyone had a landline in their home and so absence wasn’t told to parents on the day.

ByMerryKoala · 13/10/2024 20:43

Lele101 · 13/10/2024 20:06

I used to lie to my parents about being sick

but not because I wanted to stay home and be lazy, but because I was bullied

something to consider

Okay, but if the op's ds were being terrorised by bullies he'd want to be home, regardless of whether he was spending that time gaming or not?